1108: Who Needs Dead

Show Notes

• — 2010 Resolutions: January, fresh start. Birthday, fresh start. Arbor Day, fresh start.
• — Target Drunk: I'm a grown up, I'll have a bottle of wine for breakfast and eggs for dinner
• — The Earth Got Angry: All these dead Haitians make great photo opportunities
• — Multitasking: We're talking about Tiger Woods when there's war going on?! Well, I'm smart and I can do two things at once.
• — Verbal Violence: 13% of you are verbally abused by your spouses and would send them to jail
• — Closet Hos And Manipulation: I'd feel a little better if I knew in my heart I didn't have to get you tipsy to fuck you
• — 24 Hour Birthdays: Keith is arguing about birthday time, meanwhile every year he has 4 birthday parties for himself
• — A Pint Of Beer For Blood: The bar must wait four hours after blood was drawn to give you booze
• — To Be or Not To Be: Keith saves time by getting to other bitches who need dead quicker
• — Anxiety Poop: The old computer needs dead, I invited some men to bring their weapons of choice
• — What Do We Do Now?: The relationship book is available for pre-sale purchase
• — Hoarders: No running water for two years and this woman's diaper shit ate a hole through the floor
• — Airs, Ares and Ears: Keith was never taught to spell, but somehow he can still spell but not talk
• — The Shorty Awards: Keith and The Girl are #50 while Marlon Wayans is winning
• — Chemda Hoards: I don't like to waste things, if there is a perfectly good thing that I'll never use, I'll save it
• — 3-D Spiderman: Spiderman goes back to high school? All in!
• — Ghostbusters 3: Grumpy Old Ghostbusters
• — Tantrums and Tiaras: When I think Elton John I think prick
• — Children's Movies: I don't understand Star Wars, I never saw it, but I don't get it
• — Business Partners: Susan Sarandon and Tim Robins split because she bought a Ping Pong Club
• — Cat Tight: Brittany Murphy has had work done. The proof is all over her face.
• — Homicide: Dr. Conrad Murray is being charged with Michael Jackson's murder
• — Turn Off The Lights: Teddy Pendergrass dies at 59 after being handicapped
• — OD'ed On Tequila: Casey Johnson was dead for days and Tila Tequila is pregnant with her brother's baby
• — Paternity Test: Shaq's mistress claims she is pregnant, Shaq then had his 6'6 sisters intimidate her
• — The Lawman: There is a TV show where famous people pretend not to be famous, if Steven Seagal tried to arrest me I would leave
• — Shiny Face: Heidi Montag had 10 plastic surgeries in one day. Can you believe it?!
• — Two and a Half Men: Charlie Sheen, the bad boy of Hollywood, rakes in 17.8 million viewers
• — Teenage Angst: Sophia is binging and purging and cutting. Go to the guidance counselor.
• — Sheer Will: Rue McClanahan has a stroke, maybe if we all pray she won't die