2218: Sweet Nothings

Show Notes

• — To The Point: Clark Jones, host of Comedy at the Knitting Factory, is in studio
• — The Sugar Free Show: Clark, who is in the process of starting a podcast featuring guests who suffer from some sort of affliction, was diagnosed with diabetes when he was a soda-chugging 16-year-old. Now that he lives in NYC, he's graduated to chugging Sweet Baby Ray’s Barbecue Sauce.
• — Black Mirror: Clark describes his latest psycho love
• — Holler: Clark explains clever catcalling
• — No, No, No: Keith hated the first 4 Mission Impossible movies and you’d best believe he’ll be in line for number 5. Clark isn’t the world’s biggest Amy Winehouse fan, but the fact that her songs consistently get him white girls’ phone numbers was enough to get him to see the new documentary about her.
• — Feminine Touch: The Arizona Cardinals’ new training camp/preseason coaching intern Jen Welter is the NFL’s first female coach. When Deflategate investigators asked to look at Tom Brady’s phone for evidence, he informed them that he had broken it because he got a new phone, as is tradition. Dallas Cowboys’ La’el Collins ripped off a prostitute named Throatzilla after she performed fellatio and analingus on him, so she took to Twitter to put him on blast.
• — Donald Trump Was Right: The NYPD has seized more than 600 pounds of heroin from Mexico in 2015, more than double their haul in 2014
• — Donald Trump Was Wrong: Donald Trump giving out Lindsey Graham’s personal cell phone number to spite him turned out to be the classiest Donald Trump news story this week. After The Daily Beast ran a piece about Ivana Trump’s well-documented story of Donald raping and physically abusing her in 1989, Trump’s lawyer threatened the article’s author with a $500,000,000 lawsuit and insisted that there’s no such thing as marital rape. To save face after calling John McCain not a war hero for being captured during the Vietnam War, Donald assembled a ‘Veterans for Trump’ coalition, boasting the names of veterans who had no idea they were being assembled.