[CuriousKlepto]

Originally Posted by ITGrrl

I'm gay.. or is it more right to say Lesbo? or Bi? i was married.. i just never intend to be with a man ever again.. so you tell me.. bi or les? either way.. i'm here. 39, gay, white, and proud.
I've been around a while.. just thought i would start "talking".

Welcome to the club! You're gonna have so much fun!

Originally Posted by notedhero

So you randomly commented on him (somehow with him already being vaguely aware of you), and you've been talking since then? He knows you like guys, he likes guys, and during the conversations where he mostly talks, and you giggle (but somehow he knows more about you than you do him) he grows attached to your presence?

Oh, no, just like everyone else, he know next to nothing about me

Originally Posted by notedhero

Ok, so you're somewhere in between. That's someplace to start. Since you two weren't clear on your intentions, I think it's your place to let him know where you're at, and how a lot of the things he's saying makes you feel. Even if you do want a relationship down the line, he has to be clear on his boundaries and where they may lie with you.

I've tried saying that I'm not really ready to date yet, but he keeps pressing on as though we were dating. And he keeps telling me that he's got people watching me. I'm almost positive he's kidding though.

Originally Posted by notedhero

You should use this experience in general to focus on not being so self-conscious of your feelings (or even lack thereof) and express them accordingly. It'll be necessary for creating a real relationship where you don't feel like a phony.

But being phony is what I do, it's all I can be. I'm rarely comfortable around anybody enough where I don't have to be fake. I think that list includes you guys and my pet mexican and that's about it.

Originally Posted by notedhero

How do they know your details when you don't say much about yourself? Are there mutual friends somewhere in this circle? I'm having a hard time understanding how the information is traveling.

It's not a lot of details to know. And no, there are no mutual friends, I randomly friended him like five years ago and this is like our first interaction ever.

Originally Posted by notedhero

You have to figure out the distinction between his smothering you because he is truly smothering and you feeling smothered because of your neurosis. I personally know that when someone is telling me they know me, etc., etc. I get to feeling claustrophobic, and that's more to do with my having big, heavy, re-enforced with steel, brick walls around me emotionally. In this particular set-up, I think you're right to feel smothered, but I'm just saying this for the future.

I'm thinking it's half and half right now.

Originally Posted by notedhero

Also, was he meaning a real monkey or a plush monkey?

Real Monkey. There's a pet store close to him that he said has monkeys sometimes.

Originally Posted by notedhero

Also, do you know how those previous relationships have ended?

Mostly in the other guy cheating. The he broke up with the last guy about three weeks ago, which only makes me think that I'm his rebound.

Originally Posted by notedhero

As far as your feelings for him go, you can't force what isn't there. Allow things to go at a pace that you are comfortable with, while maintaining an open dialogue, and you won't find yourself in precarious situations.

I'm trying to pace things, but he just want to skip to the "good parts."

Originally Posted by notedhero

You have to know that in order to have adult relationships you have to allow yourself to both disappoint people and feel disappointed. It's a shitty system, but that's how it works.

I'm not even looking for a relationship. I really just need a friend right now. And I don't think he qualifies as one considering that whenever he calls, I'm a giggling mess and I'm really starting to hate that. I think that might also be a key factor in him liking me.

Originally Posted by DarkKnightJared

This guy, whom you've never met in person, and he only knows you from your giggling all night on the phone, wants to marry you and keep you secluded in his house?

Yeah, that's about right.

Originally Posted by naberdy

You mentioned that you guys have talked for hours on the phone so I think you need to figure out if you can get him past the whole smothering you thing how you would feel about him.

I'vr tried to but it's not really working.

Originally Posted by notedhero

Before this, it sounded like Klepto was really...I'll say infatuated.

I don't think I was infatuated, just really excited about the fact that there was someone within resonable driving distance. Now the fact that he might just pop up anytime is kinda creepy.

Originally Posted by marina

It's flattering that someone wants to be my friend, but I need to stay true to my boundaries.

If only I could learn to do that.

Originally Posted by aldo mcgee

This isn't to say that you shouldn't continue to talk to him. Get to know him. Meet him in a public place but understand that even if he says he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you it's not real. Love at first sight is great for movies but doesn't translate into real life.

I know he doesn't mean it, or at least I hope he doesn't.


Question: Why am I the only one sharing my misadventures in "dating?"