Quote:
Originally Posted by CuriousKlepto
Dear Marina, I have a very important question about my friend. It's the guy I've been crushing on... I think I may have broken him. I don't quite know how it happen ed, but yesterday I was going to try and tell him how I feel. But as we were talking, the right questions started coming out of my mouth, and he started opening up more and more. He literally started telling me everything, and I felt more like a theripist then a friend. I never got a chance to tell him how I felt because we were just sort of talking about him, his friends, his family, everything. It would have felt like I was taking advantage of the situation we were in. He had never had someone to talk to about any of this stuff before and he's not even sure why he told me, but now he's not himself today. Honestly, it's like we switched personalities, because he's been very apathetic, carefree, and silly today, while I've been panicy, jittery, and unsure. I don't like feeling this way. How do we change back, and what would be the right way to tell him how I feel?
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First of all, you'll be fine in no time, so don't worry about that or stress out. For now, the only way out is through. As sometimes happens when a burden is lifted, he transfered some of it's weight onto you. It's not very romantic, but that's how friendship works. When someone is in trouble, the stress can be diffused over their network of friends, making life a little easier. This system only works with all members of the friend network are basically equal. If one person over-burdens the network with constant drama and strife, they're not likely to have a functional network for very long.
My advice is to just calm down, relax and process the emotion, but don't let it overwhelm you. As a person who grew up poorly socialized, I often felt like the weight of another person's emotion was crushing me, especially when I started trying to make friends instead of staying by myself, or with my fucked up non-friends. It took a long time to figure out how to remain a friend, but still detach myself from their situation so that I could live my own life. It also took a long time to learn that some people are emotional black holes and that I'm better off away from them.
The only way you learn your boundaries is by pushing them.