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DUMPED!
What's up my fellow humans?! That's rhetorical.
I had been dating a chick for about 9 months, which is a fair amount for kids my age (17), and we were really serious for whatever we were.
Essentially what happened today was that she woke up at about 3pm, and then she called me on the phone and told me that it was over, because she didn't feel the same. I talked to her on MSN about it. Here is the chatlog, cos fuck privacy.
3:36:24 PM adam: I'm ready to talk.
3:39:17 PM Roz: I'm still crying. Give me a sec.
3:39:30 PM adam: wow, you're crying.
3:39:41 PM adam: okay.
3:39:50 PM Roz: It's still hard for me, you know.
3:39:53 PM adam: sure
3:39:54 PM Roz: I'm so sorry.
3:40:04 PM adam: of course you are
3:40:14 PM Roz: I just felt like the bad outweighed the good.
3:40:17 PM Roz: We fight all the time
3:40:20 PM Roz: & if we're not fighting
3:40:28 PM Roz: we're just dealing with eachother's mood swings
3:40:30 PM Roz: it's not you
3:40:30 PM Roz: or me
3:40:31 PM Roz: even
3:40:38 PM Roz: We're just not right for eachother
3:40:43 PM Roz: & it doesn't matter how hard you work at it
3:40:45 PM Roz: we're not right.
3:41:18 PM adam: fine
3:41:35 PM adam: how long have you not loved me?
3:41:42 PM Roz: I still love you.
3:41:55 PM Roz: Please. THis is really difficult.
3:42:06 PM Roz: I dunno
3:42:13 PM Roz: it just faded into this state of just
3:42:17 PM Roz: not enjoying being together
3:42:23 PM Roz: because I knew it would just turn into something bad
3:42:39 PM Roz: i feel like I clinged to you for security & that's the wrong reason to be together.
3:42:57 PM adam: I was happy.
3:43:09 PM Roz: I wasn't.
3:43:25 PM adam: and it was my fault?
3:43:47 PM Roz: No.
3:43:51 PM Roz: I jsut said it wasn't
3:44:02 PM adam: I'm just trying to wrap my head around it.
3:44:09 PM Roz: I know.
3:44:16 PM Roz: I wasn't happy anymore.
3:44:24 PM adam: will you be happy now?
3:44:26 PM Roz: I feel like to a certain degree I was pretending.
3:44:33 PM Roz: Well i don't know!
3:44:48 PM adam: I was the thing that was making you sad
3:44:52 PM Roz: I just don't want to cling to something that made me feel secure just for that reason.
3:44:58 PM Roz: No you silly, I have depression
3:45:02 PM adam: why else break up with me
3:45:03 PM Roz: It's not contagious.
3:45:06 PM Roz: The thing is
3:45:11 PM Roz: I'll be like this
3:45:12 PM Roz: sad
3:45:18 PM Roz: having break downs
3:45:22 PM Roz: with or without you.
3:45:32 PM Roz: I'm breaking up with you because it doesn't feel right anymore.
3:46:07 PM Roz: & I just couldn't pretend anymore
3:46:15 PM adam: ok
3:46:18 PM adam: done
3:46:43 PM adam: well
3:46:52 PM adam: that's it then.
3:47:15 PM Roz: I really want to stay friends with you.
3:47:23 PM Roz: & I don't mind if I have to wait a year
3:47:27 PM Roz: you were my best friend
3:47:34 PM Roz: you were there for me & I still value you
3:47:57 PM adam: I don't want to stay friends at the moment
3:48:04 PM Roz: I know.
3:48:13 PM Roz: I can't ask for anything more
3:48:23 PM Roz: We had a great run
3:48:32 PM Roz: you're the best boyfriend I've ever had
3:48:39 PM Roz: & I still love you so much
3:48:47 PM Roz: but I just don't think that we're right for eachother
3:48:52 PM Roz: I don't feel the way that I used to
3:48:58 PM adam: yeah
3:49:00 PM adam: I get it
3:49:00 PM Roz: & it just didn't seem worth fighting for.
3:49:23 PM adam: even though you were always the one to say 'i'll fight for you'
3:49:26 PM adam: blah blah
3:49:41 PM Roz: I know, I said that
3:49:43 PM Roz: but it felt like
3:50:00 PM Roz: there was more fighting than there was things to fight for
3:50:25 PM adam: if you think so
3:50:26 PM adam: well
3:50:32 PM adam: I'm off to write a song
3:50:36 PM adam: it's a shame
3:50:36 PM Roz: Please don't make me out to be a bitch.
3:50:44 PM Roz: You know I'm not.
3:50:47 PM adam: we can never play developed* again
3:50:58 PM Roz: Yeah.
3:51:22 PM adam: bye
3:51:26 PM Roz: bye.
*Developed was one of the favourite song I've written to play with my band. It was about her.
Anyway, there are a lot of questions to ask.
1. Should I be satisfied with that explanation?
2. Why don't I feel as bad as I think I should?
3. Ladies?
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