Its an improvement, you sound social, confident, but not too serious.
I got a suggestion. Before the Space cadet paragraph, say you like going for late night walks to star gaze.
This is a very romantic scenario for a new prospect to learn about why you like space so much. Its ok to have nerdy interests, when you present them in an inclusive interesting fashion.
People can know nothing about space, but at the same time, love to look up at a clear sky night and fall in love with the person next to them.
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