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I liked the "skateboard with my face" part.
Fuck you, bathroom, for being so damn far away*.
Actually, fuck you ex-girlfriend for being the best thing in the world for a few months then not having the mental strength to say there's something wrong before it was too late and you'd lost the love. I'm very close to wishing I'd never met you, and each day you don't call to say you miss me I'm mentally kicking you in the shin. Hard.
* Edit: I haven't shat myself, I just can't be bothered getting up to clean my teeth.
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