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Originally Posted by thatonegirl
Hey guys. I recently have been faced with a difficult decision and I was hoping to get some input from anyone older and wiser. I'm 17, female, and I'm supposed to be getting ready to go to college in a couple months. However, I've been battling some really bad psychological problems and they basically disable me from being productive. I get so tired during the day and I can't make myself get up. I am getting help for these, but it's a really slow process.
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Hi, my name is you two years ago.
Depression is a bitch, isn't it? It drains you of all energy and constant napping becomes an ethereal way of avoidance. I, like you, was battling some severe psychological distress months before I was supposed to begin college ten hours away from home. Come August, I was all like, "Fuck it! Maybe leaving and having a fresh start will be the best cure. After all, this town sucks the soul out of me" and went away because I didn't want to be left in the dust.
That was a terrible, terrible decision.
I had nobody to watch out for me because nobody knew my condition. Stopped taking medication because nobody nagged me. Schoolwork began to pile up, sleeping the day away became a frequent activity, drugs and alcohol masked my sadness. Failed classes because my attendance was so shitty. I became suicidal and was placed on medical leave six months into my first-year of college.
Sweetheart, plenty of kids have worries about starting school but yours is a different concern: it's medical and that's nothing you can control... but it's something you can
help. Be kind to your health and give yourself the gift of time. Defer your admission, it doesn't have to be for a year, but defer for a semester. Nobody will care that you weren't there from day one. Kids transfer all the time, kids drop out of school and some are kicked out and dorm surf for shits and gigs. Find a job doing something you love. Parents will pay bank for a quality nanny or tutor for their kids. Learn an instrument. Go to therapy and come up with a plan.
And about the whole "all my friends are in college" ordeal: when the time comes, hop on a bus and give yourself a crazy weekend without having to worry about cramming for an exam while nursing a loko hangover the next morning. You'll see them, don't worry. Visit them. Maybe you'll love the feel of their campus more than the school you planned on attending. For what it's worth, after coming home I started hanging out with the local kids who worked in the area or attended community college. You know what? They became my best fucking friends in the world.
Like you said, treatment is a slow process. Don't rush it. Take care of it now. The problems don't magically disappear and they'll reappear at full speed somewhere down the road if they're left untreated.
You'll be okay, my dear. Trust your gut.