[The King of Awesome]

Ok, you clearly want some advice, so here you go:

1. Compliment her on the way she smells, her skin (particularly shoulders if they are visible, but neck is good too) and the pitch of her voice. Best to do all of these at once.

2. Be strong about your opinions. Don't wait to see how she feels about something, go right ahead and give your opinion. She'll respect your conviction. The more the better. Don't even worry about her opinion, you're selling yourself to her. She needs to know all your ideas.

3. Women subconsciously look for clues about your willingness to have sex. So give them to her. "This coffee is as good as oral sex" or "I bet you WOULD want cream in your coffee," that kind of stuff.

4. Whatever kind of coffee she gets, get a smaller version. If she gets a small, get it with soy instead of milk, or iced instead of hot. And keep your receipt so she knows you mean business.

5. Have a friend call you during the "date" - don't answer it, just look down and then confess to her that your friend was going to call to bail you out if she wasn't very beautiful. Then tell her you're not going to answer. Turn off the phone. If you're parked nearby, go put it in your car.

I'd give more advice now, but I have four dates this afternoon and I need to wash my clothes and buy some beard cologne.