[doctorsleep]

ha ha.

Ive been trying not to think about it.

I just turned 23, I hate it but lets be honest, if it was going to happen it would have happened by now. Now I just want to put it out of my mind, spend time with freinds, and just find stuff to enjoy life enough not to jump off a building. Im so close to not caring anymore.

Im sad about the fact that I'm never going to get to have a wife or kids, that I'm never going to be able to tell someone I love them, or hear it back, but I might as well enjoy what i can.

EDIT: Hey while its up here, heres a quick little story from the current life of the sleeper

This book store near my school that I like hanging out at recently started Fiday night magic. I figured why not, I got some extra cash and I got some boosters and dug up some old cards and some singles from the guy to make a deck and started playing. Brought some of my friends and just relaxed having a fun time hanging out and joking. I know its nerdy and I'm ashamed of it, a freind of mine wanted to get into it and asked if we could meet at a coffee house so I could help him set up a deck and I was way to embarassed to be seen in public with cards. But i still look forward too it on friday.

Anyway, one friday there was an asain girl, she wasn't stunningly gorgeous, but all women are beautiful and I kind of have a thing for Asians (god that sounds so much more pervy then something like "I kind of have a thing for redheads/blondes") But this girl was a ringer, used Japanese cards (wich is usually a bad sign) and crushed everyone, it was practically a hustle for the free cards they give out to winners. I was doing pretty good that night and played her in the finals (she crushed me)

Never mind the fact a girl is playing magic, 13 year old me would be freaking our right then and there, but the fact that I'm actually having interaction with a girl was amazing.

Went to a couple events at a few different places and ran into her a few more times. Kind of chatted with her, nothing real, I just dont have any balls for it. then at a big event (new set premire) alot of players were there. she was, I over heard someone ask if her boyfriend was there and she said yes.

Now I wasn't devastated, I wasn't in love with this girl, I wasn't pissed, I wasn't even surprised. I just though "darn" still had fun playing her when we got paired up for a match later (she won) joked around and all that, didnt even care.

Now this story has a point, i swear I'm about to get to it.

at this event you have about 40 nerds in one room for over 6 hours, so something called "con funk" occurs because half of them just plain don't bathe for some reason. To prevent this I keep deoderant in my glove compartment at all times and make constant checks. I am uncomfortable if I smell bad. I even changed shirts halfway though.

Near then end of a round one match was running kind of long so some people were around watching it to see how it went down. I ended up next to one of the players and this guy STUNK, I mean i had to move, by far the worst smelling guy there. the kind of BO that you dont even have to breath to smell.

Sure enough...ASAIN GIRLS BOYFREIND!!!

I'm obviously missing something, I just don't understand it, I missed that day in family life. There is just something about human interaction I just never learned and never can learn. I give up, I think this really was the moment I gave up.

If this guy can not only get pussy, but thin asain girl pussy, when I cant get anything...then that means I just have to be sub-human. I had a hard enough time trying to wrap my head around all the other bull shit I see in relationships, but this is just the straw that breaks the camels back.