Hey Creep - look there are other virgin people as batshit crazy as you out there. All hope is not lost. Too bad about the bisexual thing....
OkCupid | MindfreakMandy / 22 / F / Toronto, Ontario, Canada
The actual profile just goes on forever.... Found via the always provocative
Sofiastry
This is what I think about relationships and what I would be looking for if I were to be in one. I have been single for my whole life. Kindergarten romances don't count. I always will be. It's my choice. It's just way things are. I don't need or want a boyfriend or girlfriend. I am proud of this and it does not bother me. This is not to say that I don't want anybody; there are tons of guys that I am interested in and would jump at the chance to be with them. I know that chances are we would eventually break up, but that doesn't mean good things can't come from the relationship. If you want to be a whore or in a bunch of failed relationships then go right ahead! Don't cry when you end up pregnant or get some STIs. I might talk like a slut and even dress like one sometimes, but I am not one. Then again, maybe sluts have the right idea. The most I have ever done is hug a guy. And groped some asses. Okay, first of all I can't stand it when couples say "I love you" to each other when they've only been going out for a fucking week! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS! Most people don't. I mean, there are cases where you just know you love the person and they're the one but you still should not say it... Just wait a while until you're together long enough and sure! I don't believe in looking for love. Let love find you. I also can't stand it when people enter new relationships right after a breakup. This is further proof that they did not love their ex. They didn't even give themselves time to be single and get over them. It's annoying when people say they don't love someone anymore. You obviously never did love the person then, dumbass! The word "love" is way too overused and should only be used when it is meant. I don't believe in marriage. You don't need to get married to prove your love for someone. Marriage exists only to set certain legal rules in place and weddings are just ridiculously long, expensive religious ceremonies. It is better just to stay a common-law couple. I don't understand why when one spouse dies, the other gets re-married or enters a new relationship. It's just stupid, especially if there are children involved. If your spouse didn't die, would you be with this person? Not unless you're a whore. If you truly loved them, you would remain a widow and possibly even kill yourself to join your deceased spouse. People need to learn not to go too fast with their partner. You can control your lust. Believe me, I am such a lustful person (did you know that "lust" rearranged spells "slut?) You need to take things slow so that there is always some curiosity and mystery about the other person. Keep the relationship fresh and exciting! This is good for building the relationship. Don't tell each other your whole life story right away. Then what's left? Now for dating, why the Hell does the guy always "have" to pay and play the role of the gentleman and get nothing in return? That's so sexist and girls who actually go along with this are just gold diggers looking for sugar daddies. If you're dealing with a man who wants to be, well, manly and insists on doing and paying for everything and refuses to let you do anything for him then the least you could do is offer to pay for a date, preferably an expensive one! Just do something special for him to show your appreciation. And try opening doors for him sometimes. I think people should just pay their own way or pay for every other date. But the best dates are free of cost. Dates are about spending time together and getting to know each other. Watch a movie at home alone which is more intimate instead of going to a theatre. Take a walk and have a conversation or just be silent and cuddle. Go for a stroll in the cemetery... Park Lawn anyone? When a man gives flowers to a woman on a special occasion or as an apology, it just pisses me off. What are flowers supposed to do? Give me something that's actually useful that I would like, or just say you're fucking sorry and mean it. Apologies mean nothing to me anyways. Don't ever give me any fucking flowers. What am I supposed to do with them, shove them up my ass? And if you were to ignore my requests you better have the decency to bring me beautiful black roses, which are quite difficult to find. You would also still need to bring me something else that I actually want. I am romantic and if you think flowers are romantic then you are just being insulting. You don't know what romance is! You just conform and probably give girls flowers and think walks on beaches and candlelight dinners are romantic because that's what you see in the media and those are perceived as romantic. Sure, those things can be romantic, but not automatically. Understand why first and then they will be. I HATE Valentine's Day! It's such a stupid holiday! But all holidays are stupid anyway. Well, except for Halloween, but of course that isn't an official holiday. Don't give me any fucking presents or plan anything special for us on that day. I don't even want to hear the words "happy Valentine's day" come out of your mouth. If you truly like/love me you would know that you can do things for me on any other day but this one. I would never make a sex tape. Cybersex is dumb unless you're already with the person and fucking them. If you're going to be away from them for a while like if you're on vacation or something then it's understandable, but if you're going to see them soon then just leave them some naughty messages but don't go all the damn way! I'm not one of those people who would have sex with my boyfriend just because he's my boyfriend. I need to be with a person for a long damn time and love them or something close to that before I fuck them. I want to be able to sleep with a guy and not actually have sex with him (this reminds me of that one episode of Daria). I think people should wait until they are at least 20 before they have sex. I never want to have anal sex. For crying out loud, shave or wax your pubes!!! I would have to lose my virginity to another virgin. Foreplay should be at least ten minutes long. I don't understand how people have sex for only two minutes! I mean I've heard of a quickie, but come on! And a lot of the time people's first time is very short! Sucks for them. I want to have sex for the first time Hallows' Eve in a graveyard at midnight under a full moon, preferably on a Friday or Saturday night. I also want to have sex against a wall, on my balcony, a bathroom stall, a bed, a chair, a change room, a crypt, a desk, an elevator, a floor, a hot tub, a movie theatre, a pool, a sink counter in a public washroom, a shower, a table, and ontop of a grand piano. I do not want to have sex in a car for the simple fact that there's not enough room and it would be very uncomfortable. Well, maybe I would if I was super horny and felt like it. Sex on the beach is a no-no. Bondage is a must. So is role playing. I will not date a smoker. Heavy drinkers are out of the question too. I like guys who are older and taller than me, have long dark hair and dark eyes. I would rather be called beautiful than hot, and I need someone with a mind just as kinky as mine. You treat me like a queen and I'll treat you like a king. If you cheat on me I will fucking slash your balls off and put them in a blender. I don't care if "all you did" was just kiss another person or if you were drunk. And don't think I won't find out about it, because I fucking will and you'll regret it. You'll regret having ever met me and having ever been born. Now fuck off and jack off.
Someone too good to be true.
Someone who doesn't smoke.
Someone who doesn't drink much alcohol and doesn't get drunk.
Someone caring, cute, funny, hard-working, healthy, honest, independent, interesting, lovely, loyal, mature, responsible, sexy, smart, successful, sweet, talented and trustworthy.
Someone relatively private who wouldn't tell all his buddies details about me or what we do.
Someone who hasn't been in a bunch of failed relationships.
Someone bisexual.
Someone special.
Someone who can make me laugh.
Someone who thinks I am more or less perfect.
Someone who is more or less perfect themselves.
Someone who agrees with me about almost everything.
Someone who is exactly like me who is also very different from me.
Someone who doesn't get horny about everything. Someone who doesn't talk about sex all the time.
Someone real.
Someone different.
Someone who will always give me a hug and kiss bye.
Someone who thinks things like hugging and kissing are more intimate than sex.
Someone who can live without sex.
Someone who would never ask for a threesome if we were to have sex.
Someone who would never try to get me to do something I don't want to.
Someone who would never cheat on me.
Someone who doesn't lie.
Someone who understands me.
Someone who I can talk to all day.
Someone who makes me a better person.
Someone who appreciates me.
Someone who can read my mind.
Someone whose actions speak louder than words.
Someone who would rather make me something than buy me something.
Someone who knows cats are better than dogs.
Someone who is a city person rather than a country person.
Someone who uses the TTC.
Someone who HATES Apple products and all these other stupid technologies.
A man who loves the Spice Girls and is not ashamed to admit it!
A man who loves Sailor Moon and is not ashamed to admit it!
A man who listens to Britney Spears and isn't ashamed to admit it!
Somebody in the entertainment industry.
Somebody who can dance!
Someone who knows what they want in life - and gets it.
Someone who has high standards.
Someone who can make me automatically feel better when I am extremely despressed.
Someone who does not fucking snore.
Someone who is not religious.
Someone who doesn't believe in marriage.
Someone who doesn't want kids.
Someone who will die with me.
Someone who doesn't exist.
I just need someone who loves me.
My pet peeves:
Fat people who buy salad at fast food franchises, bad parents, people who say "passed away" instead of "died"....and on and on and on.....