Okay, this is a little hard for me to write, but I'm going for it anyway...
First, Chemda, you have called me an, "average white guy," and I totally understand that. I look like an average white guy. But that's insulting to me. And that's because I don't feel like an average white guy!
As a child I was meek and timid. Therefore I got beat up. I got beat up a lot! When people see pictures of me as a child they say, "awww, you were so cute!" But actually, I was a victim. And I see myself as a victim.
As I got older and stronger I realized people were seeing me differently. People saw me as more dangerous. And I took advantage of that. Like Lauren playing, "the woman card," I was playing, "the man card." So, sure, I often like being seen as the Average White Guy and not The Jew or The Fag or The Little Pussy. Because it's so much easier to blend in as the white guy.
I feel like I don't associate well with other, "average white guys." That's because I don't feel like I am that. I have ONE close friend, another average white guy. I love women. I love talking to women. Me, my wife and three of her friends? I feel totally comfortable in that situation. When I post things on Facebook, 20 women and 3 men click LIKE. There's got to be something to that!
I'm a romantic. I'm the keeper of the relationship between my wife and me. One day I bought my wife sexy panties and with a note put them both in her pocketbook. She found them when she got to work. The note said to wear them the rest of the day and show me them when she got home that evening. She was a little dumbfounded. She wasn't sure what to do. (Duh! Just put them on and show me when you get home!) She confided in a girlfriend at work and the girlfriend said, "I wish my husband would buy me panties.
"
I'm the planner. I'm always looking for the next opportunity to go away with my wife. I'm always looking for the next great restaurant to try out. I'm looking to do things with her.
I'm a fan of Broadway. I enjoy going to shows. I enjoy seeing plays. I enjoy the music.
I cry. I cry at stupid things. I cry at movies. I cry at shows. I cry to see my children achieve. I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm happy.
I'm NOT BLACK AND WHITE! My wife is black and white. I'm totally gray!
I have plenty of female energy. I'm NOT AN AVERAGE WHITE GUY!!!
But no one can really know that, because society says I need to hide that. It's easy to hide behind the average white guy persona, but I'm still that little pussy.
When Lauren talked about being transgendered I asked a lot of questions about it on the forums. I got attacked for the questions I asked. But then Lauren showed up and answered the questions and understood why I was asking the questions and didn't act like I was attacking him (it's hard for me to say HIM still today, the brain doesn't want to do that). But I feel like we became friends that day. At least as much as you can be friends with someone you met a handful of times.
I yearn for the opportunity to sit with Chemda and Lauren and just have a quiet discussion about this shit. I have for years now. I've had many of opportunities to spend time with them. Most of them I
haven't taken advantage of. But the settings just aren't me. If you guys want to have dinner with me sometime, I'd be so into it.
I feel like I've rambled. I hope I've made my point.
Thanks for the show. It was amazing.