Okay Danny, you don't have fucking depression - or if you do it's only a small portion of what is happening to you.
What is really causing you problems is this!
Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central
I think you might be able to relate to a lot of the symptoms.
The good news is that its very manageable with the right treatment (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). There are definitely programs in the NYC area and your insurance should pay for them.
I am in the mental health field so this isn't some noob recommending something random (like scientology). Just read through the link above and see if it applies to you. A lot of times psychiatrists don't tell patients that this is their issue and they continue to go in a downward spiral with their behaviors.
Hope this helps! Love your show and feel for you bud. I hope, even if you don't feel this is the right answer, that you eventually find a solution.