The bully talk is really interesting! I think when people say that "you just don't understand until you've had a kid", the only thing you're really missing is understanding what that individual kid can handle and/or knowing that level of fatigue a parent feels when they don't get space in the day to think for even a moment. The perspectives you are sharing are often very clear and the types of things I might think about if I had those spaces of time to think about a better solution. For me, that's the challenge, finding the clarity of mind and responding with patience when I feel frazzled and run over most of the day.
My kid, age 6, has already told me about several bullies. There are some who are his friends and awesome to play with in one context, but in another setting, they refuse to play with him. There are other things he tells me and I think that he's done something to hurt his friend's feelings and doesn't quite see it. For each of these, we end up talking about it, but at the end of the day, I can't make him stop trying to play with the one that calls him a baby at the after school program but plays awesome Lego games with him at camp. It's tough.
One day a group of girls were running around the playground, following my son and calling him a bully. Kids know this word has power. They're using it manipulatively sometimes, especially at this age, to get attention. I am not positive about what happened leading up to this situation, but I feel like I have enough information to know that my kid was not bullying them. He doesn't ever play with them. They were just trying to get him into trouble. This type of thing has been happening with other friends' kids at the same age, and it's such a difficult thing to work through when your child is this age and still has a very self-centered perspective. A kid can be labeled a bully because they didn't want to play the same game as you. You only get one side of the story unless you are lucky enough to get to be in the classroom and know the kids in the class.
I am enjoying the discussion and appreciating your perspective. I just wanted to share some stories that were related.
Congratulations on ten years! I've enjoyed them all!!!