[PsychoLoco]

I laughed at all the Yogi Berra quotes Keith prepared. I’m a baseball fan and loved Berra’s persona. A lot of people thought it was an act so that he wouldn’t be taken seriously by opponents, but this was an all-time great baseball player with a record 10 world championships in a 19-year career. He had to call games for 15 pitchers against 9-18 batters per game and have a strategy to get them all out. Obviously he was the best in the world more than half the time. We also have to assume he took decades of foul-balls to the dome and bone-rattling collisions at home plate over the course of his career.

However, when it comes to sportsmen making you do a double-take and ask WTF, Vitali Klitschko, the Mayor of Kyiv and former heavyweight boxing champion “known for his powerful punches and durable chin” (i.e. he consistently sustained blunt force trauma to the head over decades), will require Yogi to one day take a back seat.

Here are some of Klitschko’s gems. Please keep in mind I understand Russian and Ukrainian, but I’m not a translator. Still, even I laugh when I read these.

“Why hit what can’t be avoided?”

“Vladimir Klitschko is like a brother to me.”

“Tomorrow, today will already be yesterday.”

“With the help of doors, we can walk through walls.”

“December 1st is the first day of Earth.” (The Russian word for winter and earth are similar.)

“The places I haven’t been, you know. I was there, where you know.”

“You can’t say anything but words.”

"I want to note that I have met with many police officers who died, with citizens and demonstrators who were killed, and they were all asking me the same questions."

“Today, into tomorrow, we all can't see the future. Instead of everyone being able to see the future, only a few people can do it at all.”

“I’ve lived in Germany, and there have never been any great patriotic wars there.”

“The time of day shows the passing of time.”

"We will be able to provide hot water. To turn cold water into hot water, it must be heated. Clearly. This requires gas to burn. The state of our gas supply... We look forward to when we will have gas. We have no gas."

"In the Odessa region is a city, 50 kilometers away – not far away. You know, distance is not measured in kilometers. Two hours ... 50 kilometers takes two hours to travel."

"I have to admit ... For a long time, many years, I am convinced of lesbianism."

"If a man dresses in an SS uniform, then he painted himself in the colors in which he painted himself."

"It is necessary that all of Ukraine stands up. A universal work stoppage. We must all work to start the stoppage."

"Keep it simple and speak in plain language. Because so many politicians try to speak on such terms and so cleverly that people will listen to them an hour and then not be able to recount absolutely anything."

“Sometimes you skip tomorrow, but not today.”

“I didn’t go to the Cabinet of Ministers offices, didn’t see it, I passed by and looked at it, it’s not important to me.”

“My favorite time of day is 0:00, because it’s already not today, but it’s still not tomorrow.”

“Before no one knew what Donald Duck was saying. Now they are trying to figure out what I’m saying.”

“If a brick floats, it’s as wooden as glass.”