Quote:
Originally Posted by jamieking
so a bit more serious, When my husband gets upset with me for whatever reason he will call me names like dumbass or bitch. It always causes me to get really pissed off and we usually fight about it then he will come back when hes cooled off and apologize, I have recently told him that it is NOT ok to call me names out of anger, I will no longer allow him to call me names. Now what? What do I do if he does it again? Whats the action there?
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I had a girlfriend before that did that, I would refuse to discuss anything else.
Next time x issue causes a problem you can discuss it or argue about it UNTIL he calls you a name. Now don't cooperate. Calm down and say "No, you can't do that." and refuse to discuss anything else. Make him leave or leave yourself but nothing else will be discussed until he makes amends for the disrespect. He is trying to get you flustered and take you off the real issue. OK so now the real issue is that he called you a name. 'Do you mean it, am I a "dumbass bitch?" Why would you say that?" if he says yes you are, kick him out. He doesn't like you.
Having arguments is normal, but calling names or physical response even if it's punching a wall or throwing something the opposite way of you doesn't progress resolution, it's a move of desperation and a lack (fixed spelling) of either words or real position and a desire to win regardless. A relationship is about getting along together and having an equal and respectful life together. Not about who is right or wrong. There is no "win" unless the argument comes to a meaningful mental conclusion and agreement.
Once that is settled go back to normal. I still wont talk about what started it and say 'no you lost that argument when you called me a name.' Next time we will resolve it properly. If you can't fight fare then you can't win the fight. The hard part is to keep calm and stay on point. This is now all about the name calling.