Yes CHEMDA!
God I totally ageee with everything you are saying today (although I'm only halfway through the epi so don't fuck it up!)
I am really glad it came up today, this discussion about this sexist shit being such a pervasive and basic problem we all take part in. Since I can remember, the logical stance of women being equal to men has been around and accepted but the reality and daily lives experience is TOTALLY OPPOSITE and for the most part, we've all been on board.
I joined the baseball team at school when I was nine because I thought it was unfair that I would have to play on a team specifically given a bigger softer ball because we were girls and couldn't possibly hit or catch a ball 1/4 size smaller than a softball. The GROWN ADULT MAN who coached the team intentionally hit me with the baseball when he pitched so that I would quit the team. At my parents urging I did. Complicit? All of them. This was shown to the boys on the team to do all kinds of fucked up things to girls. Normalized in a day.
When I was in high school and even into my more recent years working in the trades or doing standup, I spouted sexual garbage that I knew would make me look like the "guys girl", the "cool chick" who wasn't embarrassed or offended by anything, including degrading and insulting women. I did what Billy Bush did! (What I found was that speaking to men this way opened the door to them speaking to me in all kinds of ways I was horrified by, so I stopped.)
Another thing that underlies our speech, our conversations, idioms and insults is the absolute hatred of the feminine. If you are kind or soft (not that those have to be feminine) you're a "little bitch." Men are degraded by being called feminine. I told my super sweet lovely boyfriend that he had feminine qualities and he was insulted. We are just NOW coming around to seeing that femininity is a positive quality. In my job men insult eachother by saying things like "oh did you get hurt? Better grab the vagisil" If I said that was sexist, they would be shocked.
Some people got this way not because they don't know but rather because it's never been challenged. Like a rule that everyone breaks becuase there are no consequences. People who have a fuck ton of money and power break bigger rules.