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I'm literally dealing with the same church over the holidays issue right now. My parents are divorced so I always have a hard time trying to figure out what to do for holidays and since my mom's mom cancelled Christmas, I bought a plane ticket to see my dad's parents. Well, I'm here two days and my grandpa starts asking me about politics and of course he's conservative and I'm liberal so, a 2 hour debate ensues.
He somehow segues into religion and asks me point blank if I believe in God (while I'm stirring the brownie mix, and completely caught off guard. Can I just make brownies??) and let me tell you they know legit nothing about my personal life and who I am. I am not straight, I have tattoos, I've done drugs, and (gasp!) Have had premarital sex. Since I was a teenager, I've always kept them out of the life I live in New York. but I go ahead just tell him that no, I don't believe in god. Another hour long debate follows.
My grandma is finally done with us both and changes the subject. After grandpa goes to bed she asks me if I will come to church in the morning and I don't feel right saying no. I'm an adult, I'm 26 and pay bills and taxes and rent and it still doesn't feel like I get to decide not to go to church. I told her I'd do whatever she wanted me to do and she said I'm an adult now and can decide for myself. She said it in such a disappointed tone that really all I feel is shame and pain. I came close to just blurting out "you still love me, right?"
Anyway, now I can't sleep and have been crying a bunch. I just want my grandma to not be disappointed in me but I would rather bang my head on cement than go to church. And I feel guilty for not going like I'm making everything awkward for everyone. What have I gotten myself into? Should I just go?
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