[Sparrow]

this episode was fucking fantastic. ten thousand gold stars, guys.

the ritual stuff hit me right in the gut. my goodnight childhood prayer was a nightmare for me. i asked God to bless the same people every night, but the list kept getting longer and i couldn't leave anyone out, in order, every single night or something bad would happen to them. super stressful. it's called magical thinking. like when i would get mad at my brother i would wish that his mario guy would die in the game and then immediately feel a cold terror that i just set something in motion wherein my actual brother would end up dead, so i'd crawl into my closet to panic about it for a while.

the fucking 4's! like, Bert's 6's. they're significant enough to present in my every day choices but who the goddamn hell knows why. i tattooed one on my leg like an anxiety release valve. LOLOCD