I work with a lot of crotchety old dudes who are full of hilarious non-sensical sayings, including:
*when they want something especially clean*
"make it shine like a diamond in a goat's ass!"
*observing a good-looking woman*
"wow, she's built like a brick shithouse!"
*when it's raining particularly hard*
"it's raining harder than a two-cunted cow pissing on a flat rock!"
*when trying to remove something that is difficult to remove*
"that thing is locked in there tighter than a turtle dick!"
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