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Old 02-28-2020, 03:57 PM   #20 (permalink)
Rune
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 113
I finally finished the episode. Itís kind of impressive that theyíre able to keep a relationship like this.

I think for me being the cheater once, it was so disastrous, that even the possibility of keeping anything open, even consensually, seems like a huge transgression to the other person, forget what my own jealousy might bring that Iím not aware of.

My first love moved cross country, and like a year after, I fell into something with a guy I dated with the wrong idea that since he likes me, I should at least give it a try. Iíd finished junior year, and heíd recently graduated hs and soon went away for college. Long story short, 1st guy was back visiting extended family towards the end of the summer, while 2nd guy was gone doing his moving, and I ended up cheated on him. We had a hard time keeping our hands off each other and I didnít stop it. I never felt that kind of intensity at all with 2nd guy.

Still, I did feel guilty, but I didnít know what to do about it. I was thinking how do I break up, something I hadnít done before, and should I tell him? He kinda sensed the change. He actually found it in my diary (Yh I kept a physical diary. I still do, but itís digital now and I call it a journal lol). He blew up, but we were in this weird thing where neither did we break up...I didnít how to or if I should..but neither was it actually dealt with beyond his initial reaction. It just kept simmering up in other ways, and I felt like shit, but I felt like I deserved it. Then, once, while we were having sex, he starting talking about it and crying, something I hadnít seen him do, like how could I and that he couldnít look at me anymore w/o seeing it. I started crying with him, but I felt so unsafe, like he wasnít ever letting it go and there was no good time to end it, and I couldnít stay.

Itís kind of intriguing to me that two people can decide not to be hurt but instead be open to their spouse having other people, and somehow make that work. It feels so counterintuitive.
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