[September]

First, Chu do you have any supportive black women in your life?

Second, Chu have you talked to black people or other black people who had a similar experience of feeling rejected by other black people for being "different"? I think that having that conversation with a group of nonblack people vs. a group of black people definitely yields different levels of understanding...which is why you're still where you are.

You're expression of attraction to racist white men on this episode has definitely gave me insight of the issue you expressed in the last episode. A black person who is comfortable with their unique experience of blackness and is problack never has to question whether or not they are a coon because they align with blackness in a larger frame separate from its proximity or juxtaposition to whiteness/white folks.

You have a clear affinity for "whiteness" (which is not an anomaly - as it's ingrained in every society that's effected by white supremacy/western imperialism) and those black kids saw that in you when you were young..as black people tend to have a higher racial IQ and sensitivity than other races. They likely weren't bothered that you hung around white kids, they were bothered that you thought white people were better than black people. You remember the sting of rejection for embracing white people, but do you remember how you behaved toward or thought of those same black kids in relationship to your white friends?