49: The Bottom

[Pintman]

Longtime AlAnoner here. My experience is that our "qualifiers" make amends only by changing their actions, long term. But to get better it's also necessary to say certain things out loud and to own your shit.

And as co-dependents we become as crazy as or crazier than our addicts, and our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions. We get better by realizing that we are powerless over a lot of things, and by concentrating on our own side of the street.

I say this neutrally, not to point fingers or criticize anyone.

I wish Hennessey and Chemda long and happy recoveries.

[thirteen]

Originally Posted by memecherry

I heard it as all part of a bigger emotional & mental spiral...

Needing to feel like he could "take care of something" while at the same time he was spiraling out of control and couldn't really take care of anything...

Also, I think Keith and Chemda were trying to be honest about the situation. Hennessy made it more complicated than it needed to be. Maybe Keith and Chemda found out that there was something wrong with the microwave as soon as they started using it or not far into their stay there and wanted to make sure the person who owned the house knew right away so that they (Keith and Chemda) perhaps wouldn't be held accountable for a problem that may have already existed. The home owner found out on her own later, and she decided to charge the renters. Which she may have decided to do even if they mentioned the problem to her before. Regardless, being upfront about the situation was just a nice thing to do and the most honest course of action.

[CherryLavender]

Hurt people, hurt people.

Never an excuse, but a reason.

[theguy2009]

Some of this feels more like a sympathy play than anything else. Either way this shed some light on 2 things that have been recurring with Chemda the last few months. 1.) The feelings she has towards her father in law. He clearly did alot for her during all this. 2.) How much she has been bringing up gaslighting lately. It's real easy to see why now.

[rodimusprime]

Man the way Keith and Chemda have handled their break ups publicly has been really mature. I don't know if someone did all this to me if I could be going on the air and not like airing them out every episode.

It was kind of hard to listen to because I definitely felt empathy for Henn-Dogg too. But then some of the shit he was doing was just so foul. I couldn't help but wonder if he was still lying and hadn't been smashing chicks.

It's hard to think that line wouldn't have been crossed after Craigslist and Grindr and what not. And if by some chance he wasn't fucking them chicks... it was about to go down SOON because the behavior was escalating.

I'm still processing this episode. Is this the last Bottoms Up? It's gonna end at 49?

Like don't you HAVE to do one more episode for an even 50?

[Jameira]

Originally Posted by spooky

I haven't heard it. Keeping it that way until both perspectives are available. If that never happens, that's okay, too. Anyone else not giving in?

He took full responsibility and didn’t blame Chemda for anything so listen away!!

[Jameira]

I kind of agree. While it felt like full on accountability it also felt like a tinge of emotional manipulation. Seeeee! Look at meeeeee! I’m owning it. I also feel there was a lot unsaid. So with all the profiles on apps, duplicitous behavior, lies, emotional cheating you mean to tell me there wasn’t one extra marital fucking. I don’t buy it. He seems like the type to only admit to what you already know.

Also I needed “why’s”. Why are you doing this? Are you speaking with a professional to dig into what is up with you? And not just going to a meeting when you’re feeling guilty. This whole I’m just fucked up ain’t cutting it. I also would have preferred a Keith or Chemda-like person to facilitate the interview. But of course K&C are too close to this to interview him.

Originally Posted by craigklein

Hennessy is voluntarily lying about lying to prove they're not a liar.

not a single moment in this grab for attention felt genuine or even difficult.

i hope that the coming days will serve as a truth sandwich for someone who obviously has been able to convince themselves, that they have convinced the world of their bullshit.

explaining away every single criticism received by reframing the dialogue to assert your life's trauma and incapabilities of dealing with it, DOES NOT MAKE YOU ACCOUNTABLE, OR EVEN AWARE.

it makes you opportunistic.

amen.

[Jameira]

Originally Posted by Apia

I feel that Hennessy didnt tell us all. I think he just told us what couldnt be denied, especially when it came to other women.

Exactly, he did that old I’m going to admit to what you already know, not actually be vulnerable and transparent and admit to it all.

[Jameira]

Originally Posted by Apia

Im sure it isnt. But I also think this is why Chemda stayed so long. I like Hennessy. But I am also less nice/ codependent than many women. I got healed from it after dating a psychopath in 2001. ( not comparing Hennessy with him) I noticed that if I try to understand too much and forgive too much I would break. My wantig to undertand and forgive ends if it starts damaging me.

THIS!!! People like that need you to have an exorbitant amount of empathy and compassion for them. While you keep being their support system they just keep sucking you all the way dry. And while you sit there depleted with your emotional tank on E they still ask for more.

[Jameira]

Expecting accountability, transparency and full blown honesty is not kicking someone while they are down. Those are bare minimums in a relationship and during an attempt of explaining “what happened”. It is in fact the only way in which he will heal. Coddling won’t achieve that. Coddling and too much benefit of the doubt only gets you more of the same.

Originally Posted by memecherry

Your opinion... I have mine...

I consider Hennessy a friend & am going to give him the support I would give any of my other friends that are trying to do better & be better...

It's personally very hard for me to ask for help during trying emotional times, so I won't kick somebody down when they are reaching out of the darkness & trying to shed some light...

Is he perfect? No

Does he owe us the public anything? Double No

I just want Henny to get better. I want Chemda to heal. I want life to give them both better things & I want them both to have a chance live a better life.