49: The Bottom

[porky2468]

Originally Posted by Jameira

Expecting accountability, transparency and full blown honesty is not kicking someone while they are down. Those are bare minimums in a relationship and during an attempt of explaining “what happened”. It is in fact the only way in which he will heal. Coddling won’t achieve that. Coddling and too much benefit of the doubt only gets you more of the same.

I agree with you, but remember he's not in a relationship with us. He put this show out for us to listen to, not Chemda (though I'm sure he had her in mind for whatever reason). They would've spoken about it privately and in depth. Hopefully in that instance he was completely open and honest with her. He could be lying to us, just admitting to some of it or just saying what he thinks we want to hear. But at the end of thr day, it's not actually our business and he's not accountable to us.

[Hennessy]

I think we made a good couple.
There was deep truth too.
Don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for tainting all the good things.
I hate myself for that. I will miss her forever.

[Hennessy]

Originally Posted by Apia

You shouldnt hate yourself. Hate doesnt ever bring anything good.
Try to like yourself, you are also a kind and creative person. Try to be better. Stop with the lies. maybe you are not made for a monogamous committment. This is fine. If you are honest to yourself and others.

Thanks Apia. I respect you a lot.
I don't think it's about monogamy but I'm not ruling anything out or pretending to know anything right now, i just didn't actually want to fuck or be literally physical with other people. I was losing control and was trying to manufacture it in ways I was ashamed of and couldn't understand myself, and so I hid it. Like a child. And lied. Worse than a child.
I wanted those "blips" to be separate from me. From our marriage. "Ill just deal with this over here and then go back to normal life."

When I'm not spinning, I don't identify with those actions, and then honestly believe it will never happen again.
So I didn't go to meetings like I should have been. I didn't prepare for the spinning times because I felt okay. Didn't take my medicine because I wasn't having the symptoms. My will was strong. "I don't actually want to be with other people. Or drink. Or or or," so I'm good. And that cycle of thinking is what they call the disease. Whether you agree with that term or not, my self-will is broken and I finally had to admit that.

Thanks for your encouragement. I will never stop trying to be better. I cant afford to sleep on myself again. I've lost everything that means anything to me. I lost my girl. My partner. The person I love more than anyone in this existence.
I have to get better because If I can't learn from THAT I might as well disappear.

[Hennessy]

Originally Posted by Apia

Maybe you don’t want to touch other people, but you need outside validation.
Maybe to feel like masculine, maybe to feel more attractive.
This is not bad itself. You are human and even I learned from Dan Savage ( everyone listen to Dan Savage please, you learn a lot) that transitioning messes with your head. He talked about trans men who were not gay before temporarily being into gay sex for example. I was confused hearing about it at first but it seems to be common.

This is ok and normal. But you need to talk about it and be honest.
Don’t hide stuff, it only makes everything worse. Talk about the stuff you need and think about.
The lies make it impossible to tolerate not the thoughts. Only honesty will build a relationship.
You try to be one kind of person and just to cut the darker stuff out. This will NEVER work.
Only for a few months maybe.

Exactly.

[memecherry]

Originally Posted by Jameira

Expecting accountability, transparency and full blown honesty is not kicking someone while they are down. Those are bare minimums in a relationship and during an attempt of explaining “what happened”. It is in fact the only way in which he will heal. Coddling won’t achieve that. Coddling and too much benefit of the doubt only gets you more of the same.

Yes I agree...

I also know the weight of the wave of the public-ness of this all // as somebody who has danced with self sabotage / has worked on bringing the dark into the light / I don’t want this to become a giant wave of hate onto a human who is publicly trying to “do something right”...

If anything yes, maybe some more buffer layers are needed...

Maybe this recording shouldn’t have been sent to KATG for them to carry & give space for... maybe henny should have expressed this into the ether all on his own...

But I also think deep down inside he needs all the little kernels of truth we are giving in this thread so he can try to learn & grow & ultimately let go....

[memecherry]

Originally Posted by Hennessy

I think we made a good couple.
There was deep truth too.
Don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for tainting all the good things.
I hate myself for that. I will miss her forever.

I think you were good together / I think there were long standing challenges that made it harder to be as a good a couple I know you both wanted to be...

Henny, you’ve been dancing in the dark which leads to lies....

I know it’s hard, but I also want to believe that deep down you ultimately crave to live in the light....

Just gotta stop thinking you’re not worthy of loving yourself, which leads down rabbit holes trying to fill in the soul hole....

Now you have a chance, to truly look inside, embrace the light & try to do better == one day at a time / one hour at a time / one min at a time / one lifetime at a time...

Sending you tons of love buddy...

[Jameira]

Originally Posted by porky2468

I agree with you, but remember he's not in a relationship with us. He put this show out for us to listen to, not Chemda (though I'm sure he had her in mind for whatever reason). They would've spoken about it privately and in depth. Hopefully in that instance he was completely open and honest with her. He could be lying to us, just admitting to some of it or just saying what he thinks we want to hear. But at the end of thr day, it's not actually our business and he's not accountable to us.

I would agree with you except “Hennessy attempts to bring to light some of the reasons he and Chemda split up”.....to the audience members of the KATG franchise and the feedback of the audience was requested. So it was intended to be made our business in whatever capacity he chose. So whatever he chose to say is fair game for critique. Also, in his own words in this thread “I bullshit”.

[porky2468]

Originally Posted by Jameira

I would agree with you except “Hennessy attempts to bring to light some of the reasons he and Chemda split up”.....to the audience members of the KATG franchise and the feedback of the audience was requested. So it was intended to be made our business in whatever capacity he chose. So whatever he chose to say is fair game for critique. Also, in his own words in this thread “I bullshit”.

Oh, I agree. I just kind of mean that we shouldn't be surprised if he's not sharing the whole truth with us because really who are we to him.

[Thanvaky]

Hennessy is my bestfriend. If sides had to be taken I would have to take his no matter what he had done. He's my brother. I was so grateful when Chemda said not to take sides because I love her dearly and would never want to be on a side against her. I am grateful to KATG because even as it becomes more difficult for us to hangout I can know Chemda's life and laugh at her jokes. It must be weird that something this personal is also your work and is entertainment for others. I feel weird posting on this forum and eagerly awaiting a response episode about my friend's tragedies. But this weird process has been a part of their relationship from the beginning. I think he made this episode for closure with that aspect of them as a couple. He's also been in a ten year relationship with the audience. It's a relief for him to have everyone know. He doesn't expect sympathy or to get credit for admitting to his own fucked up behavior. I know he painstakingly tried to take out anything that could be an excuse. Maybe it was wrong of him to try and control the narrative in any way. Maybe he should have left it all up to Chemda. But maybe it's his responsibility to tell it. Hopefully the creation of this episode will end up being healing for both of them.

[porky2468]

Originally Posted by Apia

Well, he didnt even share the truth with his wife so maybe its not about who we are to him.

Not during the relationship, but hopefully when he was finally called out he was honest with her. But who knows. I'm naively hopeful that people do the right thing, but I've been burned many a time because of that.