1093: Jerk Off from Way Back

Siddhartha · 12-09-2009, 03:55 PM

I was looking on my Ipod yesterday, under music--->genres--->comedy, and it looked something like this:

Chris Rock
Dave Chappelle
David Cross
Doug Stanhope
Eddie Murphy
George Carlin
Greg Giraldo
Jerry Seinfeld
Jesse Joyce
Keith Malley
Louis C.K.
Mike Birbiglia
Mitch Hedberg
Pat Dixon
Patton Oswalt
Richard Pryor
Steve Martin
Steven Wright
Todd Barry
Woody Allen
Zach Galifianakis

And I thought, those 3 names I bolded have made me laugh more than anybody else on that list, and that's some pretty esteemed company.

Great episode. Pat Dixon is the fucking best. I lent his latest CD to a pal of mine the other day who is into the Jim Gaffigan, Nick Swardson, etc. type of standup, and the first thing he said was "he sure hates women, huh."

"That's why there's shampoo and visine" - Pat Dixon, Episode 1093

Siddhartha · 12-09-2009, 04:10 PM

The poker conversation.

I went through a phase where I played poker for about 25-35 hours every week, while working 30-40 hours a week also.

Most of that was online, but I've played quite a bit in casinos. Keith's stance that poker players are generally assholes is exactly right. I think in that particular "arena" or "subculture" or whatever you wanna call it, you get a waaaaaay high percentage of people who are arrogant, know-it-all, fuckfaces. People who love to show off how smart they are, and how much they know about the game, and how they know what the right play always is, and how they knew what you had.

I don't know why... Maybe the allure of poker, and the fact you can win tons of money in a short amount of time with little effort in the short run, attracts douchebags who continually get their money in as 35% favorites, have the odds side with them a little more often than they should, and take that to mean they're experts.

The fucked up thing is you want guys like that at the table, if you can ignore all of their shit/shittalking, because they continue to get their money in bad. Usually, the better players are the quiet ones who don't say a whole lot and are soaking everything in. And they are nice to the donkeys/fish. "Don't tap the glass" (on the fishtank, and disturb the fish) as poker players like to say.

That said, "slow-rolling" people, like Keith mentioned, is impossible to defend. I know it's fun to poke fun at most poker players who take it way too seriously, but if there's significant money involved, and it's not a "fun" game or between a couple buddies, slow-rolling is low.

Siddhartha · 12-09-2009, 04:23 PM

One more thing- that semen cookbook.

That page used to have the funniest comments section I have ever read in my life. For whatever reason, it's not there on the Lulu page anymore, and I can't seem to find it archived anywhere. I can find a few random comments though:

Amazing [ No Rating ] 9 Mar 2009
by steve O'hara
We raised 400$ for a church during the bake sale becuase people could not get enough of the cream cheese cookies we made. Thanks Semen cookbook

Soylent White [ No Rating ] 8 Mar 2009
by Ryan House
IT'S BABIES!!! NATURAL HARVEST IS BABIES!!!!!!

----

If anyone can find the original comments page, put up a link cuz it's classic stuff. Peace yall!

coffeeaddict · 12-09-2009, 09:15 PM

*nerd slurp* Actually, Keith, you pronounce the song title "No hay" like "no eye."

And I bought Nana's album on iTunes, and I love it!

thepetek · 12-09-2009, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coffeeaddict

*nerd slurp* Actually, Keith, you pronounce the song title "No hay" like "no eye."

And I bought Nana's album on iTunes, and I love it!

Look at this guy. Thinks he's all 'proficient'

coffeeaddict · 12-09-2009, 10:52 PM

I am proficient in Keith's sense of the word, not Jesse's!

MrBurger · 12-10-2009, 01:25 AM

About the animal-eating plants, I took these pics a couple of years ago. It's a venus flytrap eating a small Black-spined toad.

Fluefanger_og_tudse01.jpg

Fluefanger_og_tudse02.jpg

DWarrior · 12-10-2009, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Siddhartha

That said, "slow-rolling" people, like Keith mentioned, is impossible to defend. I know it's fun to poke fun at most poker players who take it way too seriously, but if there's significant money involved, and it's not a "fun" game or between a couple buddies, slow-rolling is low.

Before I switched to online poker and before I could legally play in casinos, I used to go to this underground game. It was mostly just 1/2nl $200max. One night I was running well and had been beating up pretty badly on one guy (he wasn't that great, but I was also getting ridiculously lucky). So I was pretty pumped, then when I rivered a pretty concealed straight and got all in for a $600 pot, I did the slowrolling "oh yeah? well, I got the straight" thing.

He sat a seat away from me and was a 300 pound middle-aged dude (I was ~150 19 y/o nerd). He jumped out of his seat to take a swing at me, luckily he was so big so I had time to bolt out of my seat and away from him. After that game, they barred me from playing there (he got to stay).

Needless to say, I don't slowroll people now.

thepetek · 12-10-2009, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coffeeaddict

I am proficient in Keith's sense of the word, not Jesse's!

Sorry for calling you a guy.

rodimusprime · 12-10-2009, 06:38 AM

For the record the reason that Tila Tequila said that shit about Rhianna:

There was a radio interview where Rhianna was asked if she could shut up one person who would it be and she said Tila Tequila. So Tila spread those rumors about Rhianna on Twitter.

That being said: I'm a 31 year old man and I'm ashamed I know this. There are no winners when dealing with Tila Tequila.

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12-09-2009, 03:55 PM	#21 (permalink)
Siddhartha Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Sudbury, ON, Canada Posts: 15	I was looking on my Ipod yesterday, under music--->genres--->comedy, and it looked something like this: Chris Rock Dave Chappelle David Cross Doug Stanhope Eddie Murphy George Carlin Greg Giraldo Jerry Seinfeld Jesse Joyce Keith Malley Louis C.K. Mike Birbiglia Mitch Hedberg Pat Dixon Patton Oswalt Richard Pryor Steve Martin Steven Wright Todd Barry Woody Allen Zach Galifianakis And I thought, those 3 names I bolded have made me laugh more than anybody else on that list, and that's some pretty esteemed company. Great episode. Pat Dixon is the fucking best. I lent his latest CD to a pal of mine the other day who is into the Jim Gaffigan, Nick Swardson, etc. type of standup, and the first thing he said was "he sure hates women, huh." "That's why there's shampoo and visine" - Pat Dixon, Episode 1093
(Offline)

12-09-2009, 04:10 PM	#22 (permalink)
Siddhartha Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Sudbury, ON, Canada Posts: 15	The poker conversation. I went through a phase where I played poker for about 25-35 hours every week, while working 30-40 hours a week also. Most of that was online, but I've played quite a bit in casinos. Keith's stance that poker players are generally assholes is exactly right. I think in that particular "arena" or "subculture" or whatever you wanna call it, you get a waaaaaay high percentage of people who are arrogant, know-it-all, fuckfaces. People who love to show off how smart they are, and how much they know about the game, and how they know what the right play always is, and how they knew what you had. I don't know why... Maybe the allure of poker, and the fact you can win tons of money in a short amount of time with little effort in the short run, attracts douchebags who continually get their money in as 35% favorites, have the odds side with them a little more often than they should, and take that to mean they're experts. The fucked up thing is you want guys like that at the table, if you can ignore all of their shit/shittalking, because they continue to get their money in bad. Usually, the better players are the quiet ones who don't say a whole lot and are soaking everything in. And they are nice to the donkeys/fish. "Don't tap the glass" (on the fishtank, and disturb the fish) as poker players like to say. That said, "slow-rolling" people, like Keith mentioned, is impossible to defend. I know it's fun to poke fun at most poker players who take it way too seriously, but if there's significant money involved, and it's not a "fun" game or between a couple buddies, slow-rolling is low.
(Offline)

12-09-2009, 04:23 PM	#23 (permalink)
Siddhartha Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Sudbury, ON, Canada Posts: 15	One more thing- that semen cookbook. That page used to have the funniest comments section I have ever read in my life. For whatever reason, it's not there on the Lulu page anymore, and I can't seem to find it archived anywhere. I can find a few random comments though: Amazing [ No Rating ] 9 Mar 2009 by steve O'hara We raised 400$ for a church during the bake sale becuase people could not get enough of the cream cheese cookies we made. Thanks Semen cookbook Soylent White [ No Rating ] 8 Mar 2009 by Ryan House IT'S BABIES!!! NATURAL HARVEST IS BABIES!!!!!! ---- If anyone can find the original comments page, put up a link cuz it's classic stuff. Peace yall!
(Offline)

12-09-2009, 09:15 PM	#24 (permalink)
coffeeaddict Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Chicago Posts: 6	nerd slurp Actually, Keith, you pronounce the song title "No hay" like "no eye." And I bought Nana's album on iTunes, and I love it!
(Offline)


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12-09-2009, 10:52 PM	#26 (permalink)
coffeeaddict Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Chicago Posts: 6	I am proficient in Keith's sense of the word, not Jesse's!
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12-10-2009, 01:25 AM	#27 (permalink)
MrBurger Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Denmark Posts: 81	About the animal-eating plants, I took these pics a couple of years ago. It's a venus flytrap eating a small Black-spined toad. Fluefanger_og_tudse01.jpg Fluefanger_og_tudse02.jpg
(Offline)

12-10-2009, 06:38 AM	#30 (permalink)
rodimusprime Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,349	For the record the reason that Tila Tequila said that shit about Rhianna: There was a radio interview where Rhianna was asked if she could shut up one person who would it be and she said Tila Tequila. So Tila spread those rumors about Rhianna on Twitter. That being said: I'm a 31 year old man and I'm ashamed I know this. There are no winners when dealing with Tila Tequila.
(Offline)

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