1200: The Guest House

[Blitzgal]

People cheat because they're bored. Self-involved, entitled people cheat more often. What's the mystery?

Also, even though society still seems to have this idea that women don't cheat as often as men, I really don't think that's the case. I think men AND women cheat. A lot.

[beerchick]

When I got married, we had both discussed it quite a bit before the actual proposal, but when it came down to that moment it was very lackluster. We were in a long distance relationship and he was coming to visit me on a trip. When he arrived he was like "So while I'm here would you want to get married?" I was never a big must-get-married or huge-into-weddings kind of person, so it didn't bother me at the time. But it was one of those things that I looked back on as our relationship slowly disintegrated, and it got under my skin that the actual proposal wasn't meaningful or personal to me. But maybe that was because it was one small example of what turned out to be one of my main frustrations in the relationship.

The breakdown of our marriage had a lot to do with our lack of compatibility, but ended very badly because of our inability to communicate. We were both really bad at it and when I would attempt to address problems he would shut me down quickly. And then I would just let him shut it down, because I was afraid of conflict and was sort of happy to let it go. End result - I felt trapped and miserable and cheated on him. As is completely within his right, he hated my guts and probably will for the rest of his life. (If only I had the KATG relationship book BEFORE I got married!)

To the guy in the unhappy marriage - if you don't want that to happen to you then you can't let your discussions end in a fight. You have to let your wife know that these issues are so important to you that if not resolved they could very well end the relationship. She may not know the intensity of your feelings or the gravity of the situation unless you actually say it. Or maybe you just really need out. For me, the end of my relationship was pretty tragic, but also resulted in me finding the person I now feel is the love of my life. You can only try to make it work for so long - if nothing ever gets resolved then you need to start making a plan to move on.

[JSZilla]

Originally Posted by Blitzgal

I'm watching Last Comic Standing this season only because of all the hints dropped here on the show. It was awesome to see Jesse Joyce on there, but very weird watching Greg Giraldo gaze lovingly at him as he performed...and then pretend they don't know each other when commenting on his jokes.

THEY KNEW EACH OTHER?!

[tuttle88]

My grandma told me her exceptionally romantic engagement story. She and my grandfather were parked at a lookout (which she swears were not for making out back then but I don't believe her), after a movie. And my grandfather looked over to her and said "So, doya reckon we should get married?" and she said "Alright". Picture this with Australian accents.

[Snarky]

I would say that all relationships have points where someone finds themself thinking about being with others. It takes a lot of communication, you can't be self centered and expect them to know what you want all the time. I can honestly say I'm in a good relationship. But does this mean I will always be happy? I hope so, but no one can tell for sure. You just go with the flow and make the best of things. If I find that we are growing apart, I'd be more than willing to address it. Find the problem. Ask your signifigant other what's bringing them down. Talk people. Talk to eachother!

I'd totally agree that some people need their alone time. I am not one of those people. If I could, I'd spend all day every day (shit breaks not included) with my husband. I love spending time with him. We're apart when we go to work, but when we come home we do things together. If he were to go out of town for a week or two I'd miss him immensly. He sends me texts when he's at work that say "I miss you" which is a releif that I am not smothering him.

Then again, this time together has made me lack independence. If he were to die, I'd be so lost. So perhaps this 'guest house time away' has to do with the independence that each person feels they need to achieve. Perhaps they want to prove to themselves that they can in fact go one without that other person, even though that's not what they plan on having take place.

But then again, what the fuck do I know. I've been in a happy, longterm relationship for 7 years. It's not always perfect, but at the end of the day, we can apologize for acting like an assclown and let it go.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by ThePinkSuperhero

I think the poll might be asking the wrong question- a person can have a "good" relationship, but not be happy, because I think people define "good" as, my partner doesn't abuse me, we aren't constantly fighting, we have a lot of the normal things like a house and children we love, etc.

Aye yie yeesh...

I'm on Candid Camera over here. I know it.

[Blitzgal]

Originally Posted by JSZilla

THEY KNEW EACH OTHER?!

Um, is this sarcastic?

[scottperezfox]

Keith was right, I did misinterpret the degree of last show's poll. And Chemda too is right about my warped perspective on answering the poll. Today, I am refraining from answering so I don't pollute the data.

[standardman]

Never cheated, not sure I could bring myself to do it.

Question: is cybering (if that's what we have to call it) cheating? I think yes, others disagree.

[natrasha]

Originally Posted by BrianAlt

Sure I cheated on my girlfriends. I was 16, 17, 18, 19. If you get into a serious relationship that early on and don't cheat, there is something wrong with you. You need to experience life, make mistakes, try to fix those mistakes, sometimes fixing them and sometimes not and dealing with the consequences.

Now I'm 43, been married for almost 18 years and I've never cheated on my wife. We both had our in and out times in our early 20s, but when we decided that marriage for us, marriage was for us. I'm sure lots think that, but as I sit here making plans for our 20th anniversary I'm pretty sure we've done something right.

Congrats on 1200!

Congrats to you on your upcoming anniversary!
...and many congrats to K&C

I have a similar history. While in college I was a serial cheater. I was too young to really understand relationships. Sex I understood, so I did that when I wanted. It retrospect I should have told those guys I was datimg that our relationships should be open, but I had no idea about that stuff back then nor did I really understand that I was hurting people with my actions. Hell, I was a kid!

Conversely, I did not cheat in any of my long term relationships during my 20's and am now happily married and cannot imagine cheating on my husband.
We talked about a lot of this stuff before we got married. If either of us wants to have sex outside of the marriage we agreed to discuss it rather then feel the need to sneak. It's been 7 years and neither of us has asked for that. Who knows what the future will bring - you never know.

imho, cheaters can change - at least kids who cheat and then grow up can change when they mature and get a clue

Oh - we also discussed our engagement. One night we were out and *almost* simultaneously expressed that we really wanted to get married. The ring presentation was extremely romantic and joyous and filled with happy tears even though I knew it was coming and had chosen the ring with my man.

you don't need to follow cliches to be romantic

edit to add
jesusfuckingchrist
locking the morningafter thread because books were being discussed?
what.ever.