1417: Missed Connections
 

"I stir things with my dick. Maybe you heard a me."


Nikki Glaser Live

I saw Nikki live in DC a few months ago, glad to see her on the show. She was hilarious both times and yes fellas, quite a knockout. She should have the pick of the litter, kinda surprised she doesn't have better luck even with her road schedule.

That interview with Shock G sounds hilarious and sad at the same time. Either way, I'll listen to it.

That makes me feel uncomfortable.

I can't put my finger on it, but something about that is weird.

She wont *literally* knock people out. That'd be a public safety risk, obviously.

If she's over dating guys with charisma, who can make a crowd laugh, carry on a conversation, love to travel and be romantic, I'm available.

In defense of PUA and the community.
 

A lot of the community has been sensationalized and misunderstood. Its not necessarily something sinister, its basically a bunch of nerds that have broken down meeting people into an algorithm, that helps guys who are more awkward get better at meeting women. When I really started looking into the community and all the information that they had and using it for myself I went from being an over 25 virgin to having 5 different sexual partners and one long term girlfriend in the span of six months. That’s pretty good for a guy that use to constantly stutter in front of any women that he found even remotely attractive, I think. In fact a lot of the great advice given by Keith and Chemda on how to get better with social interactions are core tips given to beginner PUAs.

Some of the misunderstandings; Negs for example aren’t suppose to be used on everyone. In fact they stress only using them on 10s (I’ll go into rating if anyone wants, but even the act of rating a woman is actually more mathematical than just how nice her tits are). The idea is if you talk to 100 women you’d probably only use a neg once or twice and only in dire a situation. The point isn't to put a woman down or lower her self-esteem but to at first show disinterest in her. Since extremely beautiful women are approached constantly just sparking a conversation with one is going to put her on high alert; “This guy is going to try to get in my pants, let me shoot him down before he even tries." Showing fake disinterest puts her at ease around you so that she can better get to know you, without her guard being up.

Peacocking is simply standing out from the crowd. Ideally the act of peacocking is ironically subtle. Say for example I go to a club and I’m in a business suit. Most people would just see me and naturally think I’m some sort of business man. But lets say I’m in the same suit and I have on black nail polish. Since most women usually notice a mans hands they would notice the black nail polish which isn’t really congruent with the suit. So instead of just assuming I’m a business man (because what job that requires a suit would allow black nail polish), my profession is now unknown. This doesn’t automatically get her dripping wet and ready to jump into bed with me, but it does make her pause for a second and notice you apart from the crowd. Which makes it all the more easier to start conversation with her.

From body language, to posture, to the tone of your voice… they cover it all and the logic behind is pretty sound and coming from someone who has tried it out, it works.

I will admit that a lot if not all of the examples of pick up lines and techniques aren’t worth shit. But if you understand the thought process behind the lines, you can make up your own stuff and be 100% comfortable using it.

ok, but be honest how many of those first 5 sexual partners were disappointed in the bedroom.

The whole PUA thing never seemed to have enough follow through to me. The objective always seemed to just be getting the girl, how much does that help one of these guys if they have no experience and thusly suck in bed?

still, the idea that something that should be natural as meeting people and flirting, should be turned into a set of rules, is terribly depressing and a bit dehumanizing

And i also agree with Jo. someone who follows a set of mathematical rules to interact with people probably has no idea how chemistry and spontaneity work so he most definitely is a lousy lay.

Whenever Keith talks about things he's done to pick up women, it always seems to me like he uses the 'pua' techniques without realising it.

This statement is gross. The whole PUA thing is gross. The "PUA community" deserves every jot of its bad reputation. It's actually more disturbing to learn that there's a "more mathematical" PUA rating system for women, as if it's any less objectifying and dehumanizing to assign women numerical values like they're livestock if one has to open Excel or whatever the fuck and run a few equations to determine a woman's worth. (NOTE: please don't take this as an invitation to further explain the rating system - just knowing it exists is plenty creepy as is, thank you)

Truth is, the most awkward guy in the word needs not attempt substituting peacock maneuvers for an actual presence and personality. Furthermore, women - tens or otherwise - need not be tricked or negged into believing that a guy who crossed the room to start a conversation with them somehow did this because he was not interested in them. None of this creepy game-playing shit is necessary in the slightest - the secret to talking to women is to just goddamn talk to some women as if they're, I don't know, human beings with thoughts and feelings that a guy shouldn't have to struggle to understand if he listens to them and keeps in mind that, whoa holy shit, he's a human being too. Hot damn, talk about having a lot in common! Awkward guys will find that genuine connections are much easier to make if they are genuine in their conduct and leave off running some weird smoke and mirrors program on the women they meet.

My objections to the whole PUA thing are many, but the worst thing about these notions is how they regard women not as regular people, but as these strange mystery creatures who must be misled with insults and distracted with incongruous nail polish or a big dumb hat or some damn thing. Living, breathing, complex people do not fit into algorithms. That's not how genuine human connections work.

Every time I see the whole PUA deal criticized, without fail an acolyte of the algorithm will come along to claim that the community is misunderstood. I believe that if someone regards the PUA philosophy as weird and sad and skeevy, then they understand it just fine.

This. People are not vending machines (men or women). You can't put your quarters into every one, push a particular button, and get the same thing every time. If your aim is to get your dick wet and you play the odds by hitting up a hundred women, then yeah, your chances of getting laid are high. But you aren't learning a damned thing about how to treat other people and if your aim is to find someone long term, this isn't the way to do it.

I dont see the problem with it really.If women can use make-up,heels,push-up bra's etc to boost their attractiveness,why can't men do the same thing with their personalities and the things they say.

Loved Nikki! For a first time guest, she was relaxed, funny and interesting. A+

How many virgins are awesome in bed? I can probably guarantee the first few times I had sex I sucked at it just like everyone else. Or lets assume I still suck, I’m still doing a lot better than I did and now I have a partner that can work with me sexually. Just assuming that because I got a woman into bed, that she jumped out the window wanting nothing to do with me, is being just as reductive as you are blaming the PUA community of being. Just opening up and being yourself, quite honestly doesn’t really work all that well. They even address that in the community; “If being yourself doesn’t work, become a better version of yourself.” Its all about self improvement. They just give guidelines to follow to become better at personal interaction and after a while it does become very natural.

How does someone with low self-esteem and no self-confidence build some? “Just go out and talk to women.” Is shitty advice for someone who doesn’t know how to talk to women. Why doesn’t Nikki Glaser just stop being afraid of centipedes, seems to me that would solve her problem. PUA’s stress “just going out and talking” they are just a little more in depth.

I understand no one wants to be reduced to a set of ones and zeros, but it freaking works. On men and women. There is a book called Magic Bullets just skim through that, I can bet a lot of the things past, present and future partners have done while getting to know you are not only in the book but also broken down why you found it so charming.

Finally the idea that women are objectified and mystified, is a total misnomer. That impression can only be garnered from taking a passing glance and going off satire of the community rather than the actual community. Don't get me wrong, they aren't a bunch of altruistic saints. But they are a fount of useful information.

Everyone should check out the Missed Connections Illustrated Blog, where posts from NYC Craig's List are illustrated, often in a pleasantly surrealistic style.

Missed Connections

There's also a book

Missed Connections: Main Description: $13.95: Workman Publishing

Are we talking about virgins? i thought those guys were teaching how to get women to anyone.

i'll shut up about virgins. i dont understand those beings.

No one's saying you can't do it. Just pointing out that you shouldn't be surprised if the mind-fucking technique only goes so far. It cuts both ways. Extremely fake women like you're describing only appeal to some men. And other men will be turned off when they find out that almost everything you're presenting to the world is artificial.

Has anyone really seen a real pick up artist? Pick up artists in my mind are the same as the slang versions of gangstas and pimps. Everyone wants to be one, some people think they are, but most are not.

I was specifically talking about my situation. And how good I was in bed even after reading up on PUAs and still being a virgin.

Also, these aren't magic tricks that only work on shallow women. It's also not a password for 100% success. But I'll shut up about it now. I just figured I'd give the other side and it shouldn't be totally written off.

On my personal journey out of awkwardness, the trick was to stop thinking of the act as "talking to women ZOMG THEY'RE SO STRANGE" and more as "talking to people," which was way less scary and way more fun.

Which is basically the tips that PUAs give. But they also give sorta like "homework" to help promote that mind set.

All I'm saying is PUAs aren't all that bad and shouldn't be disregarded based on second and third hand misinformation.

Let's be clear here. PUA's do NOT teach you to treat women like people. They teach you to treat them like vending machines that you keep plunking quarters into until you get the prize you want. This works to get you laid, but doesn't help much with the parts of life that happen after that. And, if ANYONE approached 100 people, they'd find at least one who would fuck them. PUA's charge saps money to sell them a numbers game that would work for anyone. They are the dating world's snakeoil salesmen.

on a side note, i would never date a comedian unless they were really really really cool people.

something in doing comedy for a living sounds like a big red flag for neurosis and issues.

Your being really reductive. I'm not sure where exactly you've gotten your info from but it's obvious it's only cursory. But I can't change you mind and I can't convice you to further look into it on your own... So I guess that's it then, there is nothing left for us to do but fight to the death, I was hoping it wasn't going to have to come to this.

The Ultimate Neg.

Nice.

I get it from these dudes own mouths. Have you read Roissy's blog? He's fucking PSYCHOTIC. And he's not the only PUA troll mouthing off on the internet. I read a blog that tracks and mocks these assholes, called Man Boobz. And don't forget that Keith and Chemda covered this group over the course of several shows.

So here's some recent tips on women, from PUA's.

1) Keep track of the menstrual cycles of your targets. They're more likely to fuck you when they're ovulating. (Source: Menstruation tracker « Krauser's PUA Adventure)

2) Visit all the churches in your town for prime pussy. All the guys there are betas so anyone with game will clean house. Once you've banged everyone at one church, move on to the next one. (Source: Let us prey « man boobz)

3) Career women are basically committing adultery against their men, with their jobs. Leave them to the betas. (Source: Is Female Careerism A Form Of Infidelity? « Citizen Renegade)

And then of course you have your MRAs (Men's Rights Activists) and your MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) who are obsessed with alphas and betas and how all the alphas are fucking all the women, leaving none for them. Or women tricked them into having children so they can get that fat child support check. Like that guy who bought that billboard they talked about on the show a few weeks ago. The hatred that oozes from these sites is palpable. These people are angry and sad and have decided that women are to blame for that.

Just look up George Sodini and Thomas Ball. These guys are heroes to these freaks.

That's a specific subset of a larger group. Most of those guys no respect in the larger community and have their own set of followers. And those tips as base and disgusting as they are probably do work.

Gotta say, I'm really enjoying these seduction lessons from a guy in an Optimus Prime mask.

So some guys know how to use some 'techniques' to attract women.Women do shit like this too.There are plenty of women who use their physical attractiveness to get guys to buy them drinks,to get promotions,to get free entry to clubs,etc.I think it just makes chicks uncomfortable to know that guys can use attractiveness to their advantage in the same way.

Not saying I believe in all the pua stuff- I've read the game,so I know enough about it.Seems to me the 'neg' which people are ridiculing so much is essentially just 'playing hard to get'.Don't women do that all the time?

Womyn player hatin' itt.

Attractive guys don't need pua.

That's the title for your new book, on how to meet people and form relationships.

Holy crap Blitz, those links were unnerving.

I didn't realise so many dudes hated women so much. I had thought it was an opinion that was reserved for basement dwelling weirdos who were just bitter because of their lack of sexual experience. MGTOW Out Loud « man boobz

Nikki was a funny bitch, APPROVED.

i woud not say hello, because i dont like people saying anything to me

Luke Chrisco. Piece. of. Shit.
 

Luke's picture is almost creepier than his story. My intitial impression was: Meth. Followed by : capital punishment.

no one should need PUA.

if one is so freakish and awkward that he needs a set of mathematical rules to interact with girls, maybe he'd better leave girls alone, hes probably dangerous.

betas be hating. I hope the doc discoves pua

Sure, yeah - it would be about the only way he could possibly get more repulsive.

I'm uncomfortable with a manipulative approach to socializing, romantic or otherwise. It makes me feel like a liar and it turns fun into work. But being myself and not putting on a show only gets me laid every couple of years, so I can't argue with the manipulative pricks.

There is a third way. Some men are just naturally appealing. They don't have to be the best looking guys, but they have an innate charm and women fall for them all the time. My dad is like that. The problem is that you're kinda born with it or not. You can't fake it, and there's not much you can do to become it. It helps if you're a classy foreigner.