1505: In Your Facebook

[Blitzgal]

The "digital only" experience for children is still a middle to upper class phenomenon. It is true that a lot more people have computers, however here in the Midwest kids are still coloring and painting old school style. That said, this Luddite fear of technology getting away from us and our kids knowing more than we do is nothing new. My 6 year old niece knows how to find her favorite baby animal videos and cartoons on YouTube and how to play Facebook games (she still draws old school, like I said before -- I have one of her drawings hanging up at work). Seeing her navigate the computer so easily reminds me of how my mother never learned how to set the VCR timer and would have me do it every time. They've also had to put a PIN number on their On Demand cable feature because otherwise she'd order movies.

[King Will]

I say Chemda is right because then you would have access to your child's facebook password. Granted you wont be over their shoulder 24/7 but you can monitor what they are doing.

[Jerlyn]

I can't believe I signed on just to comment on this but I think Chemda's right. My parents trusted me on the internet since I was 10 and if I didn't live in another country, more than likely a sexual predator would have gotten to me. However, that's because I was the only person who used the computer. I think giving your kids some trust and keeping their password so that you can access it at any time will make them responsible. However, note that your kids might be more tech saavy than you are and they can delete comments or notes (I was the only person who was truly tech saavy in my family whilst growing up). I figured if they don't have a facebook that you can monitor, they will access it elsewhere if you aren't careful such as their mobile phone or friend's computer. I'd also prefer to have a kid "in the know," especially if all their friends are online, with all the necessary communication of what can be dangerous and open lines of communication so that they can share info with me entirely.

I believe that if someone wants to do something they will find all sorts of ways to do it and you can't stop them. So, building a level of trust with your spawn might be a good idea so they can come to you about activities in their social life.

[thirteen]

Loved Keith's rendition of Jewish music.

Christmas music in general has gotten better as more musicians do their own versions...but it's usually the worst ones that are blasted in stores. That's the point, I suppose. Make everyone feel corny and warm. Or something.

Kids are going to want access to computers and Facebook no matter what. It's how the world works now. Having passwords and keeping the computer in a highly visible area of the house (definitely not in their room) until they reach a certain age is important. Same as it was when I was young. You can't stop the online creeps, but you can equip your kid(s) with the knowledge on how to deal with anything. So...a few points: (1) rules are a necessity, (2) be aware of how each particular kid or teen uses Facebook (some girls are only about posting provocative photos of themselves; whereas their siblings are behaving themselves), and (3) it's also better to give them something and monitor them than to give them nothing at all. You want them to learn what everyone else is learning (keeps them competitive for the future; makes life more enjoyable), but you also want them to have a level head.

[Blitzgal]

If you've seen the movie Braveheart, then you've seen someone be drawn and quartered:

Hanged, drawn and quartered - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

To be hanged, drawn and quartered was from 1351 a penalty in England for men convicted of high treason, although the ritual was first recorded during the reigns of King Henry III (1216–1272) and his successor, Edward I (1272–1307). Convicts were fastened to a hurdle, or wooden panel, and drawn by horse to the place of execution, where they were hanged (almost to the point of death), emasculated, disembowelled, beheaded and quartered (chopped into four pieces). Their remains were often displayed in prominent places across the country, such as London Bridge. For reasons of public decency, women convicted of high treason were instead burnt at the stake.

I do find it funny that women were burned at the stake for reasons of modesty.

[Eightball]

So I was having the facebook argument with my 12 year old a few weeks ago. He's a 6th grader, he has no computer, no cell phone, and his itouch has restricted wireless access only (dad what's porn?)... he's the awkward kid in his class.

Every kid, irregardless of economic status has access to facebook and these social apps. If they can't afford internet at home, they pull it off in school, or in hot spots (libraries etc).

I was surprised to find out that my son has wifi spots mapped out along his school bus route. He can do 40 minutes of texting to and from school. He also discovered that if he stands on the bathtub, in the upstairs bathroom, his itouch links to a neighbor's wifi. Here I was all concerned that the little guy isn't getting enough fiber due to the 20 minute "taking a poo" sessions 3 to 5 times a day.

I have come to the conclusion that a parent simply CAN'T withhold these social services from kids. Cancel the account? They reactivate. Burn the account, and they start up a new one. And each time you do that they simply learn to get sneakier.

The best thing I can think of is allow him access under supervision, monitor his activity in an open environment where he doesn't have to hide these things from me, and feed him more salad.

I have to conclude, that as a parent I have come to terms with two very important facts of life: [1] You can't dictate what your child will become, you can only guide them and hopefully convey the consequences of their decisions before your kids have to live with them [2] I never thought I would look forward to the day when I have my massive heart attack.

-eightball

PS, I also have had him dig holes in the back yard for the past 2 years now for an allowance. Best way to teach youth the value of hard work.

[Keith]

For an allowance? I don't mean to judge your parenting, but doesn't he understand that holes just need dug, and that's the beginning and end of it?

[thirteen]

I forgot to mention: 12 is exactly the age I started becoming interested in the profession I have now. And it was because of the Internet. There were definitely online predators who were after me at the time (I only realized this when I looked back on it a few years ago), but because I was taught how to handle creeps/people who spoke about specific topics or asked me questions, I was fine. I was only allowed to use the computer for fun for a maximum of 30-40 min. per day until I went to high school.

Obviously this dynamic has changed over the years as more and more personal information is available online (sometimes you have to reveal something, whether it's because you're subscribing to a site or buying a product), and each kid is different, but I suppose people have no choice but to be more perceptive.

edit: and the "gays shouldn't be in the military thing" still enrages me every time it's brought up (and accompanied by ridiculous arguments).

[Junkenstein]

whats also depressing about this "Gays in the military" silliness is how its eems to have been going on for years, and never made sense.



joke isnt funny but i'm amazed at how its 15 years old and yet still works.

[marina]

I was going to say that of the people I know who have been molested, none of them got molested by a stranger they met on the Internet. But then I was thinking that at the time they were kids, there wasn't an internet, so that wouldn't have been possible. However, when I thought of it more, the people I know of were all molested by family members, family friends or community members. Nobody got grabbed by a weirdo in the park.

I really think that there aren't that many pedophiles trolling the internet for little kids. Just because it's too difficult and incriminating. They have to convince the kid to trust them, get them to get away from their parents somehow without the parents knowing, and then try and make sure that their partner in crime/rape victim is sticking to the plan and not leaving evidence. It's just too complicated when, say, you could just Jerry Sandusky some kid and there's no paper trail.