1541: Oscar De La Snora

[Keith]

"Umm... Douchebag for a douchebag option. Actually, I press for a douchebag option."

[zappbrannigan]

"Cat open for Keith, she has the experience" = Open her legs.

Oh well.

[WSEIII]

Ah douchbaggery, I know it well. I shall recall three incidents in ascending order for your entertainment.

1. Instead of putting a dollar in for Sunday school offering, one time I gave a hundred pennies.

2. One time while out with friends at McDonnald's I mentioned to the guys I was going to order a hot fudge sundae, (hold my nuts), they followed suit and kept up the harassment. We came close to getting kicked out.

3. One of my camp counsellors mentioned one time when he and a couple friends went to a fast food establishment. He was pretending to be sick. His friends gave their order and when it was his turn he said "yeah I'll have the", (made a puking sound), and spew the vegetable beef soup that he had in a hot water bottle under his shirt, onto the counter.

Were we stupid or were we blinded by the light?

[poingjam]

Vote for me.

[Enunciated Piffle]

As a fan of absurd humor and shock-based jokes: I think Lucas' two minutes was quite good. The excessive editing actually kind of accentuated his non-sequitors and who has not asked themselves, whilst reading on the toilet, "Hey, have I even shit, yet?" The man's deep. Masterbates frequently and has pondered quite possibly THE GREATEST OF QUESTIONS: "To be, or not to be?" Also...he's incredibly high. All the makings of a great stand-up. Cheers, Lucas. May your hypothetical dog never die and/ or if it ever does; may you not be fat, at the time. I salute you, sir.

[BlackhatGuy]

Thank you Keith for sitting through the Oscars, so I don't have to. Much appreciated.

[Medium Brumski]

My gf came over to watch the Oscars, we ended banging the rest of the night instead, sounds like we made the right choice.

So only two more April 15th extravaganzas? Or only two more times that will involve Keith doing stand-up? Or only two more official events, period?

Originally Posted by poingjam

Vote for me.

Will do. Thumbs up for Lucas.

Originally Posted by zappbrannigan

"Cat open for Keith, she has the experience" = Open her legs.

Oh well.

Yeah, Pat Dixon made that joke about Carmen awhile ago.

[starscream]

Octavia Spencer's standing ovation was definitely racist. But Melissa McCarthy was crying because they're best friends. Anyone else crying was crying because they were realizing how racist they are.

My dad paid for two Atari games with pennies. They were in rolls though, not an envelope. Even at 5 years old or whatever, I knew that was terrible of him.

[poingjam]

Rolls are fine. When I was a cashier I was always running out of change in the middle of the night, and counting rolls is no worse than counting bills, so they're fine.

[starscream]

Originally Posted by poingjam

Rolls are fine. When I was a cashier I was always running out of change in the middle of the night, and counting rolls is no worse than counting bills, so they're fine.

But $40 in rolls? A few might be useful, but more than a few will just break your drawer. Never mind not fit. It just seems mean. You couldn't make a trip to the bank first, dad? It was that important to have Kaboom! and Pitfall? I really hope I wasn't incessantly whining for these games and don't remember it. That seems to be the only explanation though.