2108: This Shit Is Bananas
 

With Christy Coffey and Mike Guild – Stand-up on mushrooms; how to rob people; the Sony email hacks; killing, skinning, and eating your ex’s pet rabbit; new Bill Cosby victim comes forward as Bill’s wife defends him; Keith’s dying aunt; Keith vs. the medical community

Guests:
Mike Guild
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Christy Coffey
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I hope mikes ridiculous account of what all floridians are like doesn't stop you guys from stopping here on the tour!

Keith, have you considered Jeffrey Gurian's healing spells?

I voted no on returning stuff because, even though it's the right thing to do, it could get him in trouble now.

Good to see that those annoying Christian morals aren't holding you back.

Bit disappointed with the poll - I came here to vote Coffey.

This might be long if I have time - apologies.

I went to the hospital twice in two weeks this year and it wasn't bad but there were a few odd things that went on. The operation part is fine - get knocked out, wake up, lie in bed. The fasting before hand, two weeks in a row, plus the internal flushing were much worse.

I was spun out by how many sheets of name labels they had for me, looked like they are paranoid of getting patients mixed up which made me more nervous.

Before I went I had to pre-enrol online. When I got there we went through it again in person. The second time I pre-enrolled, they called me at home AND we went through it again in person.

They asked me why I was there even though they have a whole folder of info on me. When I was surprised that they didn't know they said the doctors book the thing and the hospital doesn't always know what for. So you want me to recite medical terms for you? I just said a lot of "you know, a blah blah type thingy". I never memorized all the technical terms and it made me worried that they didn't know what was going on.

On the first visit they warned me about memory loss after the anesthetic. During the second visit they asked me questions about what happened after the first visit. "You don't remember someone talking to you about blah blah....".

At surgery they put my IV line in the easiest way for them but the worse way for recovery. If I moved at all in bed the line would fold in half and cut off the supply which would make the machine beep incessantly. I watched the nurses reset it so many times I learnt how to work the machine myself. Better then the grumpy nurses at 3am who look like I'm bothering them with my requests to fix my medicine.

What really got me though was my initial consultation with the doctor to find out what was going on and what I needed to do. The doctor wasn't clear at all on what was going to happen but the receptionist explained more to me. She said you'll go this first time, everything will probably be fixed but there might be a second hospital visit a week later. Turns out the first visit was just a pre-op, pre-check thing and the second visit was definitely happening and that's when the actual operation would be. I didn't figure this out until after the first visit was so short.

I kept thinking, oh man Keith would turn this into a podcast, and listened to KATG to get me through the sleepless night. I can't sleep on my back and if i rolled over the IV would go off.

I've talked about going in for surgery and how they kept asking me what knee they were going to operate on.

"No, you tell ME, then I'LL tell you if you're right."

Some doctors draw circles on the knee. Some an X. Just write THIS IS THE BAD KNEE. Why's there not a standard practice?

Nevermind their handwriting isn't uniform either. Pharmacists guess at what they're scribbling!

When I say my referral said R/L leg: maybe it's B/L leg. Now that I think about it maybe that's Bi/lateral? I have no fuckin idea.

Doctors are the worst, and, if my son becomes one, I'm sending out secret shoppers to report back to me.

I know I just said this but it's true: Doctor shows on TV, where they figure out a cure cause they give a fuck, aren't dramas. They're fantasies.

My mom had knee replacement surgery and she was basically an invalid for 6 months after. She couldn't walk, everything hurt and her physical therapy was hell. 10 years later, she can barely walk a block without having to stop to rest and she has a very hard time getting up and down stairs. Nothing ever gets fixed. (sorry)
Disclaimer: My mom is 74 and she is pixie small. Smaller than Cat even. That is to say she's a lot older than Keith, but the walking problems are not due to weight issues or anything other than her knee issue

My wife had Articular Cartilage Restoration in both knees (one at a time). They scraped out bits of damaged cartilage from behind the kneecap and grew replacement clone cells in a laboratory to re-insert later!

The recovery was the worst. You cannot bend your knee for 6 weeks afterwards, by which time the muscles have atrophied. So rehab is around a year ... then she got the other one done.

The doctor "marked up" the knee for surgery. I added a note to the other one in a sharpie "WRONG LEG"

I call shenanigans on the Mike Guild robbery stories. On a side note...Keith have you ever explained how your knees went bad? Digging holes?