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Michael's Servant 04-03-2016 11:00 AM

2357: Courtesy Professionalism Respect
 
with Emily Lubin, Andrea Allan, Lauren Hennessy, and Danny Hatch – Dr. Drew sings the National Anthem; sexual assault from the public, including cops; Lauren’s time in weed delivery; 8th grade teacher shows students ISIS decapitation

Guests:
Andrea Allan
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Danny Hatch
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Emily Lubin
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Lauren Hennessy
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dori 04-03-2016 02:23 PM

In regards to the groping topic, its one of those things that is so prevalent that part of growing up female is learning to walk in public while fielding any stray hands in your crotch.

My stories; for some background I was 9 years old at the time and before you ask.. No I wasn't a sexy kid:roll eyes: :p
I was in a Holy city with my family, on a religious pilgrimage. Sounds safe right? We were out shopping in the local souq area and little old me decided my favorite Spice Girls shirt would be appropriate to wear on this day out. Well turns out it wasn't, every two steps people were coming up to me and my grandma and yelling at us for letting me go out wearing a shirt with 'figures' on it. Yay religion.

Anywho in this crowd some guy just grabbed my crotch, like a full on hand scoop. My reaction was just to remove it but like Emily and Andrea said by the time you've reacted this person has faded into the crowd and it's not like I can kick up a fuss or bring it up to my family who wouldn't react positively anyway ( I come from a similar ethnic BG as Chemda , just raised with a different religion)
This lead me to become jaded with religion at that age because I was disgusted with the depravity I experienced at this "holy" city.

This happened a couple of times to me after that in crowded shopping areas, my mother never understood why I hated accompanying her to these places. While she haggled with the shopkeep (Keith's favorite :p ) , I'm standing there on high alert praying not to get groped.

I learned to walk with my senses on high, keep my eyes out for any creepy guys walking towards me etc. I've always counted myself as lucky for not getting raped. Because it seems like thats just a part of life for girls/women. Molestation and sexual assault is just a given and that makes me extremely frustrated but when people speak up about it they are just shamed and silenced ( look at the overwhelming denial of the Cosby accusers).

I'm thankful for shows like yours that speak about this issue at every level. You guys address this stuff from the random train grope to Pat Dixon level harassment and all the way up to Cosby rapes. So thank you! Maybe people will be less blind to it and we can rise up against these monsters.

I haven't told anyone this but my current SO but your discussion on this episode made me want to share. Thanks again for the open forum and being a place where discussions like this can happen.

Sparrow 04-03-2016 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Apia (Post 851952)
can you ever retire?

lol #USA

Sparrow 04-03-2016 05:06 PM

there's very little security in the arts. i figure in about 5 years i'll get very tired of my rock 'n roll lifestyle and look for something that makes more sense when i'm ready to transition further into middle age. my heartsong would be to leap into a pair of scrubs and get into palliative care.

Sparrow 04-03-2016 05:45 PM

being childless is the only way i can justify jumping off cliffs into nowhere and taking risks. it's not that i don't like what i do, it's just taking more and more out of me to do it. my process is slow and it's hard to honor that. i'm a girl happily floating down life's river in an inner tube among peers in fucking speedboats. i don't want to be in a speedboat. the constant sense of urgency to produce and market and produce and market wears down my gears. i'm not sure i'm ready to say what it is in my soul i have to say, but i think once i do i'm gonna be real fucking done with the whole kibosh. and it may take me a few years to get there. i will not be rushed.

i hope your new gig is everything you hope it is! it feels good to be sought after.

DaveNJ 04-03-2016 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 851953)
lol #USA

To expand on that a little further, retirement in the US is basically based on three pillars: employer sponsored pensions (or state pensions), private tax-advantaged savings, and Social Security.

Some of your income is taxed for Social Security, and you can voluntarily save some of your income in tax-advantaged accounts to invest over time. State employees still typically get pensions, though they are often underfunded and subject to debate. Employer-sponsored defined benefit pensions have been phased out and replaced with employer contributions to those tax-advantaged savings accounts.

The challenge of working in the arts is that there's definitely no first pillar, and if you aren't diligent about it/don't make enough to save, there's no second pillar, either.

That just leaves Social Security, which you can collect starting at age 62 (at a penalty) or at 66 (the full benefit). Full Social Security benefits are based on your earnings with an absolute minimum, but that minimum is pretty low. The average person collecting Social Security gets a bit less than $16k a year, which amounts to poverty in the absence of other money.

So if you work in the arts and have an irregular income and never save in tax-advantaged investment accounts, it's very possible to get totally underwater and end up impoverished in retirement. We just don't have the same baseline, guaranteed pension benefits as some other nations.

Sparrow 04-03-2016 06:08 PM

i'm kind of hoping some kind of cancer takes me out before i become an old beggar lady.

DaveNJ 04-03-2016 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 851961)
i'm kind of hoping some kind of cancer takes me out before i become an old beggar lady.

I hear this sentiment a lot from folks in my generation, and I find it to be off the mark. It's absolutely true that Social Security alone won't provide most people with a greater than poverty existence, but tax-advantaged savings options exist and are available. I get that it sucks to think about, but preparing financially for retirement is like going to the gym and visiting the dentist regularly.

The reality is that as a group, we're likely to live longer than ever, so it's on us to prepare for those years in order to ensure they aren't filled with misery.

Maybe it's just that I'm around this stuff at work all the time, but it feels like there's a wave coming of people whose plan for retirement is "get big enough to live it up or else kill myself", and the reality is that the latter is a horrifying (and unlikely) option.

I just worry that there are going to be a lot of miserable people a few decades from now who won't be clamoring for option B but will be stuck with option C, which will be below poverty line living on Social Security. It bums me out because I have had very little success convincing people in my age cohort who aren't already convinced.

Sparrow 04-03-2016 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaveNJ (Post 851962)
it's on us to prepare for those years in order to ensure they aren't filled with misery.

this seems precarious and even harder to accomplish alongside trying to keep the whole of our country from tanking. i watched people who did all the right things lose everything; from Katrina to the housing bubble. there aren't guarantees. i think it'll be part of the chip on our collective shoulders as millennials age.

DaveNJ 04-03-2016 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 851963)
this seems precarious and even harder to accomplish alongside trying to keep the whole of our country from tanking. i watched people who did all the right things lose everything; from Katrina to the housing bubble. there aren't guarantees. i think it'll be part of the chip on our collective shoulders as millennials age.

I'm not claiming that it'll be easy or even that it's guaranteed to work. But using past traumas to validate the comfort of inaction hasn't really made Baby Boomers the greatest generation, and I see no reason why it will work for you and me.

Ultimately, a collective chip on our shoulders is more likely to end with more misery than with some kind of solution.

There have never been guarantees, and there never will be. It's still on us to use imperfect information to chart a course. There's no opting out. We'll go down a path one way or the other, and I'm calling shenanigans on the whole "win the lottery or buy a revolver" attitude toward retirement. Other generations' screw-ups don't give us carte blanche.

Sparrow 04-03-2016 07:28 PM

well, for me, it's more that i watched my Grandparents die with sharp minds inside decaying flesh. my Granny would break her spine just sitting up sometimes (severe osteoporosis). she looked at me right before she died, couldn't speak any more, but she looked at me with the one blue eye that still opened and i could tell she was still in there. i don't want that.

that living longer is a lot about loss. losing the ability to drive. to see. to do ones laundry. stand up. to have a decade or more of that? fucking nope.

Z-Corn 04-04-2016 06:19 AM

That's not Ponch with Jon, I think that is their sergeant...

dannyhatch 04-04-2016 09:03 AM

Thanks for the heads-up, Ponch and Jon are back together again.

thirteen 04-04-2016 09:27 AM

Being robbed 3 times after getting off a waiter shift...was that related to you being a waiter, Lauren? Or is that just what happens to a lot of people in NY, depending on the time of day and location you were in?

There's a big difference between the drug industry (and getting closer to shady people who could be selling other types of drugs and more harmful substances), and people who are trying to work regular, less risky jobs.

I'd be worried about ya too.

rulesofbio 04-04-2016 03:02 PM

yes but no..
 
yeah it SOUNDS like a good job but there's no way I would risk myself doing that... :eek:

FingerLakes 04-04-2016 03:27 PM

I was meeting a group of friends a few years back, for drinks. The one friend who is always late was later than usual. When she showed up she told us this story:

Her train was stopped 2 stations away because the cops had to come arrest a guy. A short Mexican man was in her subway car and was either jerking off near a woman or rubbing his dick on her ass but she felt it and screamed at him and called him out, "YOU JUST HAD YOUR FUCKING DICK ON ME!" "What? No. No" "YES YOU FUCKING DID YOU CREEP" and the woman kept screaming and the conductor was called and they called the cops and by when the cops got there the guy was freaking out and crying and his only defense was "No don't arrest me. I love my family"

Now we use "I love my family" for any occurrence of someone being a fucking creep

DaveNJ 04-04-2016 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 851965)
well, for me, it's more that i watched my Grandparents die with sharp minds inside decaying flesh. my Granny would break her spine just sitting up sometimes (severe osteoporosis). she looked at me right before she died, couldn't speak any more, but she looked at me with the one blue eye that still opened and i could tell she was still in there. i don't want that.

that living longer is a lot about loss. losing the ability to drive. to see. to do ones laundry. stand up. to have a decade or more of that? fucking nope.

Okay, but do you get to decide which decade of your life you start breaking down in? The people developing osteoporosis treatments and better hip replacements are still going to be grinding away for the next 40 years. Your old age will not be the same, and you may find that your quality of life as you age improves compared to that of your parents and grandparents, as it has for prior generations.

So in that situation, you're still SOL. Yeah, you may feel like checking out at 78 instead of 72, but you're still gonna need to figure out how to get to 78.

Sparrow 04-04-2016 07:18 PM

i don't know. i think maybe like a dog i'll know when it's time. maybe run off to the woods.

DaveNJ 04-04-2016 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow (Post 851988)
i don't know. i think maybe like a dog i'll know when it's time. maybe run off to the woods.

Kay, but that doesn't really solve the retirement problem, does it?

Sparrow 04-04-2016 08:13 PM

nope. i've really only got my life planned out through the fall.

Todd 04-05-2016 08:37 AM

I'm curious about the KATG take on this article:

Why I Love Riding On The Women-Only Car On Delhi's Metro

I'm disappointed in my gender that this has to be a thing, but I get it.

I've never lived in a big city, but would something like this ever work in an American city, or would the (supposed) outrage of #NotAllMen be too much of an issue?

Sparrow 04-05-2016 08:43 AM

public outrage doesn't matter, it's illegal to discriminate based on sex (race, religion, national origin, etc…) in this country.

Sparrow 04-05-2016 11:48 AM

well, now i'm /extra/ gonna attempt it.

rulesofbio 04-05-2016 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Todd (Post 851995)
I'm curious about the KATG take on this article:

Why I Love Riding On The Women-Only Car On Delhi's Metro

I'm disappointed in my gender that this has to be a thing, but I get it.

I've never lived in a big city, but would something like this ever work in an American city, or would the (supposed) outrage of #NotAllMen be too much of an issue?

There are many American transportation agencies that actually provides women-only transportation services:

ShuttleWizard: This is a transportation service for everyone, but if women ask for a "women-only ride" they can have it. You just need to call them and they will specify which vehicle is going to pick you up, the driver's information, the routes they're going to take, etc. You can even ask for a woman driver if you want. I've taken many rides with them and they're an excellent, safe and cheap option.

SheTaxis: its priority is to offer safe, reliable and trustworthy drivers. If you need a ride home after a night out or picking up your children they will give you a good service and as they say "a peace of mind".

WomenCabs: A unique public transport service platform which provides safe and secure transport solution to women commuters and their families.


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