2660: Code-switching

[Michael's Servant]

with Alzo Slade – Code-switching; Chemda’s mom; to condom or not condom; Johnny Depp knew he was going broke; The Slants; JAY-Z’s new name; how to have great sex

Guest:
Alzo Slade



Share this episode: Twitter, Facebook & email

Get the show: on iTunes, on Stitcher and RSS feed

[Hera]

Chemda I love you, but please stop being so stubborn with your mother. She reached out to you, and it sounds like you would really like to reach back. No, she doesn't accept your lifestyle etc, and you don't accept hers. But you act as tho not having her approval means you cannot be a full person. Show her you are strong enough to JUST SAY HELLO without demanding that she change who she is. It's ok to have surface talk, you don't need to "talk about important things" right now. Don't overthink it Please just say hello.

[Keith]

Who lost a relative, Hera?

[Jo_Culprit]

Originally Posted by Hera

Show her you are strong enough to JUST SAY HELLO without demanding that she change who she is.

what. the. fuck.

How long have you been listening to the show? because Chemda didn't just suddenly decide she wasn't talking to her mother. There was years of trying to manage a middle ground, her parents never met her there.

If we put this is physical terms instead of emotional terms. Then this is the equivalent of Chemda having to pay the price of wounding herself or a blow to the head every time she has interactions with these people. They show no attempts to change, understand or deal with Chemda with compassion because it's too intrinsic to their world view. So at what point do you say "This is enough cutting myself open, this is enough trauma, this is enough damage that I have to keep recovering from".

Why should Chemda just roll over and accept this atrocious martyrdom as her life? FUCK THAT NOISE, fuck it hard. That's slavery, emotional god damn slavery. Fuck that and live free.

[Jo_Culprit]

You only have one life, why would you waste it praying to the alter of your birth canal. Our parents are pre-information age half monkey people, they don't have ownership of us.

[Hera]

Originally Posted by Keith

Who lost a relative, Hera?

I haven't lost a relative but I used to have a difficult relationship with my mother like Chemda does. We are still on 2 different pages but it's nice to no longer be carrying around that painful conflict. Now when I talk to mom I feel strong instead of beaten down

[Hera]

Originally Posted by Jo_Culprit

what. the. fuck.

How long have you been listening to the show? because Chemda didn't just suddenly decide she wasn't talking to her mother. There was years of trying to manage a middle ground, her parents never met her there.

If we put this is physical terms instead of emotional terms. Then this is the equivalent of Chemda having to pay the price of wounding herself or a blow to the head every time she has interactions with these people. They show no attempts to change, understand or deal with Chemda with compassion because it's too intrinsic to their world view. So at what point do you say "This is enough cutting myself open, this is enough trauma, this is enough damage that I have to keep recovering from".

Why should Chemda just roll over and accept this atrocious martyrdom as her life? FUCK THAT NOISE, fuck it hard. That's slavery, emotional god damn slavery. Fuck that and live free.

I've been listening for about 8 years. Don't you guys hear her saying her moms email was cute ... and other signs she'd like to heal the relationship? it's like a tug of war and I wish chemda would drop the rope. Stop buying into it. Stop seeking her mom's approval!

[Sparrow]

Chemda does not have to accept her mother doesn't recognize her marriage. this isn't simple mother disapproval. it's not a headshake or a rolled eye or even a fight. yes, drop the rope, but walk the fuck away.

i would not sit and smile with that in the air. 'oh, just mom being mom. recognizing my brother's lives, but not mine." fuck off. Chemda isn't you. there isnNt a relationship to be had. it'd be back to polite nothin phone conversations.

[Hera]

Originally Posted by Sparrow

Chemda does not have to accept her mother doesn't recognize her marriage. this isn't simple mother disapproval. it's not a headshake or a rolled eye or even a fight. yes, drop the rope, but walk the fuck away.

i would not sit and smile with that in the air. 'oh, just mom being mom. recognizing my brother's lives, but not mine." fuck off. Chemda isn't you. there isnNt a relationship to be had. it'd be back to polite nothin phone conversations.

I get what you're saying Sparrow except it breaks my heart to hear the tone in Chemda's voice sometimes ... I think Chemda truly wants *some* kind of connection with her mom ... just trying to figure out a way she can get there. Maybe drop the rope but figure out a way to ... just say Hi. Instead of trying to undo all the past hurts etc etc in the first phone call... sometimes 'polite nothing phone calls' are just the first step ...?

[Keith]

How many first steps does she need?