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Old 06-27-2017, 11:46 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Hera, just to be clear, i LOVE to argue about any and everything. i'm certainly not upset at you or your having the opinion you do. thank you for your forums participation!
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Old 06-27-2017, 11:46 AM   #22 (permalink)
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From what I know of Chemda, she is not the type to have a relationship that is superficial/inauthentic for the sake of "having the relationship".

If she has any sense of trepidation, she should listen to her instincts..

Many people don't listen the little voice inside & allow for toxic relationships to continue way longer than they have.

I consider myself an optimist, but I'm also pragmatic & try to wear lenses tinted with logic when approaching tough emotional situations...

Let's say for argument sake: They get on the phone, Chemda say hi, mom says hi... crickets... what then? Is it up to Chemda to make her mom own up to the fact that she let her daughter get married AND have a tumor removed while being completely ignored by her family? Or just ask about the weather?
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Meme isn't hard to find; her laugh carries 'cause she throws her head back like a gorgeous unicorn. she's also an amazing first contact. look for the fanciest bitch having the best time.
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Old 06-27-2017, 11:49 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Hera, just to be clear, i LOVE to argue about any and everything. i'm certainly not upset at you or your having the opinion you do. thank you for your forums participation!
Thanks, Sparrow!
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Old 06-27-2017, 11:49 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I cut off ties with my bio father 7 years ago.

I do not regret it at all...

When I was a child & he would call me I would always hang up crying.

As an adult when I tried to have a relationship with him again he was emotionally abusive & unstable, had to cut him off for good.

It has helped me GREATLY because I've learned to cut off other toxic relationships in my life when they have reached their expiration point. Something I'm very happy I'm getting better and better at.

Drinking a teeny bit of cancer so you don't get full blown cancer down the line...? Nah... I'll take my chances with not getting it at all.
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Old 06-27-2017, 11:52 AM   #25 (permalink)
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From what I know of Chemda, she is not the type to have a relationship that is superficial/inauthentic for the sake of "having the relationship".

If she has any sense of trepidation, she should listen to her instincts..

Many people don't listen the little voice inside & allow for toxic relationships to continue way longer than they have.

I consider myself an optimist, but I'm also pragmatic & try to wear lenses tinted with logic when approaching tough emotional situations...

Let's say for argument sake: They get on the phone, Chemda say hi, mom says hi... crickets... what then? Is it up to Chemda to make her mom own up to the fact that she let her daughter get married AND have a tumor removed while being completely ignored by her family? Or just ask about the weather?
Well.. it might be a tiny bit like having a fight with your significant other. You're both angry. But sometimes a tiny gesture begins a tiny bit of ice-melting. And inside, you feel relieved to know that even tho it isn't all worked out, that there is still love between you.
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Old 06-27-2017, 12:04 PM   #26 (permalink)
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OK, story re "who lost a parent?" My wife justifiably cut off contact with her father in a similarly toxic relationship. He died, she got depressed and has had psychosomatic illnesses for years. I guess my point is, don't think of maintaining surfacy contact as a favor to Mrs. K - it's a favor to future Chemda and future Hennessy. Cutting off contact doesn't change them, and for a few years you can feel justified - but eventually, I believe it'll feel like the wrong decision.
Yes.
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Old 06-27-2017, 12:08 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Well.. it might be a tiny bit like having a fight with your significant other. You're both angry. But sometimes a tiny gesture begins a tiny bit of ice-melting. And inside, you feel relieved to know that even tho it isn't all worked out, that there is still love between you.
This is not the same as a fight with a significant other...

Especially one where a tiny gesture is all it takes to get "ice to melt"

It's not comparable at all.
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Old 06-27-2017, 12:14 PM   #28 (permalink)
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I agree with Hera that Chemda doesn't quite sound like she's at the point to completely give up on this relationship. Shutting toxic people out of your life is a big decision, especially when it's your mother, so it seems worthwhile to consider and re-consider. Question everything!

Chemda, I don't feel like I fully understand the depth of the other slights that your mom has made towards you, but I also thought that her email was almost cute. I often get the idea that parents are afraid to push too hard to get their children back in their lives. Like if they put too much pressure, they'll be gone forever. So it seemed like here she was trying to leave it up to you and let you know that she would be available whenever you were ready.

Of course that's not actually what you need right now from her, but it is with good intentions. Then the question (one of the questions) is are those good intentions are enough without the true understanding/listening that you are asking for?

(Also, Alzo rocks!)
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Old 06-27-2017, 12:30 PM   #29 (permalink)
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I get why people want Chemda and her mom to fix their relationship, be positive, and move forward. But anyone who has listened to this show long enough; will factor in that Chemdas mom has been brainwashed by religion and culture.

Chemda has been hurt by her mom. Badly. You can feel it just by listening to those shows. That's why it's hard for some listeners to be optimistic about all this.

She's married. She has really cool brothers. How much family ya need anyhow?
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Old 06-27-2017, 12:35 PM   #30 (permalink)
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I was for not giving up completely and inviting her to meet Chemda's husband at the studio btw. Than she can show if she evolved or not.
Let's take bets, who really thinks this could actually happen?
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