2773: The Silence Breakers
 

with Amy Miller – Amy’s turbulent family past; Time’s Person of the Year, Al Franken’s resignation, Mario Batali’s multiple assault allegations, and toxic masculinity; Trump names Jerusalem the capital of Israel, starts wars; The Olympics ban Russia, kind of

Guest:
Amy Miller
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I wear socks and crocs. My incredible wife is still with me.

I love you and your family more and more


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Thank you! When we were in college I had a biker jacket that I drew on a dragon and flames with a silver marker.

From now on please have Amy Miller as a guest on the show at least once a week.

Toddlers have a lot of feelings to process. Their feelings are all new, so they are all big and overwhelming. That's what tantrums are, unprocessed overwhelming emotions.
I process stuff with my kids, from earlier than three. Now my 6 year old is unusually emotionally intelligent for her age. When people listen to her come up and talk to me about her feelings they are blown away by how well she describes complex emotions.

Episode Release
 

I wanted to chime in and say that I really do not like this new episode release. I try to stay up to date with all of my podcasts and especially KATG. To see multiple unplayed episodes in my feed gives me unnecessary anxiety that I have fallen behind. I've been listening for 11 years and I like waking up to a new show in my feed on weekdays so I can listen in the morning during my commute.

While I realize that the episodes are still there for my commute, I feel like I'm behind since there are multiple unplayed episodes. It's a weird psychology thing and maybe it's just me but I really enjoy the original release schedule.

Thanks,

Yes CHEMDA!
God I totally ageee with everything you are saying today (although I'm only halfway through the epi so don't fuck it up!) :)

I am really glad it came up today, this discussion about this sexist shit being such a pervasive and basic problem we all take part in. Since I can remember, the logical stance of women being equal to men has been around and accepted but the reality and daily lives experience is TOTALLY OPPOSITE and for the most part, we've all been on board.

I joined the baseball team at school when I was nine because I thought it was unfair that I would have to play on a team specifically given a bigger softer ball because we were girls and couldn't possibly hit or catch a ball 1/4 size smaller than a softball. The GROWN ADULT MAN who coached the team intentionally hit me with the baseball when he pitched so that I would quit the team. At my parents urging I did. Complicit? All of them. This was shown to the boys on the team to do all kinds of fucked up things to girls. Normalized in a day.

When I was in high school and even into my more recent years working in the trades or doing standup, I spouted sexual garbage that I knew would make me look like the "guys girl", the "cool chick" who wasn't embarrassed or offended by anything, including degrading and insulting women. I did what Billy Bush did! (What I found was that speaking to men this way opened the door to them speaking to me in all kinds of ways I was horrified by, so I stopped.)

Another thing that underlies our speech, our conversations, idioms and insults is the absolute hatred of the feminine. If you are kind or soft (not that those have to be feminine) you're a "little bitch." Men are degraded by being called feminine. I told my super sweet lovely boyfriend that he had feminine qualities and he was insulted. We are just NOW coming around to seeing that femininity is a positive quality. In my job men insult eachother by saying things like "oh did you get hurt? Better grab the vagisil" If I said that was sexist, they would be shocked.

Some people got this way not because they don't know but rather because it's never been challenged. Like a rule that everyone breaks becuase there are no consequences. People who have a fuck ton of money and power break bigger rules.

It's irrational but that's kind of how I feel too.

I know you guys are not recording every day and I know you have very good reasons for it and usually it's no big deal.
But sometimes when current events happen it's very apparent and I think if you just dropped a stack of episodes at the same time always it would loose more of that exciting 'I get to see how Chemda and Keith feel about a certain topic and what they are up to' feeling. Which makes me less excited than finding a new episode in my feed each morning.
But as I said on twitter: your show - your rules.

Yeah I was wondering how you'd handle the current event thing also, because when something big happens (like Roy Moore not winning Alabama today) it will be so odd to have a show tomorrow that doesn't address it. WAIT A SECOND YOU DID ADDRESS IT BUT HOWWWWWW? I just looked at my feed to make sure I wasn't gonna make an ass out of myself and goddamn there's five new episodes, ONE ADDRESSING ROY MOORES LOSS. Oh you're gooood.

So is there gonna be a hiatus or something? Why did you guys do this? So you can tak a break? WHO TOLD YOU YOU COULD TAKE A BREAK?

Breaks are important - do take them, it's good for you.
I know we are spoiled here in Europe but my job gives me 30 vacation days off a year which is higher than the 20 days that I think is the legal minimum but not really unusual.

So if you want to get a 2 week vacation from KATG - doooo it.
If you plan to drop some pre-recorded episodes that are just general fun chit chat with a guest and not cover current events during that time every few days - I'll love you extra for it.
But somehow I'd still prefer it if these dropped not all at once. I'm sure Michael can figure out how to make that automatic somehow.

And while having both of you together is the gold star awesome combination, we know and have seen from the liver & tumor drama that you can rock shows on your own.
Take vacations seperately; there'll be cool stories of you telling each other what happened (and hopefully how much you enjoy to be back as a team) for us to enjoy.

He was offended by something as innocuous as that?

What a pussy.

Oh wow you just justified the whole thing with "what a pussy."

But this is what we’re all fighting for, right? To stop making each other feel threatened for having a range of physical and emotional attributes to our personality. You can change your mind about needing to toughen up your man. That’s part of what we’re asking for.


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I have had to seriously reexamine my expectations about gender roles with my boyfriend. He is gentle and sweet and caring and patient and generally all these beautiful things that attract me to him every day and show me that he his a person who I am excited about sharing a future with. But there are so many socially engrained things that show up as turn offs that I still have in me that I don't believe are cavewoman driven as everyone else is so quick to pull up.

I think the turn offs are BECAUSE of the resistance of femininity we have been socialized to accept. I found I would be turned off by his refusal to be aggressive when I wanted him to, because that "seemed feminine" to me and I've been brainwashed to hate that in men. It's not that we need to "toughen up", it's that we can see kindness as a good quality for fucking once can't we? I would so much rather exist in a space where kindness and cooperation and compassion and open exchange are valued over aggression and toughness. I mean for godssake we live NOW, we aren't fighting for survival anymore, I think we can ditch the caveman garbage.

Also I dont think there's a difference between my boyfriend not liking coming off as feminine and me not liking him coming off as feminine. It's the same bullshit that we both absorbed and need to get the fuck over.

I was really hoping it was and then immediately thought oh shit it probably was and now I'm the asshole. That's cool i can haz asshole

I don't know where to put this since it was brought up in various episodes but when I saw the trailer for Wonder Wheel i thought it was a joke. I am totally disgusted with everyone acting in this movie and especially with whomever cast justin fucking timberlake.

Well you're right. It was terrible. And I love JT, and it made me not love JT anymore. I actually walked out.

Originally Posted by kaligula 'blah, blah men are great and made the world.'

WTF!
edit: I should probably have left this for Keith. "What 'da fuck!

Justin Timberlake’s was great in that Coen Bros film. Just saying

I want to like this 100 times.

Wait what? You are not ecstatic that this prime male specimen is finally explaining to us females how the world really works?

Dare I warn you that you might be in danger of being called the c word.
(Cuck or cunt I wouldn't dare presume your gender my dear fellow snowflake)

Also I'd be totally up for making fake accounts to get that to happen but Keith frowns on that.

Not sure I want to admit this but married straight white male from the Midwest.
But, I've never raped anyone nor have I sexually harassed anyone. As Keith says I don't think I can say I've made a "mistake", I've been wrong plenty but no "mistakes".

you're out for a while? you were gonna post and now you're /not/ gonna?!?!? waaaah. toughen up, pussy.

Sorry I hurt your feelings by posting stuff on the internet

that would really take the punch out of using his own words to shame his actions.

Never Agreed With Chemda More
 

To sit here as a man at 37 years old and pretend that I haven’t participated in toxic masculinity is absurd. Yes there are levels and have I been on the grossest end of the spectrum? No. But I know I unwittingly was involved by copying behaviors that I observed and soaked in without even knowing I did. Keith was the reason I stopped cat calling by checking me on these very forums. I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS WRONG. I sincerely saw no harm in the behavior because it usually got a smile out of the women. My point is without continuing to be too long winded is that you can’t be north of 30 and not be apart of the system. I’ve grown and changed and I will continue to because I’m now aware and want to help end the system.