2779: For the Holidays

[Mermaid]

Ok... So... We ain't gonna get any updates on Keith's dating life?

I wanna hear about his awful tinder dates so I don't feel so alone.

[FingerLakes]

Keith lemme know what singles event you find to do for Xmas so I can uh....arrange a special guest to meet you there. *WINK*

[FingerLakes]

I thought the C-plot with Finn and Whatsherface was the worst part. Taking time to go to a casino and try and heist and talk about how bad the Bad Guys are was really underwhelming. I liked Poe got put in his place, so to speak, showing us that being a lone wolf asshole stuntman isn't going to cut it anymore, when we're trying to have a fucking war. No more Han solo shit. But I cried alot and you might know by now that crying is a thumbs up from me.

I also recently saw Guardians 2 and, speaking of merchandising, I was fucking bored out of my mind by Groot. He was a lovable giant oaf in the last movie but now he's just a pokemon made to make memes and sell toys. I didn't like this movie nearly as much as the first cuz, like Thor, there was too much CGI. That big fight scene where Rocket and Lando escape the Bad Dudes didn't have a single bit of actual violence in it; no real acting. Just Lando walking in front of a green screen pretending to whistle and a bunch of shit happening via computer.

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My family is shit about holidays so i haven't thought about it as a special time for years. So it is weird to find customers waiting for me to tell them "happy holidays" and shit at work. It slips my mind everyday how close we were to Christmas and new years cuz I'm just thinking about payday and when my new comics come out

[iamgrilledcheese]

I'm literally dealing with the same church over the holidays issue right now. My parents are divorced so I always have a hard time trying to figure out what to do for holidays and since my mom's mom cancelled Christmas, I bought a plane ticket to see my dad's parents. Well, I'm here two days and my grandpa starts asking me about politics and of course he's conservative and I'm liberal so, a 2 hour debate ensues.

He somehow segues into religion and asks me point blank if I believe in God (while I'm stirring the brownie mix, and completely caught off guard. Can I just make brownies??) and let me tell you they know legit nothing about my personal life and who I am. I am not straight, I have tattoos, I've done drugs, and (gasp!) Have had premarital sex. Since I was a teenager, I've always kept them out of the life I live in New York. but I go ahead just tell him that no, I don't believe in god. Another hour long debate follows.

My grandma is finally done with us both and changes the subject. After grandpa goes to bed she asks me if I will come to church in the morning and I don't feel right saying no. I'm an adult, I'm 26 and pay bills and taxes and rent and it still doesn't feel like I get to decide not to go to church. I told her I'd do whatever she wanted me to do and she said I'm an adult now and can decide for myself. She said it in such a disappointed tone that really all I feel is shame and pain. I came close to just blurting out "you still love me, right?"

Anyway, now I can't sleep and have been crying a bunch. I just want my grandma to not be disappointed in me but I would rather bang my head on cement than go to church. And I feel guilty for not going like I'm making everything awkward for everyone. What have I gotten myself into? Should I just go?

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by iamgrilledcheese

"you still love me, right?"

I just want my grandma to not be disappointed in me

I feel guilty

I'm making everything awkward for everyone.

chances are, the answer to this first question is yes. they are legitimately afraid for your soul. that fear comes from love. they want to be with you in Heaven. isn't that nice?

as for the rest of it: give fewer fucks and don't engage in religious or political debates at the family gatherings; neither time nor place. yeah, after hours long debates about church /not/ going to church might look like you're making a point. don't bring it back up. welcome everyone home with a smile, talk about /anything/ else, and go about your Chrimbo. try not to get nettled, don't take any bait. if you need an easy conversation pivot, compliment the food or their hair and bring up a happy childhood memory, flattery and nostalgia are distracting and leave a lovely taste in their mouth, then walk out of the room on that high note. boom. disengaged and smellin' like roses.

shedding the guilt is a journey. take comfort there is no heaven and they won't know you're not there in the end. xoxo

[Sparrow]

if it's still bothering you, sit your grandma down just the two of you away from everyone else and tell her straight up you worry your differences might make her love you less. heart to heart that shit. dollars to doughnuts she'll express worry, validate that nothing could make her not love you, and you can hug it out. have a little faith in your relationship, boo.

[The Girl]

WHAT SPARROW SAID!


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[FingerLakes]

Originally Posted by iamgrilledcheese

I'm literally dealing with the same church over the holidays issue right now.'

.....She said it in such a disappointed tone that really all I feel is shame and pain. I came close to just blurting out "you still love me, right?"

I hope you stopped beating yourself up at some point during that night. Fuck all that guilt. They see you still as some preteen they can control. And it seems your grandmother is the least volatile so I hope, like Sparrow said, you're able to talk to her alone and not get into a big dumb debate about vague idealogy and just talk about emotions.
*hugs*

[Keith]

Well?

[iamgrilledcheese]

Originally Posted by FingerLakes

I hope you stopped beating yourself up at some point during that night. Fuck all that guilt. They see you still as some preteen they can control. And it seems your grandmother is the least volatile so I hope, like Sparrow said, you're able to talk to her alone and not get into a big dumb debate about vague idealogy and just talk about emotions.
*hugs*

I was having a mini breakdown when I wrote that last night and had to call a friend to talk me down. But, I didn't go to church in the morning and my grandparents did not act weird about it when they got back. I'm very happy about that. Had breakfast with them and everything was normal. I'll talk to my grandma alone at some point during my trip since I'll be here all week.

The trouble will be when my dad gets here and he and my grandpa get to talking and neither has a filter and will just tell you exactly what they think. I'll try to get my pothead cousin to "go for a walk" with me to chill out.

Thanks for the advice everyone. Hope everyone has a good solstice, Festivus, yule, Christmas, Channukkah, winter, etc.