287: Wasted Youth

[Sammy]

Originally Posted by B-Rockah

That AOL guy was totally out of control, but having been a telemarketer before, anytime you do customer service via phone there are all sorts of protocols you HAVE to follow no matter how shitty a human being you have to be. AOL probably set a certain amount of refusals and rebuttals the person has to go through before they can process the request. The customer actaully has to say certain words before you can proceed. It SUCKS. On top of that though, you're constantly monitored by quality control and given reports about your performance. After the way he treated that guy he would've been gone.

I also had an AOL account a few years ago when they started the whole 'you don't need a credit card' angle. Well, the fuckers somehow got ahold of my credit card # and charged me for the month following my cancellation because it was within a day or something of their monthly charging cycle. Grrrr.... I can't stand those bastards.

What are the certain words?

[brianward81]

I think Chemda should try using the good ol' Old Man voice on AOL. And finish it off in true KATG style:

AOL: Thankyou for calling AOL, we're a bunch of fucktards and how may I help you today?

Old Man Chemda: Halloooo?

AOL: Hello sir, how may I fuck you over today?

Old Man Chemda: Can you disconnect my AOL for me? Sir? Can you dis-

AOL: Hmmm, now why would you want to do that? We haven't even begun to suck the life out of you yet. What's the problem with your account?

Old Man Chemda: I don't have a compuuuter.

AOL: Well it says here you've been connected for 72 hours since the beg-

Oy to the Vey Chemda: FUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOUUU!!

[B-Rockah]

It depends on the company, but you're given a script on a computer and you can't proceed to the next screen until you click what the customer said so you get the appropriate repsonse script. So if the customer says fuck you, you have to wait until they say something else the computer can retort. If companies were smart they'd add in a profanity response.

Also, you need to know that when on the phone with customer service people and they put you "on hold" you're not on hold, just on mute. They can still hear everything that's going on. I like to go to the bathroom to make sure they feel sufficiently uncomfortable.

[Rick]

Originally Posted by B-Rockah

have you heard of women who go and have designer logos like Chanel and Louis Vuitton waxed into their pubic hair? They pay tons of money too because of copyright issues.

Yes, that reminds me of the time I got the bright idea to wear a t-shirt with the Nike logo on it. Because of "copyright issues", that t-shirt turned out to be a very exspensive decision.

[Nick Postagulous]

Listening to this and hearing the neurotic guy ramble, I can tell you it's fake. The guy is well spoken and funny, basically outgoing. I'm not sure if you guys end up saying it, as I'm only at Chemda saying he's like Woody Allen.

FAKE

[Ding!]

Check it out -- I was so tortured by the guy on show 287 who wanted his AOL cancelled that I went online and found out that if you live in New York State, you might still be able to STICK IT TO AOL! if they harrassed you, double billed you, dick-whipped you, etc... Here's an article, but you can NYS Attorney General's website for forms & info. The best is the bullshit line the AOL spokesperson gives at the end. Are they robots? Is this something HUAR needs to take up?!

So if you live in NY, remind AOL when you cancel that they just settled a lawsuit and would they like to pay YOU for cancelling!!!!!



NEW YORK, Aug 24 (Reuters) - America Online has agreed to reform the way it handles customers who want to cancel service, effectively ending "stealth retention programs," New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer said on Wednesday.

Spitzer, announcing settlement of a lawsuit, said AOL is also required to provide fee refunds for up to four months of service to all New York consumers who claim harm based on improper cancellation requests and pay New York state $1.25 million in penalties and costs.

"This agreement helps ensure that AOL will strive to keep its customers through quality service, not stealth retention programs," Spitzer said in a statement.

Spitzer's office, responding to about 300 New York customer complaints, conducted a probe into AOL's customer service policies and procedures. AOL, owned by media conglomerate Time Warner Inc. (TWX.N: Quote, Profile, Research), serves about 21 million subscribers, of which 1.9 million customers reside in the region.

With the settlement, AOL, the world's largest Internet service provider, agreed to alter incentives it offers customer representatives who try to dissuade customers from canceling their subscriptions.

It also agreed to eliminate customer service quotas on the number of subscribers dissuaded from canceling before paying a a bonus, and to record all cancellation requests.

Actions taken on cancellation requests will need to be verified by a third party monitor by June 2006.

Customers seeking refunds will need to submit claims to either AOL or the attorney general's office within 120 days.

"AOL is pleased to have reached an agreement with the state of New York on customer care practices that we believe will increase quality assurance and assist with the verification of certain member intentions online," an AOL spokesman said.

Time Warner shares fell 10 cents to $17.71 on the New York Stock Exchange.

HA HA!

[Mootyangs]

Found this link on The Consumerist in my travels - may be of use:

HOWTO: Cancel Anything
Courtesy of an anonymous reader and telcom worker, BoingBoing has some advice for cancelling any kind of service over the phone, which weve distilled here:

1. Call outside of normal business hours, when most retention people are asleep. You may get a low-level CSR who doesnt get paid to retain you.
2. If the rep is rude or unreasonable, hang up and call right back and get a different rep.
3. Tell them youre moving. Moving outside their service area.
4. The reps are paid to retain you. Threats wont work. Keep your head cool and dance their little dance, politely.

Think of it like breaking up with a lover. One that still has your laptop in their apartment.

Read the full post here BoingBoing

[benjita]

Thanks for the information, and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!

[CaptSpaulding]

Originally Posted by Mootyangs

Found this link on The Consumerist in my travels - may be of use:

HOWTO: Cancel Anything
Courtesy of an anonymous reader and telcom worker, BoingBoing has some advice for cancelling any kind of service over the phone, which weve distilled here:

1. Call outside of normal business hours, when most retention people are asleep. You may get a low-level CSR who doesnt get paid to retain you.
2. If the rep is rude or unreasonable, hang up and call right back and get a different rep.
3. Tell them youre moving. Moving outside their service area.
4. The reps are paid to retain you. Threats wont work. Keep your head cool and dance their little dance, politely.

Think of it like breaking up with a lover. One that still has your laptop in their apartment.

Read the full post here BoingBoing

Also from BoingBoing, in case anybody doesn't know already...the AOL rep in this phone call was eventually fired. http://www.boingboing.net/2006/06/15...ustomer_r.html

[Towers]

Who is the comedian at the end of this episode?