3081: Then It Fell Apart w/ Kevin Allison

[Lanfear]

Originally Posted by Apia

I don’t think she should change, just deal with her feelings better and let some stuff go.

The question who is happier is impossible to answer.

Oh yeah the classic 'just take some drugs get over it already' approach - I wonder why she never thought of that

[shoebootie]

Right before the relationship I'm in now, I was married. We married in May 2007 and shortly after, my husband called me from one of his work trips to discuss having an open marriage. Meaning, he traveled a lot, so he wanted to fuck around. He was inspired by his parents, which sounds gross. His parents started having an open marriage when the husband was caught cheating yet again. So, I was naively coerced into this, I agreed to have an open marriage. And I was in my mid 20's and this could work both ways, so I could maybe meet people and have fun too. So mature.

I can't say this gave me PTSD per say, I answered no in the poll, but it gave me so many hang ups, nothing in this relationship was what I thought it was, I was absolutely being gaslit all the time about what was "really" happening. When I started to try to put myself out there, as my husband definitely was, I didn't intend to fall into a relationship or anything.... but here we are. My marriage was over in 2008 and my boyfriend and I have been together since then.

It did take a long time for me to be legitimately trusting of what a situation was. Because when things were good, I found myself thinking "...how am I being tricked this time? what's REALLY going on?"

[Lanfear]

Originally Posted by Apia

I don’t think she should change, just deal with her feelings better and let some stuff go.

The question who is happier is impossible to answer.

What does 'deal with her feelings and let stuff go' mean for you then?

That doesn't sound like healthy coping skills to me

[The Girl]

I have been letting go for a while. It’s an onion. I can’t rush it. Just have to keep peeling layers.

I can see the logic but I’m still pained by it. These things take time and work and I’m putting both in.

I am still a happy person. As a human there will always be some sort of pain to deal with. I’m looking at it so that I can stay honest with myself and everyone else.

Thank you for caring about me. It helps to talk about it openly which is what I’ve been practicing.




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[The Girl]

Also, after talking about my thoughts and doubts on the show, with friends and brothers, and with Xerxes, I decided to ask him to be my boyfriend tonight.

Please keep this to yourselves. I’m gonna tell him not to look at the forums so that he doesn’t know until we’re face to face tonight.

Wish me luck!


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[Enunciated Piffle]

Maybe it's the comedy/ fanboy part of me but I can't help but think Keith going, "what ARE words" and just basically pointing out, (in a funny/ slightly dick-ish way) that Chemda and Xerxes should lock it down - it helped.

Chemda and Xerxes make a super cute couple. I don't know much about Xerxes, but Chemda was married. She was monogamous. I'd imagine that's where she's most comfortable.

If anyone is deserving of joy it's her. Sometimes you gotta put your needs first - especially after being so hurt.

L'CHAIM

[punk'n]

Originally Posted by The Girl

Also, after talking about my thoughts and doubts on the show, with friends and brothers, and with Xerxes, I decided to ask him to be my boyfriend tonight.

Please keep this to yourselves. I’m gonna tell him not to look at the forums so that he doesn’t know until we’re face to face tonight.

Wish me luck!


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YAYAYAYAYYAAYYAYAYAYAY! Love you, girl! Cheers!

[The Girl]

He said yes!!


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[Bucho]

Seems a little premature to me. I mean, he hasn't even had to duel Kevin Doucet yet to reveal which of them is the most worthy of your love.

[LoopyLou79]

Just been thinking about what Kevin said about going down on a trans man and the fear of labels because you have to then conform to them.

I couldn’t agree with Chemda and Kevin on this more, labels are good if you want solidarity but inevitably come with their own set of problems. What a stupid species we are!