3232: Dopamine Loops w/ Patrick Holbert and Ross Erin Martineau
 

Secrets, lies, addiction, and infidelity; cross-dressing and wedding invitations; vvitches; dermatillomania

Guests:
Patrick Holbert
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Ross Erin Martineau
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Good for you.

But ask him.

The timing of this pool is suspicious. Lately, I’ve been wanting to be cheated on to see what it feels like or something. Am I bat shit crazy? Although, I kinda sorta maybe have feelings (or more like lustings) for two different people rn besides my bf (I’m behaving), so maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe I’ve been listening to too much Alanis and taking too much liberty with my thoughts.

You cheatin’ emotionally, bitch? Haha! - Lil Wayne

WHAT?!

Tell us more...

Also Lil Wayne : If you ain’t running with it, run from it mothafucka alright!

What would Jesus...scratch that...Lil Wayne do? JK.

I haven’t cheated since hs on a guy I didn’t like. I like to think I’ve evolved since then. I actually like this one. But part of me feels like I’m missing out on something. What does it all mean?!

An open relationship and all the extras of these guests is on the ridiculous end for me though. FFS I’m not that cool. Honestly don’t think it works. It seems even crazier than monogamy, which I don’t think is entirely natural either, but seems way more workable/rational than poly relationships.

That’s not what I said

I'm only 5 mins in, so I think this is a record for me stopping the episode to come to the forums.

I was quite shocked at how candidly they spoke and joked about having STDs, and I think it's great! More people need to be so honest about it so that it stops becoming a taboo. Obv it's ideal not to have one, but people talking about it will stop others feeling so much shame around it!

And back to the show!

These two were a lot of fun, but also a Megalodon of Williamsburg hipster nonsense.

I've heard that before, in terms of the US. I don't know if it's the same in the UK and Europe, but it's definitely not spoken about. And I feel like there's quite a stigma around it here too.

There's a stigma for sure. Cold sores are herpes. And I see a lot of people with cold sores, especially around this time of year. You can transfer that to your partner's genitals if you're not careful. And even if you are. Many people who have it are asymptomatic. A little research and awareness would go a long way for how the condition is perceived. Ross was right that HPV has less of a stigma, but that one could lead to cervical cancer in women in it's worst form.

Anyway:

I like how open Patrick and Ross are.
And I like how blunt Chemda was with Patrick.

Wonderful people! Please have them on again! They would pair magically with Casey and Courtney!

one of my vows to Bear involved my never making him dress up at any of my theme parties. so, for our reception, i went as the groom. did that involve a giant curly faux hawk with lights and a bird’s nest? yes. had my bestie go full Barbie fairy fantasy bride. it was like having a real life doll on my arm.

What the fuck am I listening to?

This opening is great
 

This is so effing perfect the beginning of this episode is like nine weeks with Julianne Moore and Hugh Grant,Well the doctor and his Robin Williams they messed up the date is now but they’re conception had to do it more cats than humans check it out it’s funny

They're like the opposite of David Feldman..the first 5 minutes:

"We're married and she's pregnant and I might not be the father and she gave me herpes."

I thought they were fucking with us. BUT NO! :eek::eek:

I loved them. More please.

This one really warmed my heart. They seemed like they truly got to a place where they are open with one another, and are really trying to enhance life for each other. It's rare to hear about these kind of relationship struggles without some obvious blind spot or darkness glaring at the audience that they deny or don't see. I'm definitely going to check out their podcast.

Also, I went to the Union Hall "church" that Patrick mentioned!!! It was rapper / comedian Jean Grae that did it. It ended well over a year ago (go nuts Chemda, your idea sounds like gold!). Jean had comedian friends come in and speak, and put together an amazing choir made of her musician friends. Calling it "church" really seemed like a joke at first. It was more of an inspirational comedy and music show, with some optional sharing and talk at the end.

But then, the second or third one fell on the weekend after Trump was elected. That basement at Union Hall was PACKED, and it really felt like a needed community group event. They had the show, but the whole room spoke to one another. The mic was passed around for people to ask questions and sharing feelings, and be there for one another. There was lots of crying (my empathic ass cried at every one after that). John Hodgeman gave me some really great advice about dealing with people who will not listen when we speak up about ethics. After that day, there was always a theme, but there was a lot more sharing and feelings.

It was totally non-denominational, really meant to be a gathering of people to have that community feeling of church, only judgement-free and with optional swearing and booze. It made me realize how devoid or society is of that; a safe emotional communal space that is free of the negatives of religion. It was beautiful, incredibly unique, and I really miss it.

Ew how is this episode so perfect. What great guests!


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Don't Ask, Don't Tell
 

If it was taking the piss level cheating, I'd be forced to do something but otherwise I don't want to know.

This was an interesting podcast to dip into, I would no way be this laid back about anything mentioned by this couple.

I finally finished the episode. It’s kind of impressive that they’re able to keep a relationship like this.

I think for me being the cheater once, it was so disastrous, that even the possibility of keeping anything open, even consensually, seems like a huge transgression to the other person, forget what my own jealousy might bring that I’m not aware of.

My first love moved cross country, and like a year after, I fell into something with a guy I dated with the wrong idea that since he likes me, I should at least give it a try. I’d finished junior year, and he’d recently graduated hs and soon went away for college. Long story short, 1st guy was back visiting extended family towards the end of the summer, while 2nd guy was gone doing his moving, and I ended up cheated on him. We had a hard time keeping our hands off each other and I didn’t stop it. I never felt that kind of intensity at all with 2nd guy.

Still, I did feel guilty, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I was thinking how do I break up, something I hadn’t done before, and should I tell him? He kinda sensed the change. He actually found it in my diary (Yh I kept a physical diary. I still do, but it’s digital now and I call it a journal lol). He blew up, but we were in this weird thing where neither did we break up...I didn’t how to or if I should..but neither was it actually dealt with beyond his initial reaction. It just kept simmering up in other ways, and I felt like shit, but I felt like I deserved it. Then, once, while we were having sex, he starting talking about it and crying, something I hadn’t seen him do, like how could I and that he couldn’t look at me anymore w/o seeing it. I started crying with him, but I felt so unsafe, like he wasn’t ever letting it go and there was no good time to end it, and I couldn’t stay.

It’s kind of intriguing to me that two people can decide not to be hurt but instead be open to their spouse having other people, and somehow make that work. It feels so counterintuitive.

For how to open up a relationship? That’s a can of worms I don’t think I’m ready for, and I cant see my bf being into that either. But I’ll look into him.