678: Fighting Fair

[Keith]

I do think 'There Will Be Blood' is a fair title to judge.

[Uncast]

Originally Posted by kiki2006

There's an excellent/scary/hilarious site about Nigerian scammers....and the rare folk who try to scam them back...

http://www.419eater.com/html/letters.htm

They have some hilarious pictures and stories where they scam the scammers into working hard for the money they never actually get...

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200706/cyberscam

Including scamming scammers into making and sending woodcarvings: http://www.419eater.com/html/john_boko.htm

and scamming them into getting tatoos: http://www.419eater.com/images/troph...jim_morgan.jpg

I love these stories. I also find it funny how this "christian brother" is in Nigeria but he has an email address from Hong Kong. NOSAGHARA@yahoo.com.hk No wonder why he can't type in English very well. Between his Nigerian and Mandarin, it's tough to get English in there as well. To be fair though, there really are only so many hours in a day.

[Zenos]

Does anyone remember an early episode when Keith wrote back to a spammer asking "does this ever really work?"

I think I'm going to try phishing for scammers and ask "does this really enlarge my penis?"

[Subsonix]

LAMB + BOY = LAMBBOY

Man, you make me laugh, Sir. Sorry to hear about your new jewellery, I would have done it the same sir.

Originally Posted by Seymour

Also, about the fake testicles for dogs...they're called Neuticles. They cost at least $75 and up to $1000. The company has sold 240,000 sets. That's $20 Million of fake pet testicles at a minimum.

Isn't the band who does the I Am Ninja theme song called Neuticles?

[Epsilon01]

re: the Nigerian scams


I used to get junk mail for "work from home" and get rich quick schemes. Most of them vaguely hinted at pyramid schemes, and the ones that always had me laughing my ass off were the ones that started out with "This isn't like those pyramid schemes you've read about."

I once had someone try to recruit me for what was supposedly a job with a pager and cellphone company, only the "meeting" I went to was at night in a rented conference space, with a lot of other people there. No one would talk about the company's services, only about all the money I was going to make in the first couple of months, and their "boss" got up and managed to spend an hour not actually revealing anything about the phones or pagers the company made or sold. I was shown a diagram of how I'd make money- which turn out to be a pyramid. I joked about how it looked like a pyramid scheme, and was assured that it was legit, something called multi-level marketing.

Bullshit talk for pyramid scheme! My bullshit meter redlined when they explain I only needed to pony up 600 bucks to get started. I politely left- and went home pissed that I fell for the first round of bullshit because I was looking for work back then and it really did look like I was being offered a real job. The meeting was creepy- I couldn't find any other job candidates, just a room full of cheerleaders for the scam.

[Epsilon01]

re: Bird boy in Russia.


What did his mom always tell him when he acted up?


Straighten up and fly right!

[MrBrit]

This clip reminded me of Keith:

[golgi body]

When I was 14 I woke up one morning before school with a mild pain in my lower right abdomen. I thought it was just gas and tried to sleep another 15 minutes before I had to get up. The pain began to grow and I was unable to sleep so I got up and went to the toilet to try and shit out the gas.

That didn't work and the pain started to become unbearable. I informed my mother, who was getting ready for work, and she thought we should go to our family practitioner (side note: while this doctor is a very highly regarded sports medicine doctor, he's a fucking sadist). While waiting in one of the patient rooms the nurse came in and performed all the various standard measurements and asked if I had any back pain, suggesting it could be a problem with my kidney. That freaked me out a bit, but both my mother and I thought it might be an appendicitis.

Well I had to piss and went into the room's toilet and that's when I noticed my right testicle was higher up than my left, turned sideways, and had swollen to about 1.5 times it's normal size. After returning to the gurney I noticed the pain intensified as I sat down. Finally, the doctor arrived and I informed him of my odd ball. He asked my mom to leave the room, told me to drop my drawers, and began squeezing and gripping my right nut. Now let me tell you, this was the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced. I fucking thought I was going to pass out as he shoved his fingers around my epididymis and every other inch of my afflicted testicle.

He immediately knew what it was and told me I had to be in surgery shortly or else I'd lose my nut. However, before I was sent off to ultrasound he made sure to inform me of the fun that lay ahead. He mentioned how they would slice open my sack, manually unravel the twisted bastard by hand, and then sew both nuts to my scrotum to prevent any future troubles.

Since I could no longer walk due to the pain brought on every time my now doubled in size right testicle touched my thigh, I was then pushed to hospital across from his office in a wheel chair to have an ultrasound reading performed on my nuts. The technician rubbed cold gel all over my adolescent scrotum and began moving a computer mouse looking tool around the area. To his surprise Mr. Righty was still receiving blood and I was wheeled back to my family practitioner's office.

He surmised that my spermatic cord either untwisted on its own, or was only 'pinched'. Either way surgery wasn't necessary and I returned home to ice my ball with frozen peas for a week. I never realized how often one's balls get moved around. Walking, sitting, laying down, every little shift in position results in your balls getting touched by something and it was insanely painful. It was a horrible experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I don't know why it happened, I wasn't jerking it, didn't have a sexual dream, nothing. I was just sleeping.

[flotsky]

Just listening to this show is making my balls ache.

[Cal]

Originally Posted by golgi body

When I was 14 I woke up one morning before school with a mild pain in my lower right abdomen. I thought it was just gas and tried to sleep another 15 minutes before I had to get up. The pain began to grow and I was unable to sleep so I got up and went to the toilet to try and shit out the gas.

That didn't work and the pain started to become unbearable. I informed my mother, who was getting ready for work, and she thought we should go to our family practitioner (side note: while this doctor is a very highly regarded sports medicine doctor, he's a fucking sadist). While waiting in one of the patient rooms the nurse came in and performed all the various standard measurements and asked if I had any back pain, suggesting it could be a problem with my kidney. That freaked me out a bit, but both my mother and I thought it might be an appendicitis.

Well I had to piss and went into the room's toilet and that's when I noticed my right testicle was higher up than my left, turned sideways, and had swollen to about 1.5 times it's normal size. After returning to the gurney I noticed the pain intensified as I sat down. Finally, the doctor arrived and I informed him of my odd ball. He asked my mom to leave the room, told me to drop my drawers, and began squeezing and gripping my right nut. Now let me tell you, this was the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced. I fucking thought I was going to pass out as he shoved his fingers around my epididymis and every other inch of my afflicted testicle.

He immediately knew what it was and told me I had to be in surgery shortly or else I'd lose my nut. However, before I was sent off to ultrasound he made sure to inform me of the fun that lay ahead. He mentioned how they would slice open my sack, manually unravel the twisted bastard by hand, and then sew both nuts to my scrotum to prevent any future troubles.

Since I could no longer walk due to the pain brought on every time my now doubled in size right testicle touched my thigh, I was then pushed to hospital across from his office in a wheel chair to have an ultrasound reading performed on my nuts. The technician rubbed cold gel all over my adolescent scrotum and began moving a computer mouse looking tool around the area. To his surprise Mr. Righty was still receiving blood and I was wheeled back to my family practitioner's office.

He surmised that my spermatic cord either untwisted on its own, or was only 'pinched'. Either way surgery wasn't necessary and I returned home to ice my ball with frozen peas for a week. I never realized how often one's balls get moved around. Walking, sitting, laying down, every little shift in position results in your balls getting touched by something and it was insanely painful. It was a horrible experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I don't know why it happened, I wasn't jerking it, didn't have a sexual dream, nothing. I was just sleeping.

I had a pretty similar story except I had a little extension of my right nut get really twisted. It was basically having a piece of flesh form a knot and slowly die. I went into the pediatrician with the same excruciating pain and while he was feeling around the tears were flowing (I was probably 12). No surgery or anything, just waiting it out. Try playing soccer during recess with that shit. I also frequently have a nut get twisted and have to figure out how the fuck to unravel the thing. I have a strong grasp of where my nuts should be so I can notice right away when things are off. Pretty intense and stressful times. If you get it wrong, it wraps more and you eventually become Lance Armstrong.