Ask Marina

[iheartnihilism]

My dearest Marina,

I ended a 4 year relationship two weeks ago. Is it okay to start fooling around with an ex who I know is no good for me? Right now I just need to feel wanted and attractive and he's good at that, he's just awful at all the other relationship stuff. I wouldn't fall for him again and I'm not looking for another bf.

In essense, is it okay to basically use this guy, who was a complete ass when we dated years ago, to make myself feel better now? I know I sound like a terrible person but I'm really hurting here. :-/

They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else but I don't know. (who really says that?!)

Thanks,
Me

P.s. I haven't had sex in almost a year.

[marina]

Originally Posted by iheartnihilism

My dearest Marina,

I ended a 4 year relationship two weeks ago. Is it okay to start fooling around with an ex who I know is no good for me? Right now I just need to feel wanted and attractive and he's good at that, he's just awful at all the other relationship stuff. I wouldn't fall for him again and I'm not looking for another bf.

In essense, is it okay to basically use this guy, who was a complete ass when we dated years ago, to make myself feel better now? I know I sound like a terrible person but I'm really hurting here. :-/

They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else but I don't know. (who really says that?!)

Thanks,
Me

P.s. I haven't had sex in almost a year.

I think that if your ex knows you're using him for sex, and you're honest about what each of you needs, then it's okay. But you have to be really honest about what you want and what you feel. If this guy is such a dick, he might not be worth your openness. Ultimately, you have to feel wanted by yourself. It's a paradox, I know, but no one else can make you feel better for real, that has to come from inside.

[iheartnihilism]

Originally Posted by marina

I think that if your ex knows you're using him for sex, and you're honest about what each of you needs, then it's okay. But you have to be really honest about what you want and what you feel. If this guy is such a dick, he might not be worth your openness. Ultimately, you have to feel wanted by yourself. It's a paradox, I know, but no one else can make you feel better for real, that has to come from inside.

Oh boo with your hard answers! :P

You're right though, I'm not even thinking about sex (even though I'm dying for it), I think, because I'm feeling so ahitty about myself that I can't even fathom it. I guess for now, just basic attention and more visits to the gym will have to suffice.
You were right so long ago, if I'd of listened the first time, my relationship would have ended when it should of and not a year or so later when we were both utterly miserable. Lesson for the day: Marina is always right. Hence this thread.

[marina]

Originally Posted by iheartnihilism

Oh boo with your hard answers! :P

You're right though, I'm not even thinking about sex (even though I'm dying for it), I think, because I'm feeling so ahitty about myself that I can't even fathom it. I guess for now, just basic attention and more visits to the gym will have to suffice.
You were right so long ago, if I'd of listened the first time, my relationship would have ended when it should of and not a year or so later when we were both utterly miserable. Lesson for the day: Marina is always right. Hence this thread.

If you're wanting to fuck, but you don't have any good prospects, my suggestion is to go buy a new sex toy. Especially buy one you've had your eye on but felt like you didn't want to spend the extra money. Then you can have exciting new sexual experiences without the mess of getting involved with someone else.