The Gay Thread

[CuriousKlepto]

Nope, don't watch it. Although I feel like I should. It seems to have a very well defined "story."

BTWs, I so totally didn't drool on myself just now, for the record.

[notedhero]

I don't watch the show. I thought about it since it has a lot of magic, and what not, but ultimately, it didn't look like it was going to suit my tastes. I never really cared for Xena or Hercules which is saying something because I liked Lucy Lawless, and I have a strong love for Greek mythology.

[DarkKnightJared]

Yeah, I'm not a real big fantasy buff, but dude is cute.

[CuriousKlepto]

Let me preface this by saying that I know I'm the asshole here. O'kay, so I was telling you all about the guy I was talking to and whatnot. And things have been going o'kay, but right now I'm hyperventalating and I'mm not sure why. We've been talking for less than a week, we haven't met in person yet, and almost every phonecall has consisted of me giggling for about four fifths of it. And just a few moments ago, he basicly said he loves me. WTF? I mean, yes, he has been pretty open and forward with me. Telling me his future plans for us. It just feels so foriegn and odd. I've gone twenty-one years without someone caring about me or giving me any attention and now I just feel like I'm being smothered. He keeps going on and on about how he just wants to spoil me, and take care of me, and how I'll never have to work again. Is there anything I can say to him to get him to slow his roll, without hurting his feelings or letting him know that I don't love him. At least, not yet. It hasn't even been a week, it took me about two months of talking to Abs before I liked him. Is there someway to do this faster, because he seems to be about fifty steps ahead of me here. I really just need a friend right now, and he's got us getting married and honeymooning in Hawaii. I hate the sun/surf combo. Please, don't judge me for being an asshole. This guy is really great, I hate that I don't like him like that yet. I hate that I'm pretnding my phone is dead right now so that I don't have to spend a fourth night in a row talking all night with him, I hate that I'm broken and can't just go with things. If and when we meet in person, I just know he is going to be completely dissapointed by me. I'm not sure if I asked some sort of question, or if this is just a giant rant, or if I'm typing this in my sleep. Just needed to get this off of my chest because I wasn't sure who to tell, and if you guys don't care, you can just skip this post.

[notedhero]

You need to answer these questions:

Did he know what your intentions were with all the myspacing?
Do you think you are feeling hesitant because you're not used to this attention?
Do you want a romantic relationship with this guy or do you want "just a friend"?

To be honest, all the giggling doesn't sound like you just wanted a friend. It sounds to me like you're intimidated by the thought that something you thought you couldn't have is now sitting right in front of you and you don't know how to deal with it. The worst thing you can do is trying to deny your feelings all of a sudden and run away.

That said, it's a little disturbing to me that the guy is already planning your future, and saying dangerously co-dependent/possessive things like he wants to spoil you. If you do decide that you want a romantic relationship with him, what you need to do is let him know the place you're currently at: totally new to relationships, and are therefore scared of going too fast. You also need to reassure him that while your head is reeling, you want to see where this takes you, and that you are invested.

If you really just want to be friends, then you have to tell him yourself. Apologize for leading him on, and extend an olive branch. You also have to be prepared for his being hurt, asking questions like if he had done anything wrong, questioning the "spark" he felt between you two, etc. You can't expect that he'll want to just be friends also. He'll need his time to collect himself, and after a while he can determine when/if he is ready for that.

Sorry, Klepto

[amikaligula]

First off, YOU ARE NOT AN ASSHOLE, you have common sense.

What's his relationship history like, if you know and care to divulge (Feel no pressure to, this is more a question to ask yourself, anyway, but I'm nosy by nature)? Because that seems to me to be the difference here between faux pas and alarm bells. My first thought was attachment disorder, but it's plausible he got lost in some moment or has a weakness for romantic notions, etc. Also, I always plan for the worst so decide how many grains of salt to take with this knowing that.

As for communicating with him, hero is of course right on the ball.

Don't feel that you have to answer the romance/friend question until you meet him in person (unless it's a def friend only, then extend the olive branch as hero suggested). Chemistry is completely different face to face (as much for good as it is for bad), so use the phone convos to your advantage and don't feel like you have to agree to anything. From personal experience, doubts expressed early on can become self-fulfilling prophesies so it may be best to keep some of them to yourself until you are sure they are not just nerves. I don't feel it's really stringing others along if you're not sure of the answer yourself. That said, make sure you tell him your limits.

Not really original, I know, but that's my two cents if it helps you at all.

[marina]

I'm getting strong creep factor. Maybe he's the exception to the rule, but no guy that says 'I Love You' the first week is completely stable. Unless he said it in one of those "You love brussle sprouts to? I totally love you and want to marry you and take you to hawaii, and spoil you and you'll never have to work again, OMG! Anyway... what do you think of Gaga's latest video?" sort of ways.

[notedhero]

I love it. Especially the gold look at the end. It's refreshing to see her with a fresher look, all white, and practically naked. And I feel like she has a good weave now.

[Abacus]

Ok, a) of all, after the first couple weeks, y'all should be discussing if you're even going to be going steady or not (lol "going steady"), not discussing marriage, jesus gosh!

and secondly, the new Lady GaGa video is fuckin AMAZING! I'm addicted to it. I've been watching it on loop since it came out. @_@

[CuriousKlepto]

Originally Posted by notedhero

Did he know what your intentions were with all the myspacing?

I'm not quite sure on this.

Originally Posted by notedhero

Do you think you are feeling hesitant because you're not used to this attention?

Yes, absolutely. I feel very uncomfortable when the attention is on me. I'm a supporting actor, never the lead.

Originally Posted by notedhero

Do you want a romantic relationship with this guy or do you want "just a friend"?

I honestly don't know. It all seems to be moving so fast.

Originally Posted by notedhero

To be honest, all the giggling doesn't sound like you just wanted a friend. It sounds to me like you're intimidated by the thought that something you thought you couldn't have is now sitting right in front of you and you don't know how to deal with it. The worst thing you can do is trying to deny your feelings all of a sudden and run away.

I have no feelings right now. Feelings never last for me. And half the time I fake my feelings. For example, my friend was in a car accident, And I had to fake be upset because I just don't have feelings like normal people. I understand that I should be feeling concern, so that is what I attempt to project.

Originally Posted by notedhero

That said, it's a little disturbing to me that the guy is already planning your future, and saying dangerously co-dependent/possessive things like he wants to spoil you.

It's very disturbing to have someone saying that he;ll do things you're not even sure you want. I'm actually pretty anti-marraige in general. And he's always asking if he can keep me and I'm really not sure how I shouldbe answering that.(I need to go watch Casper again and see how Kat responded.)

Originally Posted by notedhero

If you do decide that you want a romantic relationship with him, what you need to do is let him know the place you're currently at: totally new to relationships, and are therefore scared of going too fast.

He knows this. He's had in depth conersatons about this with his friends about this. He and all his friends know my details. It's kinda creepy that they all know so much about me and I literally know nothing of them. It's like when I see the creepers on the forums who've been here since 2005 and haven't made a single post.

Originally Posted by notedhero

You also need to reassure him that while your head is reeling, you want to see where this takes you, and that you are invested.

My head isn't just reeling, it's struggling for air. He's smothering me. I like to keep some distance from everybody, never letting them get too close, in every way. And he keeps going on and on about waking up next to me fifteen years from now. He also told me how he went looking into actually buying me a mnkey because I mentioned Curious George. I don't like being this smothered.

Originally Posted by notedhero

If you really just want to be friends, then you have to tell him yourself. Apologize for leading him on, and extend an olive branch. You also have to be prepared for his being hurt, asking questions like if he had done anything wrong, questioning the "spark" he felt between you two, etc. You can't expect that he'll want to just be friends also. He'll need his time to collect himself, and after a while he can determine when/if he is ready for that.

He's actually a really nice guy He's sweet, smart, funny, and cute. I don't understand why he feels such a liking towards me and I'm not really feeling much of anything for him. I want to, I'm pretty sure I do, but I just don't right now.

Originally Posted by amikaligula

First off, YOU ARE NOT AN ASSHOLE, you have common sense.

Why thank you my good sir.

Originally Posted by amikaligula

What's his relationship history like, if you know and care to divulge (Feel no pressure to, this is more a question to ask yourself, anyway, but I'm nosy by nature)?

He was raped by his uncle from when he was nine until he was twelve, then he was a huge slut until he was seventeen or so. He then has been a serial monogamist since. He's had seven boyfriends from then till now.

Originally Posted by amikaligula

My first thought was attachment disorder, but it's plausible he got lost in some moment or has a weakness for romantic notions, etc.

Attachment disorder on my part or his, because like I've mentioned before and in my signature, I'm an aspie, ergo I'm broken.

Originally Posted by amikaligula

I always plan for the worst so decide how many grains of salt to take with this knowing that.

As do I, I like knowing things and having a way to escape.

Originally Posted by amikaligula

Don't feel that you have to answer the romance/friend question until you meet him in person (unless it's a def friend only, then extend the olive branch as hero suggested). Chemistry is completely different face to face (as much for good as it is for bad), so use the phone convos to your advantage and don't feel like you have to agree to anything.

But he's asking now and I hate dissapointing people. I would much rather have me as the only uncomfortable person in any given situation.

Originally Posted by amikaligula

From personal experience, doubts expressed early on can become self-fulfilling prophesies so it may be best to keep some of them to yourself until you are sure they are not just nerves.

I'm not even sure what my doubts are.

Originally Posted by amikaligula

I don't feel it's really stringing others along if you're not sure of the answer yourself. That said, make sure you tell him your limits.

That's reassuring. But I'm a pushover, I'll do anything if someone asks hard enough. So long as it doesn't involve rape or murder.

Originally Posted by marina

I'm getting strong creep factor. Maybe he's the exception to the rule, but no guy that says 'I Love You' the first week is completely stable.

He's been in the nuthouse twice. Not sure if that's what you were asking for.

Originally Posted by marina

Unless he said it in one of those "You love brussle sprouts to? I totally love you and want to marry you and take you to hawaii, and spoil you and you'll never have to work again, OMG!

No. He seemed pretty serious about it.

Originally Posted by marina

Anyway... what do you think of Gaga's latest video?" sort of ways.

I don't seek out music videos, rarely will I stumble upon them, and I really could care less if I ever see them.

Originally Posted by Abacus

Ok, a) of all, after the first couple weeks, y'all should be discussing if you're even going to be going steady or not (lol "going steady"), not discussing marriage, jesus gosh!

O'kay a) of all, it hasn't been weeks, it's been > week.