The Gay Thread

[notedhero]

Originally Posted by ITGrrl

I'm gay.. or is it more right to say Lesbo? or Bi? i was married.. i just never intend to be with a man ever again.. so you tell me.. bi or les? either way.. i'm here. 39, gay, white, and proud.

Welcome Grrrrrrrrl (I think I'm going to have too much fun with this name). You can be whatever. I just say gay because odds are in favor of the dick attracting my attention more than the vag, but if you want to split hairs, then I suppose I'd be bi (quite the virgin on that side though). The labels are more for everyone else than they are for yourself...or that what I like to tell myself.

[Abacus]

Hey, you're lookin' kinda cute.. In that polka-dot bikini grrrrrrrrrrrrrl!

[CuriousKlepto]

Originally Posted by ITGrrl

I'm gay.. or is it more right to say Lesbo? or Bi? i was married.. i just never intend to be with a man ever again.. so you tell me.. bi or les? either way.. i'm here. 39, gay, white, and proud.
I've been around a while.. just thought i would start "talking".

Welcome to the club! You're gonna have so much fun!

Originally Posted by notedhero

So you randomly commented on him (somehow with him already being vaguely aware of you), and you've been talking since then? He knows you like guys, he likes guys, and during the conversations where he mostly talks, and you giggle (but somehow he knows more about you than you do him) he grows attached to your presence?

Oh, no, just like everyone else, he know next to nothing about me

Originally Posted by notedhero

Ok, so you're somewhere in between. That's someplace to start. Since you two weren't clear on your intentions, I think it's your place to let him know where you're at, and how a lot of the things he's saying makes you feel. Even if you do want a relationship down the line, he has to be clear on his boundaries and where they may lie with you.

I've tried saying that I'm not really ready to date yet, but he keeps pressing on as though we were dating. And he keeps telling me that he's got people watching me. I'm almost positive he's kidding though.

Originally Posted by notedhero

You should use this experience in general to focus on not being so self-conscious of your feelings (or even lack thereof) and express them accordingly. It'll be necessary for creating a real relationship where you don't feel like a phony.

But being phony is what I do, it's all I can be. I'm rarely comfortable around anybody enough where I don't have to be fake. I think that list includes you guys and my pet mexican and that's about it.

Originally Posted by notedhero

How do they know your details when you don't say much about yourself? Are there mutual friends somewhere in this circle? I'm having a hard time understanding how the information is traveling.

It's not a lot of details to know. And no, there are no mutual friends, I randomly friended him like five years ago and this is like our first interaction ever.

Originally Posted by notedhero

You have to figure out the distinction between his smothering you because he is truly smothering and you feeling smothered because of your neurosis. I personally know that when someone is telling me they know me, etc., etc. I get to feeling claustrophobic, and that's more to do with my having big, heavy, re-enforced with steel, brick walls around me emotionally. In this particular set-up, I think you're right to feel smothered, but I'm just saying this for the future.

I'm thinking it's half and half right now.

Originally Posted by notedhero

Also, was he meaning a real monkey or a plush monkey?

Real Monkey. There's a pet store close to him that he said has monkeys sometimes.

Originally Posted by notedhero

Also, do you know how those previous relationships have ended?

Mostly in the other guy cheating. The he broke up with the last guy about three weeks ago, which only makes me think that I'm his rebound.

Originally Posted by notedhero

As far as your feelings for him go, you can't force what isn't there. Allow things to go at a pace that you are comfortable with, while maintaining an open dialogue, and you won't find yourself in precarious situations.

I'm trying to pace things, but he just want to skip to the "good parts."

Originally Posted by notedhero

You have to know that in order to have adult relationships you have to allow yourself to both disappoint people and feel disappointed. It's a shitty system, but that's how it works.

I'm not even looking for a relationship. I really just need a friend right now. And I don't think he qualifies as one considering that whenever he calls, I'm a giggling mess and I'm really starting to hate that. I think that might also be a key factor in him liking me.

Originally Posted by DarkKnightJared

This guy, whom you've never met in person, and he only knows you from your giggling all night on the phone, wants to marry you and keep you secluded in his house?

Yeah, that's about right.

Originally Posted by naberdy

You mentioned that you guys have talked for hours on the phone so I think you need to figure out if you can get him past the whole smothering you thing how you would feel about him.

I'vr tried to but it's not really working.

Originally Posted by notedhero

Before this, it sounded like Klepto was really...I'll say infatuated.

I don't think I was infatuated, just really excited about the fact that there was someone within resonable driving distance. Now the fact that he might just pop up anytime is kinda creepy.

Originally Posted by marina

It's flattering that someone wants to be my friend, but I need to stay true to my boundaries.

If only I could learn to do that.

Originally Posted by aldo mcgee

This isn't to say that you shouldn't continue to talk to him. Get to know him. Meet him in a public place but understand that even if he says he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you it's not real. Love at first sight is great for movies but doesn't translate into real life.

I know he doesn't mean it, or at least I hope he doesn't.


Question: Why am I the only one sharing my misadventures in "dating?"

[aldo mcgee]

[quote=CuriousKlepto;
Question: Why am I the only one sharing my misadventures in "dating?"[/QUOTE]

Psh. I ain't telling these animals my dating stories. They judge too much.

Just kidding.

[notedhero]

Originally Posted by CuriousKlepto

Oh, no, just like everyone else, he know next to nothing about me


I've tried saying that I'm not really ready to date yet, but he keeps pressing on as though we were dating. And he keeps telling me that he's got people watching me. I'm almost positive he's kidding though.

Part of me wants to say that you should meet him in person (public of course) because he may be getting a different (read: playing hard to get) impression of what you're saying. Since I don't know the way you talk, that's what I'm inclined to say. However, it feels like (based off of what you've said) you've been very upfront about your feelings on the whole matter, and he's just not listening to you. This is a problem.

But being phony is what I do, it's all I can be. I'm rarely comfortable around anybody enough where I don't have to be fake. I think that list includes you guys and my pet mexican and that's about it.

That's you're first problem. You're painting yourself into a preconceived box with certain limits. In order to have more friends, you have to be more yourself so that they. If I read this right, clearly you wouldn't have a problem making friends if you translate how you act on the forums to real life somewhat. I think a lot of people who have problems socializing in person should use close-knit forums like these to experiment with how they would like to be as a sort of safe-haven sandbox of identity. You're a cool person, and you should feel like you have to be entirely fake to forge bonds that don't fulfill you.

It's not a lot of details to know. And no, there are no mutual friends, I randomly friended him like five years ago and this is like our first interaction ever.

Ok, so it's not as bad as I thought. It sounded like he knew your real name and just looked up all sorts of info on you and bragged to his friends about his new, awesome boyfriend. In that case, at least he's open (if not a little frighteningly so) about it.

I'm thinking it's half and half right now.

I think that's a sane balance.

Real Monkey. There's a pet store close to him that he said has monkeys sometimes.

Red Flag!

Mostly in the other guy cheating. The he broke up with the last guy about three weeks ago, which only makes me think that I'm his rebound.

Really? That's a little odd to me. How does he feel about that? Is he more depressed or angry about it? Either way, yes, that would definitely make you a rebound. Keep this in the friend zone.

I'm trying to pace things, but he just want to skip to the "good parts."

Well, as it stands, I think you're doing a good job of keeping the pace. You've been at this for over a week now, and despite his pressure, and your saying that you're a pushover, you've held your ground. It's good to keep your space a little by cutting conversations short if you have to. That's something I still work on, so don't feel like you're a fool for that.

I'm not even looking for a relationship. I really just need a friend right now. And I don't think he qualifies as one considering that whenever he calls, I'm a giggling mess and I'm really starting to hate that. I think that might also be a key factor in him liking me.

There you have it. It sounds like you've made a decision to me: he's a friend. I will say that most people find a relationship when they aren't looking for one, but the fact that you feel like he's falling for some idealized image of you in his head is enough to keep it platonic. I still think that you should hang out so that he does have a clearer picture of you though. As a lot of other people have said, something just isn't translating between you two over the phone. Regardless though, don't shortchange yourself. The fact is he is interested in you.

I don't think I was infatuated, just really excited about the fact that there was someone within resonable driving distance. Now the fact that he might just pop up anytime is kinda creepy.

I think that has more to do with intimacy than anything else. Unless he has your address and you've invited him over, I don't think you should be afraid of him knocking on your door.

Question: Why am I the only one sharing my misadventures in "dating?"

Well, I don't really "date." I mentioned my hook up a couple of weeks ago (or was it last week?)...but no one cared. I think shortly after that you talked about this guy for the first time...it was a little hectic around then for a few of us it sounded.

Originally Posted by aldo mcgee

Psh. I ain't telling these animals my dating stories. They judge too much.

Just kidding.

Bitch, you know you'd coming gloating along like the rest of us deprived monkeys.

[aldo mcgee]

Originally Posted by notedhero

Bitch, you know you'd coming gloating along like the rest of us deprived monkeys.

I'm having dinner with a boy tomorrow that I've been on and off seeing for a while. So there.

:P

[notedhero]

*Gasp*
Well...I never.
I feel betrayed.

[Abacus]

*I* feel horny. One of you animals gimme segs now. O:<

[CuriousKlepto]

Originally Posted by Abacus

*I* feel horny. One of you animals gimme segs now. O:<

O'kay let's go! I know a place with hay bales, too!

[Abacus]

Originally Posted by CuriousKlepto

O'kay let's go! I know a place with hay bales, too!

Hahaha! >=| Travel time's a bitch, yo.