help... i know it's dumb but hey

[william]

Originally Posted by EastTexas

It's a bible belt christian thing to try to stop people from drinking.

Yea. I never get that. Jesus wasn't drinking grape juice. We all know historically water was untrustworthy and throughout history mankind was slightly intoxicated due to the faithful and safe consumption of alcohol.

First miracle from William's New Bible:

And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, "Dude! They have no wine!"

"Woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "It's not even noon I was out all night! My hour has not yet come."

Well, Jesus figured that since he was already up and slightly hung over, the best cure for what ailed him wold be a little more, homeopathy-style. So he turned to the servants and told 'em to "Dudes, fill those 30 gallon pots up with water." And they filled them up to the brim.

And then Jesus saith unto them, "Bro, do me a solid and let the host try some" so they did.

When the host had tasted the water he was shocked. Wine! Sweet Wine! Ambrosia of life!

The host was so happy that he called the bridegroom and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now!!"

In the background Jesus nodded. "That's right," he thought. "Good ol Jesus knows his wine. "
- John 2:3-10