My father-in-law needs to go. Help!

[gym_wizard]

I need some advice people, on how to tactfully remove my wife’s dad from our house.

How we got here:

At the beginning of the year “Bill” called my wife and I out of the blue, I mean no contact in years and when we did hear from him, it was usually around the holidays and my wife (his only daughter) Shawn’s birthday; it was often a incomprehensible drunken voicemail.

So back in January, he called us and was drunk. He sincerely thought he was dyeing. My wife and I dropped everything and took him to the hospital, where it was explained that after decades of alcoholism and smoking he had a tear in his digestive tract and has bronchitis.

He has been homeless and unemployed for the better part of ten years after his divorce, sleeping on couches and staying with friends where they stay drunk and smoke daily. Furthermore, Bill has been unemployed and is overall lazy.

At the hospital I suggested that he stay with us until he gets healthy. It’s been almost a year now and we are getting tired of his negative attitude, his drunkenness, and his freeloading. Through some contacts we got him a part time job at a gas station, but he goes to work drunk- which is irritating because our kids see him do it.

From time to time he revisits his friends but when we pick him up (yes he doesn’t have a car or a license) he is wasted. I laid into him once, expressing my anger- yelling at him to get his shit together, asking him if he wanted more or if he intended on living with his daughter forever. His response was- some drunken drivel that just made me even angrier.

My wife and I are entertaining ideas of getting Bill out of the house, short of taking him to the back-country and dropping him off. We feel that we have done enough and that it is time for him to move on.

[Medium Brumski]

Originally Posted by gym_wizard

I need some advice people, on how to tactfully remove my wife’s dad from our house.

I only read this far and I know the answer, murder/suicide.

[Positive Control]

Next time he goes to a friend's house, don't pick him up.

[Ansur]

The worst part is that you have had him there long term and will, in some states, have to go through the legal process of eviction, while in others he is just a guest and you can have the police escort him out.

If you're not wanting to just toss him out the door, try contacting the Department of Family Services in your county and ask them for advice.

Or, the next time he revisits his friends, don't pick him up. Change the locks and say you were lead to believe he moved in with his friend.

Whatever you do, you can also feel shame for bringing this influence into your kids' lives and subjecting them to an unsafe home for the past year.

[RoundAbout]

I don't understand why this drunken idiot deserves any tact?

[Station]

Originally Posted by Positive Control

Next time he goes to a friend's house, don't pick him up.

This, I have found that the most blunt approach usually works. For example, I had a friend who got belligerently drunk quite often. after numerous talkings too and no change whatsoever, He did so with my friends and I at a concert we drove across two states to go see. We decided that was enough. We left him in North Carolina. Guess who got the fucking picture.

[gym_wizard]

Originally Posted by Positive Control

Next time he goes to a friend's house, don't pick him up.

That was my first thought- don't pick him up.

[gym_wizard]

Originally Posted by Station

This, I have found that the most blunt approach usually works. For example, I had a friend who got belligerently drunk quite often. after numerous talkings too and no change whatsoever, He did so with my friends and I at a concert we drove across two states to go see. We decided that was enough. We left him in North Carolina. Guess who got the fucking picture.

I guess there is no happy ending to this scenario. Fuck me for being kind enough to pick up a man who is down on his luck.

My wife and have read these replies and have decided that this weekend, when he visits his friend's and if he is drunk when we pick him (which he will likely be) tell him he is a bad influence on the kids that we aren't going to allow this in our house anymore!

Thanks guys!

[gym_wizard]

Originally Posted by Medium Brumski

I only read this far and I know the answer, murder/suicide.

!

[Rhian]

I'm coming in late, but it's your house your rules.

You did good in trying to help him but he's been so not respectful, and especially in front of your kids. You don't want it to be "grandpa drinks because I cry" or some shit.

Time's up, or he can pay rent. I bet he'll be out.

Sucks when you do the right thing and then get shit on for it.

good luck, hope it works out.

Blood ain't thicker than water.