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Old 09-07-2017, 11:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Sibling cyberstalking my wife

I'm sure the KATG forums have dealt with its fair share of cyber stalking and harassment. I am a recent transplant to Washington state from New Hampshire. For the past few months, my brother has been sending harassing texts and emails to my wife, my brother-in-law and myself. He is located in Virginia but did send a few while at my parents' house in New Hampshire. After receiving the first few messages I realized he was not of a sound mental state and cut off direct communication. Once he began harassing my wife and brother-in-law, I decided to contact the local New Hampshire authorities. They told me to continue to not engage, document any new harassment and basically sit and take it. Although there have been no direct threats of violence (besides some general threats and wishing I had been aborted), his messages to my wife have included references to oral sex, anal sex, and BDSM. I'm also going to contact the local Virginia police via an online reporting form. Here's the curveball; Although the local authorities might not be able to prosecute, he does have a security clearance from the US government and is obviously not the kind of person you want handling or accessing sensitive information. Any legal advice on how to proceed, besides just sitting quietly and taking it, would be great.

Here are the New Hampshire, Washington, Virginia and Federal laws pertaining to cyber stalking:

https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/47/223

https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=9.61.260

Section 644:4 Harassment.

Cyberstalking Laws - Virginia
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Old 09-07-2017, 11:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Sounds like you want to get him in trouble at his job for being a monster to you and your family. You don't have to sit and take it, but retaliating isn't going to make him stop.

Block his phone and email, or change yours, preferably both.

Sounds like a real shit situation.
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Old 09-07-2017, 11:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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To add to it, he's used his cell phone and 7 different email addresses. We've blocked them all and have started the long process of switching all of our accounts to new email addresses. We will eventually contact the authorities involved in security clearances, we just wanted more backing from local authorities before proceeding on that angle. Since it's interstate without specific threats of violence, they seem to be ambivalent.
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Old 09-07-2017, 12:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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This is an awful situation. I sympathize but gotta ask. Can you give us any background on why your brother is losing his mind?

Is he on drugs? Is he mentally ill? Or is he simply jealous of you...? Curious.
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Old 09-07-2017, 12:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Wait, are you and your brother Dustin and Paul Infante? Paul Infante posted this on the Keith and the Girl Facebook page.

"I'm just really bummed out about my younger brother Dustin Infante 37 years old from long beach has stolen my life insurance money that my grandfather set side for me for nearly 20 years. i moved to Washington dc to work. Dustin stole the money in march since in was not in California or Oklahoma to defend myself and signed the beneficiaries. i wish some one would talk to him and help me collect the money. i cant get any of my family members to help me and i cant file a police report from maryland. please help he is a avid listener of keith and the girl. thank you."
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This idiot's on your side, Danny.
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Old 09-08-2017, 10:15 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Nope, not Dustin or Paul.

Here's the condensed back story. Every time I tell this story people come back with "WTF!". This all flared up after an incident on Easter. My parents, who live upstate, and my out of town sister were coming over to our house for Easter brunch. I own a dog and my mother-in-law, who lives next to us, brought her dog over to our house as well. The two dogs fought over some food they found in the kitchen. The two dogs were immediately separated and kept in different rooms. This triggered my father and sister who both have a notorious hatred of all animals. They began screaming that they were going to kill our dogs. My father charged at my mother-in-law from across the room and attempted to break her hand while trying to rip her dog away from her. After pulling him off of her, he then attacked my wife by grabbing her forearms and shoving her back. We finally got them to leave when we pulled out our phones and threatened to call the cops. My in-laws discussed filing a police report, but we naively thought that this would keep us entangled legally in New Hampshire when we were attempting to move cross country.

My brother, who was in Virginia at the time, must have felt that it was his duty to defend that side of the family. (For an idea of family dynamics, let's just say they are Trump supporters and my wife and I are definitely not). He may be on painkillers after suffering a back injury and is notorious for starting to drink first thing in the morning.

All of this sounds like a lot of trailer park bullshit, but I guess that's my life right now.
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Old 09-08-2017, 11:59 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Are you willing not to talk to your family again?
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Old 09-08-2017, 12:19 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Those particular individuals, yes! My wife and I have started calling them the "Basket of Deplorables" as to not call them "my family". I have a giant extended Irish Catholic family, so I'm still maintaining contact with aunts, uncles, and cousins that had nothing to do with the events and have always been in good standing. This is not completely abnormal for this clan. I have aunts, uncles, and cousins that I've never met because of previous falling outs and family drama.
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Old 09-08-2017, 04:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Yes, let his bosses know.
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Old 11-17-2017, 04:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Here's an update. We did end up going to the court and were able to get a temporary restraining order. Unfortunately, we had a second hearing two weeks later and the judge denied the year-long extension. The judge noted the technicality that a majority of the harassment happened outside the jurisdiction. We were in the middle of moving from the east coast to the west coast, so there is not much we could change about that. The second was that we wrote a letter to my father explicitly saying the harassment should cease. We were acting on the advice of the police to not contact my brother directly. Even though my brother was 100% aware of the contents of the letter, we did not send a copy to him, the judge gave him the benefit of doubt. In the end, we did score a minor victory because we scared the living hell out of him by threatening his ability to work. He was also forced to pay a lawyer to represent him in court. We also have a signed affidavit that he will cease all communication with us. The judge also stated that even if the extension was denied on paper, both parties should operate as if it had been.

Here are my takeaways for anyone else dealing with this:

A) Get a lawyer. We were winging it and no amount of internet research will replace someone that has far more knowledge of the law.

B) Have that lawyer communicate on your behalf to the harasser or the harasser's lawyer.

C) Anything you text or email will be used against you, so be as diplomatic as possible at all times. I called my sister a See You Next Tuesday after she physically threatened myself and my wife and screeched she would kill my dog in front of my children. That was used against me by his lawyer and the judge didn't want to hear the context of why I texted it. I only had my verbal account, but they could show texts.

D) Document and date everything.
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