What made you break up?
Curious to see the results.
I know that Keith and Chemda do an awesome job at helping couples stay together, but sometimes what used to float your boat, now just sinks it. What made you two break up? Who did the dumping? Horror stories? Best food/movies to help you get over it? I wanna hear it all. |
For my last one I couldn't decide whether to pick "he cheated" or "found out he was a crazy asshole". It was a toss up.
But this new one is a gem! :D |
I replied that it was one BIG fight... but it was many very small fights that just escalated into one really big fight
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Before Dr. BF I would occasionally get gross with the guy that sold drugs to the remedial classes. We stopped because he moved to Missouri to marry a woman he'd met on the Internet. I answered that I found out he was an asshole, but really I knew that the whole time, just that his assholishness was the ultimate end to our foray.
I guess we were never actually together, so it wasn't really a break-up, but it was probably the most serious relationship I had before the current one, which has been going for awhile and doesn't show sings of ending anytime soon. |
I got tired of seeing her everyday and when I told her so she got mad
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Anyone ever been dumped via text message? Curious to see the results.
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Which time?
And at this point I'm married for 18 years. Do any of them count anyway? |
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I met this girl right after I moved to Austin in July, pretty, kind of a hippie. She had a little bit of weight on her and wasn't the hottest on this planet but I was lonely and kinda fell right into the whole thing. Anyway, we got along and then started seeing each other. After three months of us dating she told me she loved me, and I thought I loved her too, kind of silly looking back but at the time it made some sort of sense. A month later while I was at work she moved all her stuff in. We lived together until the beginning of March and she did nothing but sat on her ass and maybe cleaned the apartment once a month. Never had a job, paid no bills, and complained any time I asked her to do ANYTHING while I was out making money to support her sorry ass, but decided she would give me shit when I would cook and not wash the frying pan right away. We never fought, which she loved, but I hated because we couldn't have a serious conversation without her getting upset/crying. Then she started culinary school and it gave me a lot of time to think about all the shit that pissed me off.
I got tired of it, and one night while she was at school I packed all her shit up and split with her. She is still trying to come over every single day, and if she does she complains about how shitty her life is now, how she doesn't have any friends, blah blah blah, to the point where I just get pissed again and tell her to leave. Ah well, I guess it's my own fault. Hoping I won't make that mistake again. |
My last ex was banging his ex.
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My last boyfriend was an alcoholic and I didn't realize just how badly it affected his life and our relationship. I could never get him to do anything with me, not even when it was free, like the beach. We went to a nice dinner once, but I picked up the tab (naturally). We worked at the same hotel so I arranged for us to go to the fancy restaurant and had a chef's tasting menu planned, all for free, and that night, he had spent half of his paycheck on booze, the other half was garnished for an old lawsuit he owed on, and he made up some excuse about not being able to go because he didn't have enough money to tip the kitchen. Nevermind he had never tipped the kitchen before or had been the recipient of a tip (he was a chef). It was a bullshit excuse that didn't matter, and I was over it. I was not so into him that I was willing to stand by him while he continued to waste away, and I didn't want to be the one to try to rescue him. I had too much self-esteem for him, and I knew I deserved better than bullshit excuses and getting dicked around.
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I went with "I found out s/he was a total crazy," but most often that would apply to me. My family is dysfunctional to the point of being scary and I'm close to them, and it's just so much easier to go along with the circus when I'm around them than to be eaten alive. And since I now tend to date sane, sensible people, the warning bells go off and they end up running away, as they probably should. |
Wow, nothing really for "we just went separate ways." We didn't have a lot in common. I didn't feel like I was any good at relationship stuff, and didn't want to commit the time to get better. We're still friends though.
Maybe I'm crazy? I guess most people would just ride it until the relationship crashed and burned for some reason. |
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The last time there were a lot of silent issues who were brewing, so there was a monster fight at New Year's Eve with bad words, slappings and anger.
Before that i've dumped in the cold "text message" way one time. I also upped the cowardry by changing my phone number afterwards. I got that end of the stick too, anyway. The worst breakup i had developed as follows: -I try to call the person and she doesnt answer, repeatedly. No previous arguments or fights were had. -I receive a text saying pretty much "I dont want us to see each other". -I freak out. Ponder. Get hammered. Then call at night until she agrees to at least meet and give me an explanation. -I go to her house the day afterwards at the time she said. She isnt there. I wait. For a long time (i was young and still believed in love). -Her sister appears and basically tells me that the girl doesnt want to speak to me. -After a bit more drama, i happen to speak to her and she says "I just stopped loving you for a while but id didnt want to fight or talk about it. Now leave me alone" I still dont know why. My heart broke and i never been the same since. That time my ability to love people sincerely died. |
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The rest of your post made me sad. |
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My most impressive break-up story is more to do with the follow up rather than the breakup circumstances. I basically broke it off with this guy because he was starting to be weird, distant, creepy, and seemingly way into some nasty drugs. Being a girl, about a year later I heard a song that reminded me of him (puke, I am so lame). And drunkenly decided to call him. That call went something like: Me: Hey, what's doin? Him: Wow, since the last year, I got testicular cancer. Then I met this girl and we got married, by a priest, totally high, at like 3am on a Tuesday. She got pregnant and then purposely aborted our baby by drinking an entire bottle of scotch. Then when I confronted her about the death of baby by alcohol, she tried to stab me, then we both went to jail, and now here I am. Me: Ah, I see. OK, bye. |
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But, it's old stuff, happened years ago. I just know (and i was told by my therapist too) that it was the type of break-up that makes people scared of falling in love and act like douches to others for a long time. Not completely untrue. I've been changing lately but that really made me feel entitled to be an asshole for a long time. And i would lie if i told that i dont have a bit of a creepy feeling when i remember sitting in front of that door. |
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Yes, that would make me feel creepy too. And I think most of us have had that feeling of "why did I get myself into this only to end up being stepped on and feeling horrible." But in the end you realise you're not a creepy stalker and you're not a long time douche, and you sort yourself out and heal. If we didn't feel crap when things end, why should we care when things begin? |
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And i'm not only talking about relationships, although those are always the hardest and most rewarding of interactions. I literally tried everything to be completely empty and emotionless. I didnt want to get involved too much with people, care about them, even think too much about them. It also had to do with my family issues. I just thought that if having emotions and caring about others made me feel bad, i would just make myself like a piece of concrete. And i admit this too. For a long time, i enjoyed making others suffer that way. It made me feel less weak. I reveled in being an asshole. Then, with time and thanks to good people (and i obviously include the KATGers and K and C themselves), i turned into a normal person again. It was a looooooooooooooong process though. And i understand very well how some just never get out of it. Oh Teddy. You just turned me into Emo Junk. Darn. |
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But maybe you're the exception. |
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Conveniently my last two breakups have just been that I needed to move somewhere hundreds of miles away.
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I'm surprised that cheating isn't taking the lead :O
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I keep trying to post in this thread and it fails miserably. Fuck my router.
Two exes was never really love anyway. We just lived together and hung out and very occasionally had sex. My most recent one, I'm still trying to work out. Living together and marriage and whatnot had been talked about without any freaking out, and it was the best thing ever for a while. Then after Christmas, there would be ignored phonecalls followed by "sorry, I was cooking" texts three hours later. And the sex stopped. And the kissing was forced. Starting to wonder whether I was basically used as a safety net for breaking up with her ex and feeling like she didn't really have any close friends. Certainly absolutely battered my faith in my character judgement, and as a result it will take years before I trust someone else enough to put that much of myself into it. Also, fuck her. No one goes from being so blissfully crazy for each other (and the BEST of friends) to "I don't know, I can't explain why I don't feel it any more." That's bullshit - she was just lying to begin with. |
OK, it turns out that I am replying, but when I refresh the thread I can't see my posts. Sorry for the shitty mega-multi-post.
I still say my router is to blame somehow, the shiny white cunt. |
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I am sorry it's affected you so significantly though. What do you think it was that just stuck with you to make you feel so insecure about relationships?? |
Hmm. Never really got what it was exactly, but mostly it was the fact that i invested so much of my heart into something (I wanted to marry. nuff said) and that it disappeared in a blink, without an explanation or even a red flag. She just got tired and burnt the bridge without even thinking twice.
So i got insecure about myself (and having super-cynical friends that loved to say "She jkust found a bigger dick, hahahaha" didnt help. Let alone my father that promptly commented "Of course you fucked it up. You alkways fuck up."), my way of dealing with people (not only girls). I thought that maybe i was giving too much, that i had to become harder and colder (again a wise daddy thought "Women respect you if you treat them like shit"), that i put her under too much pressure, that i humiliated myself and came out as a wimpy doormat. I thought i had been an idiot by letting someone else be the center of my life. After she was gone, i couldnt find my life anymore. Everything was linked to her. So i turned into a prick. I had relationships but never really got involved deeply with anyone. It wasnt an improvement but it made me feel protected. And being the asshole, sometimes made me feel stronger. Then, after alcoholism, drugs, suicide attempts and therapy (not totally related), i met a girl who litterally gave everything she could to make me happy. And i loved her somehow. It didnt last, because she had to deal with too much shit, moodswings and bitterness but she changed me back. And now i'm in a partially functional relationship, and somehow, a happier person. I still think that a bad moment could push me back there, but i feel stronger. Waaah. |
Sounds like I'm at the point you were just after you broke up. So you're saying I should stay off the drink? :D
Nah I've got good friends and I'm getting better at fighting the ADD to distract myself with movies, TV shows etc. And she lives in a different town, so I guess I have it relatively good. |
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I don't wanna be the bitch that just "gave up"..... |
sometimes its just the right person but wrong time.
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Did I start asking, yes. It wasn't one of those things where I just sucked it up and did it though. The first few relationships were with women that asked me out. I guess from there just getting a little confidence and age I got a thicker skin. Now my feeling is, like me or don't like me, I don't care. Here's one funny story from the period where I was still unsure of how to react to things. So, I'm in a bar, it's kind of crowded and I'm standing along the wall (wallflower). This girl comes over and just starts kissing me. I don't remember what went through my head, but I just stood there not doing anything for like 20-25 seconds. She stopped, looked at me and walked away. It was weird. When I think about it now I think of the UK tv series Peep Show, there's an episode where Mark is in a supply closet with this chick and she starts grinding her ass into him and his inner monologue is "Does she know what she's doing? Just stand still like a statue. It can't count as a sexual harrassment if you stand still like a statue." |
I need to stop looking at this thread. Just makes me depressed all over again.
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