ty :)

yeah i guess i'm not a TRUE lowlife until I steal loads of cash from my 'rents... oh well, that'll teach me??

I threw a rock at a moving vehicle when I was 8 because I was an idiot. Nobody got hurt at least.

hmmmm, too many to choose from!

throwing rocks
 

When I was 14, me and my buddies thought it was a fun thing to throw rocks at semi trucks in Chicago. After about the 5th truck, one screeched to a halt in the middle of the street, the guy ran out, caught me, then lifted me off of the ground while choking me. He then threw me on ground, and calmly walked back to the truck and drove away. I think I peed a little. I learned my lesson.

When I was like, 5-8 I knew where my dad stached his money, and stole about $20 a week from it. But to be fair, I wasn't getting allowance then and I've been good with money, so most of that went to my college fund anyways...

Also in my Junior year of High School, there was an old lady substitute teacher nicknamed "Jabba" (after Jabba the Hut). Every class that she ever subed for, was pure mayhem because she couldn't keep order at all, and was a pretty horrible teacher. Anyways, after one of the more mayhem-filled sessions (people sleeping on the floor, turning the TV on and off with stolen remote controls, jumping in and out of windows) she of course wrote a several-page letter to our teacher about how bad we were, and a few kids were being threatened with suspension, and at least one with jail time for the stolen remotes. Me and one of my buddies in the class came up with the idea to say that the teacher seemed drunk, and slept through most of the class... none of the kids got in trouble, and last I heard the sub hasn't worked in this school district since. I don't feel too bad about this one, because as I said, she was a pretty horrible teacher to begin with, and since she was old, it wasn't like she was trying to work through the substitute teacher system to become a "real" teacher.

HAHA this reminds me, not that I consider this one of the worst things or anything, but my sister and I used to get vicks vapor rub and put it under our eyes so that we would tear up, then we would tell our brother that our grandpa died. It was convincing for a moment or four, but once we saw that he was really going for it, we would crack up and just fail.
I also used to dunk my brother a lot in the pool. At least until he got stronger than me. Damn that teenage strength.

I was about 12 or so when a douchebag that annoyed my brother and I was being particularly annoying. We decided that we should tell him that we were going to pick up some cigarettes, and along the way I elbowed him in the face out of nowhere which sent him landing on his back and bleeding from both of his nostrils. Being that it was late at night, when he ran to the closest establishment, the grocery store, the night cleaning guy was confronted with a 12 year old bloody kid banging and screaming on the glass about someone chasing him. The kid didn't get let in, and the guy got to watch us tackle the dude down and beat his ass some more.

I'm not sure if this was our fault, but my brother and I beat this dude's ass constantly for talking shit (I'm talking, at least 5 years) and he turned out to be flaming gay. He would come into the restaurant we worked at and make out with his boyfriend while they waited in line. People would stare, and this was downtown Phoenix where weird was a constant state of affairs. We often reflect on beating that dude into gayness.

I was tripping on acid and took a shit on someone's car hood while they watched from a house window, in the middle of the day. It fucked up the paint job.

I was the driver of a getaway car when we drove up on some asshole who stole shit from a buddy, and tagged him with a 5 foot long fighting staff while going 45 mph right in the back of the head... HARD! I watched him face-plant right over his handlebars.

Some asshole shot me with paintballs while I was on duty as an MP, so I dumped a can of pepper spray into his A/C vent as he sat contently in his room thinking he had escaped me. Asshole. That shit doesn't come out of fabric easily (the pepper spray).

I took a shit in someone's bookbag, tossed it into their locker, super glued the handle, hinges, and frame shut. Then I put a big fucking master lock it. I have no goddam idea how the hell they ever got that open, but it took a few days to accomplish and the insane yelling about the giant dump in the bag was worth the effort. It was grand being an immature 13 year old bored kid in a small town.


Sweetest revenge: A fucking bitch of a woman took advantage of my friends and I. Allow me to explain. We were talked into helping this bitch pick rocks from a field for an old woman in Montana. We all went out over a 4 day weekend and worked like slaves for the promise of $20 each person per day. 2 months later, we still hadn't been paid so I called the state board of labor and reported her ass. Ten days later, I had a check for myself and all my friends who had helped. We cashed the check and were happy. The money had been pulled by the state from her checking account, and she missed rent and a shitload of other bills, as well as not being able to buy food for herself or her many cats that she kept. She called me all pissed off and ranting on about what a horrible person I was. Being a 15 year old, I of course didn't give a fuck, and said nothing until she had worn her fat self out, and only said "You should have paid us", before I hung up on her.

I used to get pissed off at this mouthy cunt who would yell insults at me as she whizzed by on her bicycle ( I was 12) and could never catch her. Instead, I loosened the nuts on her front tire, and she got fucked up going off a curb. I remember her getting stitches on her face. I also remember the insults having stopped. I don't deal well with insults when I'm in puberty. Thank god that passed long ago.

My most endearing memory will be being insulted at McDonald's when I was working alone in the burger making section, and taking off my hat and shirt during the afternoon rush and dropping it in the french fry oil right in front of some really high placed management people who were there for an inspection or some such crap. The looks were gratifying as I walked out yelling "You can all suck my fucking cock!" Then my friend followed along, dropping his hat and name tag into the nugget fryer. My brother said some shit about how what I did was really costly to the place and embarassed the shit out of the manager. Fuck that bitch.

I have some more, but they were due to using meth so I'm not posting it up. It's really fucked up shit and I surely affected some lives in a meaningfully negative way.

hmmmm not the worse but admiting to anything more will wind me up in jail
 

When I was about 15 my friend and I discovered that we could put our hand in a credit union mail chute. We started doing it regularly removing loan payments etc etc and used to get beer and drink it whilst reading the accompanying letters laughing at these people probably being evicted.

I've done a lot of funny bad shit too.

In high school I superglued the door lock to the band room shut the morning of a big competition. All the instruments were kept in a closet in that room, and I think some skinny kid had to go through a vent to get in and unlock it manually.

I had a roommate in college whom I despised. I peed a little into her facial zit medication (she had to leave it on her face overnight). Another roommate's mail went down the elevator shaft.

I had a roommate later on with an enormous shaggy dog who'd leave hair all over the house. When the girl was moving out, I swept the entire house, opened up one of her moving boxes, and "packed" the enormous pile of dog hair and dust for her to find later.

When we were 15, my friends and I were at a slumber party, and we mixed a bunch of baking soda and water, put it in condoms, and left them in people's mailboxes and in the front seat of a pickup truck.

God, I'll probably remember a lot more later on...