Your Romantic Advice

[Tony Spectacular]

Sure he's not gay?

No homophobia.

(hey, if thicknecks can say no homo...)

[campy]

Rococo
I don't think it can be that hard to figure out. If he isn't dating anyone else and never has since you guys have been "friends", he's into you. If you're friends can plainly see the attraction he has for you, he's into you. If you are always the one to start a conversation like "I am totally into that guy in my psych class..." and his response is to quickly bring up some random girl he likes in his Lit. class but you have never seen this girl and you can clearly hear the defeat in his voice...he's into you. If he prefers to hang with you then go cruising for girls with his buddy's he thinks he has a shot. If he's crashing on your lumpy couch rather then going home to his comfy bed he thinks he has a shot. If he has ingratiated himself with your roomies and they all love him, he thinks he has a shot.

You, know he likes you and you love the attention. You are leading him on and like the idea of a guy secretly crushing on you. You like having a wing man, you like a guy complimenting you regularly without any strings....

It's not fair on this dude my dear. Let him go find some pussy and back off. Go out with your ladies, meet a few hardcore assholes and learn to appreciate this "friend" who is perfect for you but you are too caught up in yourself to treat him with the same love.

[Cretaceous Bob]

Originally Posted by campy

Rococo
I don't think it can be that hard to figure out. If he isn't dating anyone else and never has since you guys have been "friends", he's into you.

Keep in mind that he could have dated someone else but still been totally into Rococo.

Originally Posted by campy

If you're friends can plainly see the attraction he has for you, he's into you.

Yup.

Originally Posted by campy

You, know he likes you and you love the attention. You are leading him on and like the idea of a guy secretly crushing on you. You like having a wing man, you like a guy complimenting you regularly without any strings....

It's not fair on this dude my dear. Let him go find some pussy and back off. Go out with your ladies, meet a few hardcore assholes and learn to appreciate this "friend" who is perfect for you but you are too caught up in yourself to treat him with the same love.

I strongly disagree with the implications of fault on the part of Rococo. This guy is responsible for every bit of hurt indulging his fantasies causes.

My opinion is that this guy is hurting/deluding himself and is in for a great deal more hurt unless Rococo really puts the brakes on even being close friends with him. Infatuations don't dissipate without distance.

[Tony Spectacular]

You could definitely be right, Campy, but this has solid denial/beard possibility. He might not even realize it himself. Staying on your couch, comfy or no, has strong avoidance vibes to me. He's avoiding his life, avoiding his sexuality, avoiding sobriety (which generally ties into one or more of the others), or, yes, maybe avoiding the reality that he won't be getting with you. Not for nothing, but what he's avoiding ain't necessarily involved with his relationship with you. But no matter what he's ducking, if you two are that close, have the conversation. It'll be weird and awkward and you might not talk for a little while afterward, but talking it out will strengthen the relationship in the long run if the relationship is strengthenable.

[Tony Spectacular]

That's right. Strengthenable.

[Cretaceous Bob]

Originally Posted by Tony Spectacular

You could definitely be right, Campy, but this has solid denial/beard possibility. He might not even realize it himself. Staying on your couch, comfy or no, has strong avoidance vibes to me. He's avoiding his life, avoiding his sexuality, avoiding sobriety (which generally ties into one or more of the others), or, yes, maybe avoiding the reality that he won't be getting with you. Not for nothing, but what he's avoiding ain't necessarily involved with his relationship with you. But no matter what he's ducking, if you two are that close, have the conversation. It'll be weird and awkward and you might not talk for a little while afterward, but talking it out will strengthen the relationship in the long run if the relationship is strengthenable.

Um, I didn't read any of that into it, and I think you might be assuming somethings or contextualizing things to a degree that I don't know is accurate.

You're providing other reasonings for being around Rococo other than that he is "in love", but I don't see a reason to do that. Getting "gay" out of a pretty common instance of dude being a fucking lameass bitch over a girl really seems off to me.

[Medium Brumski]

Dear Rococo,

Have one of your roommates fuck him. Win-win-win situation.

[Rococo]

Originally Posted by campy

Rococo
I don't think it can be that hard to figure out. If he isn't dating anyone else and never has since you guys have been "friends", he's into you.

He's dated other people.

Originally Posted by campy

If you're friends can plainly see the attraction he has for you, he's into you.

Maybe they just don't understand how women and men can be friends.

Originally Posted by campy

If you are always the one to start a conversation like "I am totally into that guy in my psych class..." and his response is to quickly bring up some random girl he likes in his Lit. class but you have never seen this girl and you can clearly hear the defeat in his voice...he's into you.

I've met the girls he's dated. I've given him relationship advice. I've helped him get laid.

Originally Posted by campy

If he prefers to hang with you then go cruising for girls with his buddy's he thinks he has a shot.

Maybe I'm just cooler than his "buddy's"

Originally Posted by campy

If he's crashing on your lumpy couch rather then going home to his comfy bed he thinks he has a shot.

He lives in a dorm with a stinky guy. We live in a house and our couch is awesome.

Originally Posted by campy

If he has ingratiated himself with your roomies and they all love him, he thinks he has a shot.

Maybe he's just a charming guy.

Originally Posted by campy

You, know he likes you and you love the attention.
You are leading him on and like the idea of a guy secretly crushing on you.

Well, that's rather presumptuous, don't you think?

Originally Posted by campy

You like having a wing man

Who doesn't? That's (among other things) what friends are for.

Originally Posted by campy

you like a guy complimenting you regularly without any strings....

He's a gentleman and he's very supportive of me. I like that about him. I feel good about myself when he's around, and yes he tells me I'm pretty and smart. Something wrong with that?

Originally Posted by campy

It's not fair on this dude my dear. Let him go find some pussy and back off.

Trust me, I'm not keeping him from getting laid. And back off? How does one back off from one's best friend?

Originally Posted by campy

Go out with your ladies,

I do.

Originally Posted by campy

meet a few hardcore assholes

Why would you wish that on me? Sadistic.

Originally Posted by campy

and learn to appreciate this "friend" who is perfect for you but you are too caught up in yourself to treat him with the same love.

Wow. Just wow. Thanks for the brilliant advice. I'll refrain from writing what I think you should do, except that you should maybe look up the concept of "projection."

PS-- he's not gay. He had a girlfriend for 3 years in high school, he dates girls and has had a couple of short term girlfriends since we've been in college. Plus, we talk about sex and relationship stuff all the time. I'm an Advocate, we both listen to Savage Lovecast religiously, and we have several close gay friends. If he was into dudes, I'd know about it.

[Cretaceous Bob]

Yeah, I saw that coming.

You break up posts in to quote blocks more than even me and you don't shy away from fightings words.

I like you.

[Rococo]

Originally Posted by Cretaceous Bob

Keep in mind that he could have dated someone else but still been totally into Rococo.

I'm willing to entertain this possibility, even though it makes me feel a little self-aggrandizing.

Originally Posted by Cretaceous Bob

I strongly disagree with the implications of fault on the part of Rococo.

Thank you, Bob.

Originally Posted by Cretaceous Bob

This guy is responsible for every bit of hurt indulging his fantasies causes.

My opinion is that this guy is hurting/deluding himself and is in for a great deal more hurt unless Rococo really puts the brakes on even being close friends with him. Infatuations don't dissipate without distance.

Okay, but if it's true and he really does have these feelings about me, how do I put the brakes on? It seems awful to say to your best friend, "we can't hang out anymore because I suspect you might be interested in me romantically." And what if I ask him and he says, no he doesn't feel that way about me? Do I still have to "put the brakes on" to be safe? The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I really, really love him. But more like in the way that Rev Jen loves Faceboy (minus the past sex) than in the way that Keith loves Kat.