[guitarrob]

I read all of these and my low point just seems so silly in comparison to yours, but i'll post it anyhow.

When I was 15, I was being a shithead kid (skipping school, sneaking cigarettes, etc) and my dad (who divorced my birth mom when I was 5 and was raising 3 kids on his own) finally had enough. He and I had a huge fight, and I moved into my birth mother's house. I thought the grass would be greener on the other side, but it wasn't. I completely lost contact with the only side of the family that gave a fuck about me and was put in the home of an alcoholic 40-something who was living the life of a 20 year old who was never home, and when she was, she only pretended to give a fuck. I started smoking cigs heavily, dabbling with weed, having promiscuis sex and drinking until I blacked out, and birth mom never noticed. I fell into a deep depression and planned a suicide, complete with note and all. Pussed out and kept on with the risky behavior. Towards the end of my first year of college, I was run dry, had no idea what the fuck to do. I finally made contact with my dad and we reconciled, thus moving out of birth mothers house back in with my dad and stepmom (whom I call Mom). It was only up until a few years ago that I finally made amends with the rest of my dad's side of the family, and have been on the outs with my birth mother ever since. Then a year ago, my grandfather, the wisest, most genuine person I knew passed away from cancer, which spiraled me back into depression.

I continue to struggle with my depression, strong feelings of inadequacy, and "mommy issues" daily. I feel like I'm constantly being judged, I have some sort of sick need to be liked by people (especially in this community), even though people have said otherwise I feel like every song a write is god-awful, and my mommy issues affect my relationships with women. I feel like a basket case half the time, but I try to stay positive because things do get better. I just wish they would already.

I probably left stuff out, but it's still tough looking back at all the stupid shit I've done.