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Regarding the hard nosed financial shit...
If this is gonna go down the way I think it will then by all means gather your financial records together but make a solid commitment to lay off one another's pension plans, insurance, benefits etc.
Make no mistake, you want to get out of this as cleanly as possible and you don't want to fuck around trying to fuck each other over. Likewise with the house, sell it and split the proceeds 50/50. Have some representation if you feel you need to but remember this - lawyers are in it for them and not for you.
If you can, draw up some documents that set out some basic conditions (like those I've oulined above) and make copies for yourselves, each sets of parents and a trusted third party. The end game of this is to get out of this fucking mess as cleanly as possible so that you can start over Adam. Make no mistake, you think shit sucks now - I garantee you that it's gonna get a whole lot more worse for you mentally and emotionally in the coming months. You're gonna experience feelings of failure, of heart ache and pain that no amount of knob polishing from the hot chicks here is gonna assuage. You're gonna wake up at two in the morning alone and in tears and you're gonna need to be able to do that without the added pressure of your cunt ex-wife trying to take everything else from you.
If you're getting therapy, make that your priority right now and pour everything into getting your head and your heart right.
Everything else is just secondary bullshit.
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